The dictionary definition of a nightmare is a frightening or unpleasant dream. A terrifying or very unpleasant experience or situation. A haunting or obsessive fear.

A nightmare world could be a place full of the things we hate and dislike or where our fears come and haunt us every second of the day, constantly following and watching us. A nightmare world could be a place where reality kicks in and the ones we love are taken away with the click of our fingers.

To me, my nightmare world would be when reality kicks in and bites me in the . I have always lived my life in a dream never thinking about my actions and responsibilities. I live my life everyday not myself. I build up a wall that hides away the true me. No one can break free and see my inner self.

My nightmare world would be a place where my family ignores me until I vanish completely. Or when I push my friends out my life. A place where loneliness is my only company but no one is there so how can that be my company. A dark place where my actions makes the world crumbles and fall in destruction through my own faults.

I've never really had a real personality I always take characteristics from all my favourite characters from programs or just copy my friends. I never really had a personality, I'm just a fake where all the things I like are just absorbed and replicated in me. I have been living my life as a lie to myself. I have actually started to believe those lies I tell other people.

I do this because I'm scared. Scared of the fact that no one will like me for who I' am. Hell my friend's don't even know the real me… the people I love who confide and share their emotions with. I'm the one that helps them out through their time of need but I never seem to seek help when I need help.

I used to be a quiet and angelic child who use to never put in a fake smile when a picture was being taken but now that has all changed just because of the fact that the world is a cruel place to live in. My only friend the person I truly loved and shared my inner most secrets with was so cruelly snatched away from the living just because someone couldn't say no to a drink.

I remember that night it was a clear night no clouds could be seen to hide the beautiful shining globe in the sky. We were playing outside while our parents were chatting about there day. Me and Nichkhun were playing catch when I threw the ball a little higher then expected and he ran on to the street to catch it. Then it happened. The force of the car threw Nichkhun flying into the air and land hardly on the cold cement. His lifeless body lying so still. His parents ran to him while my dad argued with the driver, my mother dialling frantically on her mobile calling the ambulance. But he just laid there so still so lifeless like his soul had been knocked out of him and was sent flying to heaven. Everything was in slow motion the ambulance came and a crowd seemed to gather and appear before his broken body. Today in school the teacher asked us what our nightmare world would be like. I answered 'The life I live now is my nightmare'

I now sit here by his grave knowing that he was watching me in disappointment. I made him a promise that I thought I could keep but it was too hard. I couldn't take it anymore. People taking pity on me and his family. Saying that they were there to talk if they wanted some one to confide in. They never really talk about him anymore. His parents left to go travelling last year because they thought he wouldn't want them to be living their life in sadness and despair. But I can't carry on with my life because how can I go on living if he isn't here with me.

I burst into tears and cry all my pain away but they just seem to come back and haunt me. Never leaving my side that is why the wall can never be broken into. No one should really see the true me because the true me was created by Nichkhun, he was the one that helped me become who I was then, he is the reason I don't want no one to see the real me. It is hidden away. I treasure it with all my might because it still holds Nichkhun's impression that I never want to share. By now you think I'm selfish and mad. That I should really seek help but I know that even they can't help me they can't break the wall down.

I take the gun out of my bag and slowly bring it to my head I slowly pull the trigger…Silence no one could hear the shot because no one was there to hear it.

As I look down at my lifeless body as I ascend into heaven where my one true love is waiting for me…

I Victoria Song am now 16 had lived my life in a nightmare world for 3 years where my wall has never been broken in to until now as I see Nichkhun with open arms and I slowly run into his arms and we share a passionate kiss. I had given up my life for him because my love for Nichkhun is greater then life could ever give me. My walls have come shattering down to reveal the true me that the one only person who can see it is him standing before me staring at me with his deep blue eyes.

I now live in my utopia a place where I can never be sad about losing anyone because up here we all are dead but are living our lives differently…

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Keep on smilin!