I was sitting alone in my apartment after a long day being in school. I don’t know how many times different girls had asked about my secret crush today. It bothered me a bit that I couldn’t tell them about whom it was but I had promised my crush to never tell anyone about him or our relationship. Not that he knew that I referred to him as my secret crush. He merely thought we were really good friends. It hurt a bit to be perfectly honest, that he’d think only that about me and nothing more. Oh well, at least he was my best friend unlike for many other girls where they only saw him as a man out of reach that they could only meet in their wildest of fantasies or in their dreams. To them he was the perfect guy, to me as well though. How we got to know each other is a very long story that continues all the way back to our childhood when we used to be neighbours and play all day long. I smiled as memories popped up n my head. I remembered each of those days. I wished I could relive them again and again. Nowadays he was so far away from me. We barely saw each other anymore, which was both sadly necessary and somewhat required. If anyone knew that we were friends then I could get in serious trouble for it. Because like every girl has a dream crush and even though it’s my everlasting friend he’s beyond famous and his name, that beautiful name that make me shiver, is Lee Hyukjae. Also known as Eunhyuk, Hyuk, Hyukkie, monkey and more… I usually call him Hyukkie or Hyukjae since that’s how I have known him for all these years. That man is the most gorgeous, perfect, charming, funny and special man there is. He never fails to make himself noticed, not on stage nor in the real world. Not only because he now has fans everywhere but for the man he is. I can’t deny the fact that I’m feeling a little jealous of his fans. Sometimes it feels like they receive more love than I do! And I’m one of his best friends! Okay, so maybe I’m being irrational here. He does love his fans but I have to be more special to him than they are, right? At least I hope so.

No matter. I was eating ramen while watching some of his band’s music videos on YouTube. And yes, I’m badass so I can watch them on my TV! What about that, huh? I had my foot on the computer that stood on the living room table to be able to change clips. I smiled when I saw an old clip of Hyukjae and the guys when they had explored the human body. Or, maybe the clips can’t be called old when they’re only about one-two years old? Hm… I thought about the difference between the meanings of that when suddenly my favourite scene from that series started playing. The explorers, or the Super Junior members, were going to check if laughter was contagious. It turned out to be highly contagious. The clip I watched was one where all Hyukjae did was basically laughing, but to me it was the sweetest kind of music there is. I closed my eyes as his laughter filled my ears, reaching far down into my heart making it flatter and beat faster than normal. Out of nowhere I heard the laugh getting louder. I opened my eyes to confused check if I had unconsciously pressed the volume button or not. I hadn’t. Then I realised that the laughter didn’t come from the TV at all! It came from right behind me! I turned around in haste so that I almost fell of the couch in the speed.

“Hyukjae!” I yelled shocked. He was standing behind the couch, his eyes fixed on the TV screen with amazement in them. He laughed loudly, remembering the times they’d been recording that very funny show. When I screamed he looked down at me with wide eyes, questioning why I had gotten so frightened. I stared back at him.

“What?” he asked after a while of silence. The clip just finished and he went to sit down next to me, taking my bowl of ramen and stealing some.

“How on earth did you get in?” I questioned panicked. What if I had left the door opened and someone else than Hyukjae had stepped in through it? Hyukjae swallowed the ramen in his mouth, leaving a bit of sauce on his lips. He looked absolutely adorable with those big eyes staring at me as if I was crazy. I couldn’t help but to relax and smile at him.

“The door?” he asked confused. “Have you forgotten that I have a spare key?” he added, tilting his head slightly to the side before continuing the eating of my ramen. I shook my head a little.

“No, I had forgotten that I think”, I replied. He nodded and leaned back in my sofa, resting a leg over his other. And can you believe it? STILL eating up my food! “Hyukjae, that’s my dinner”, I complained, pointing at the bowl he was holding. He looked at me.

“Can’t you make more? I haven’t eaten since lunch”, he said and to my horror he shaped his eyes into big, sad puppy eyes. I had no choice but to sigh and go to the kitchen to make new ramen for myself. Meanwhile, Hyukjae the TV. I returned with my bowl after a while and saw him watching the news. It was first then I noticed that something about him was different, very different. His hood was down. And I could see the colour of his hair, something he hadn’t had in a long while. His hair was blonde, ice blonde. I stared at it in awe. God, he looked so fantastic in it!

“You’ve changed your hair colour”, I stated, sitting down next to him. He didn’t turn to me; he had his eyes on the screen.

“Well duh, good work there Sherlock”, he mocked me. He let out a small amused chuckled. I blushed. Thankful that the darkness in the room kept it unrevealed to Hyukjae or else he would’ve mocked me even more about it. I turned my focus to the TV instead, eating away and finally at peace. The news weren’t that interesting for neither of us so Hyukjae changed channel a few times before he turned it off completely. It surprised me a bit and when I looked at him he had already finished his ramen and was now sitting in front of me, a smile playing on his lips.

“What?” I asked this time. He put the bowl on the table then caught my eyes to meet his. It made me feel warm inside to have him looking at me like that. His eyes were truly piercing through mine. I saw that the bit of sauce was gone, which disappointed me a bit. I wanted to wipe it off~! Hyukjae’s melodic chuckle once again interrupted my thoughts.

“You have sauce in the corner of your mouth”, he told me, pointing at my lip. I reached up to wipe it away when he stopped me. I couldn’t believe it! He was going to wipe it off for me, it was a dream come true! I anticipated his movement, waiting patiently for his finger to touch my lip in a sweet, caring and loving gesture. “Geez, what are you thinking about so intensely?” Hyukjae asked while taking my hand and making it take away the sauce itself. I saw the birds, the flowers, the light and the music singing ‘hallelujah’ vanish in smoke. How annoying…

“What are you even doing here?” I wondered annoyed, taking the bowls and bringing them back to the kitchen. Hyukjae followed me, laughing.

“Can’t I visit my best friend?” he asked, having his gummy smile on display. I sighed.

“Of course you can…” I answered. He must’ve noticed the dullness in my reply because in the next second I felt his hand wrap around my wrist and he pulled me towards him. If we had been a couple right now then I would’ve crashed my lips on his.

“Minah, what’s the matter with you?” Hyukjae caressed my cheek. He seemed to be actually concerned for me. “Isn’t school going well?”

“It is… It’s not that really”, I replied, avoiding his eyes. Those light brown eyes that made me swoon. Why couldn’t this man just be mine?

“Then tell me what it is”, he said. He had his fingers in my hair, playing with it, carefully observing it too. I continued to observe my super intriguing plain white socks.

“I don’t want to tell you. I can’t”, I responded in a low voice. He sighed, not knowing what to do with me really. He then carefully wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling into his embrace. I met his upper chest and inhaled his scent, driving myself insane by doing so. Hyukjae’s hugs were the best hugs you could get. I loved to be in his warm, comfortable, assuring and safe embrace. I wondered how it would've felt if it was brought to me with the same emotions as I had for him. The thought that maybe he wasn’t meant to be mine burnt in me. It hurt so bad thinking about.

“Minah, are you crying?” Hyukjae asked shocked when he pulled away and saw my tears. He took my face in his hands and scanned my eyes worried. “Minah, are you sure nothing has happened?” he asked again. “Are they bullying you at school or something?” His questions began sounding more like he was a brother talking to his little sister. That was so far from what I wanted us to be. I sobbed even more, making him let go of my face. He kept his confused, shocked expression.

“It’s nothing”, I whispered, drying my tears away. Why did I allow them to fall when he was still here? Couldn’t they have come afterwards, when I was alone?!

“Minah, tell me what’s wrong”, Hyukjae begged. He was sincerely worried about me now, I could tell by his eyes. It was as if he was on the edge of crying too. Hyukjae has always been very emotional and he’s a highly sensitive guy. I felt bad for not telling him that he shouldn’t worry and that it only was being stupid, however, something in me told me that he wouldn’t believe it. He knew me better than most people. Although, if that was true then why hadn’t he caught my signals of liking him this much? I didn’t only like the guy; I was head over heels in love with him. I loved him. How can that not be spotted?? Or perhaps he had seen it? Maybe he just didn’t feel the same about me and that’s why he didn’t react to my signals? Hoping that they would go away with time?

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you Hyukjae”, I coughed out through my tears. “Like badly. It’s not going to go away”, I said, meeting his eyes with my own. “I love you so much Hyukjae. I’m afraid that it’ll ruin our friendship but I don’t care anymore. I love you and I don’t know what to do about it than to tell you then wait for your reaction. If it’s hard for you then I’m sorry but this is how I feel. I can’t change it. You are the most amazing person, the most special one to me. I’ve known you for so long and lately been feeling like you’ve slipped away. I know it’s because of your career with Super Junior and all that but I miss hanging out with you. Your laughs, smiles and sparkling eyes are so precious to me. You can’t even imagine how much they mean to me. There’s just that feeling that once you’ve seen how much other, way prettier girls than me, look at you and you realise that you want one of them, that you’ll leave me behind. That I will stop being special to you. I don’t even know if I am that but I want to be! Hyukjae, I would do anything for you. But I’m not giving you up without having tried my chances first”, I said to him in one big blur. Hyukjae’s face was unreadable to me. He showed no signs of either good or bad news. I sighed, gazing down towards my socks again. “Okay, I understand”, I spoke quietly. “I’m sorry for-”

“What are you sorry for? You have nothing to be sorry for”, he said smiling. I felt his hand wrap around my chin to lift it up. I felt it. I felt his soft lips on my own, pressing gently against them in a soft kiss. I kissed him back immediately. He wrapped his arms around my waist to bring our bodies closer to each other. I locked my arms around his neck steadily. After what could’ve lasted an eternity if I was to decide he pulled away. His smile shone brightly in the kitchen light and his hair hung down, covering his eyes a little. I giggled. I brushed the hair from his eyes to admire his wonderful features.

“I’ve dreamt about that kiss”, I admitted, turning a bright red around my cheeks. Hyukjae’s smile grew wider.

“I have to…” he said. “May I ask you to be my girlfriend now?” he asked, grinning widely. I thought for a moment then nodded happily.

“Yes you may ask. And my answer will be yes. I want to be your girlfriend Hyukjae”, I replied. I had millions of butterflies flying around in my stomach. Hyukjae smiled again and pressed his lips on mine once more. This time the kisses became more intense. Not as bashful as the first one had been. Our lips in perfect sync with each other, they must’ve longed for this moment as much as Hyukjae and I had. We broke the kiss to catch air. Both of us were smiling.

“I’m never letting you go Minah”, Hyukjae stated, holding me tightly to him. “I love you”, he then said, quietly as a whisper, only meant for my ears.

“I love you too Hyukjae”, I replied. He bit his lips, almost nervously. I giggled at his cuteness. If he thought that I would let him go now then he was extremely wrong. He was mine forever. Nothing would try to separate us; I wouldn’t ever allow that to happen. He was only mine to love, hold, kiss, hug and mine to call jagiya now. “I’ll be the perfect girlfriend. I will cherish you every day, love you always and ooze love for you”, I stated confidently.

“I vow the exact same”, Hyukjae whispered. He leaned back in for the third time to kiss me. This kiss just as amazing as the first two but now he let his love and passion sneak into it. Leaving me smiling like a fool out of happiness...