My angel
Angel's voice
Kai was the mysterious new teacher from another city. Nobody knows anything about him, except maybe Baekhyun because he was the one who dragged him into applying for this job. But the mystery was really nothing, he's not a drug dealer at night, nor a bar owner (nor a gigolo at night, no). He just doesn't like to share his life with everyone he meets. He likes to keep things to himself because he's learned the hard way that it doesn't do any good to share your life with others when they don't ask, when all they do is fake their concern and love. He's been a loner, he's been that ever since his previous boyfriend had taught him not to trust people, because people only cared about their own lives.
He's been living alone, on his own and he's happy with it. That was until he's agreed to let Baekhyun, his childhood best friend drag him into teaching Physical Education at the school where his friend teaches music.
The previous teacher is moving to Japan, we need someone to fill the position as soon as possible, that idiot should have thought better than leaving in the middle of the school year. And besides, getting away from our hometown would do you some good. Away from your life with that bastard of an ex boyfriend, if you can even call him that. I say we call him bastard of a something resembling a person.
He thought it would actually be fun, teaching kids was something he liked and teaching kids something he likes to do is even better. But when he stepped into the school grounds, one look and he knew he should have said no when Baekhyun insisted, because one look at those big eyes and the sweating of his palms, the thudding of his heart was back. And if he knows anything, it would be that this, this was bad news.
Kyungsoo, as he'd learned from going around the faculty with Baekhyun introducing him to all their co-teachers, was the name of big eyed angel he had seen that morning. And up close, he was as perfect as he thought he was from afar.
"Kai, this is Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, this is Kai. He's the new PE teacher."
"Hi!" Kyungsoo has the voice made of silk, velvety and soft and he felt his heart thud just a bit faster.
"Hi!" He answered back before Baekhyun had dragged him to the next teacher whose name he didn't remember, nor did he hear because his head was still full of that voice uttering that one word.
Just one word and he's hooked.
He really regrets saying yes to Baekhyun, if he said no, maybe he wouldn't be in this predicament. Pining over a co-worker wasn't in Kai's list of things to do when he decided to move out of their hometown. He thought the city would be big enough to separate him from these feelings but of course, it would have to be in the same school where he'd be captured with big eyes and angelic voices. But he won't make a move, can't take a move because he knows things like these, feelings like these leads to heartbreak and he wasn't ready for another one.
"H-hi!" Kyungsoo greeted him. Just like any other morning, they would greet each other like normal people does except normal people doesn't have the tension, the awkwardness they have around each other. Jongin feels, no, he knows Kyungsoo probably feels something for him too, how strong, he doesn't know, doesn't want to find out.
"Hi Kyungsoo!" He always answers back, liking the roll of the other's name on his tongue before turning around and walking to his class. This is all the interaction they have all day, hi's, hello's, good day's, nobody dares to make a move forward.
"You should just ask him out." Baekhyun said while they were having lunch.
"Ask who out?" Kai asked and Baekhyun gave him a pointed look before rolling his eyes.
"Oh sure, pretend you don't know who I'm talking about."
"I don't really know who-"
"Kyungsoo. Spelled clear enough for you now?" Baekhyun said while continuing to dig in to his lunch.
Kai has his eyes wide, he was speechless. How did Baekhyun know?
"Oh please, we grew up together. I saw you when you fell in love with your ex. I saw you when you had your first crush on our PE teacher way back in high school. When you..."
"Alright alright, I get it. And to answer your question, I don't think it's a good idea to ask him out. We don't even know if he likes me." Baekhyun scoffs so Kai raises his voice a bit. "And, and I don't want a relationship. I like my life right now."
"Suit yourself. But just know that not all guys, nor girls for the sake of argument, is like your ex boyfriend. Not everybody will hurt you. Ok?" Baekhyun's voice softened with his following words. "And I just think you should find your happiness. Someone will love you back, someone who deserves your love. And why not try and see if Kyungsoo is that person. He's really nice."
"No." Kai said before standing up and heading to his next class.
Kai knows Suho and Kyungsoo are close, closer than both of them are to Baekhyun. They live together and drives to and from home together. He heard from Baekhyun (Baek divulges the information, he doesn't ask) that Suho has a really good looking, nice ex-boyfriend whom the older teacher still loves but seeing Suho and Kyungsoo hug in Kyungsoo's car has Jongin feeling murderous. He'd been in a bad mood that day, even his favorite ice cream from the cafeteria didn't cheer him up and his students had all felt it.
"That's because you should stop running." Baekhyun gathered his papers and slammed them on his table. Baekhyun was getting affected by his grave mood. He's getting pissed himself because really, who was he to react this way? They haven't even spoken more than two words to each other. He's not jealous. He doesn't have the right to be.
The next time he sees Suho and Kyungsoo hug, he sees red and ends up interrupting. Into which Kyungsoo looked like a deer caught in headlights (charming actually) and started making excuses, he shrugged and pretended he didn't care. Just like he should because they weren't even friends. He kept rolling in his bed that night.
The next morning, he knew he looked like a mess. He has dark circles under his eyes and his piercing look must look twice as deadly today.
"What the hell happened to you?" Baekhyun asked.
"Nothing." He mumbled.
"Hopefully your students won't scream when they see you."
"Good morning to you too." Kai sat on his table and tried to close his eyes.
"Well then, I'll leave you to it. Try not to let Kyungsoo see you like this. His eyes will probably pop out in fear."
"Funny Byun, real funny." He said dryly.
"Hey." Someone poked him on the side.
"Hmm." He moved his head away from the object.
"Hey." Another poke, this time on the side of his ribs where he might or might not be ticklish.
"What?!" He sat up suddenly ready to pounce on the person disturbing his sleep.
"Sorry Kai-ssi, but don't you have a class?" Kai looked up to the sweet, scared voice to see Kyungsoo with his wide eyes looking down at him. He looked at Kyungsoo, looking so good, for a few more seconds before he looked at the clock on his table. It was after lunch and he missed one of his classes already. He might have slept a bit longer than he intended to. He felt Kyungsoo's stare at him and he felt self conscious knowing that his hair was probably everywhere. He wiped his face and started running his hands through his hair. When he felt awake and presentable enough, he looked at Kyungsoo and smiled.
"Thanks for waking me up!" He said before standing up and walking out. It was good that Kai almost run out of the faculty room because he didn't see Kyungsoo getting so red on the face, he might have been an apple. It was the first time Kai had smiled at him. It was the first time Kai smiled that wide at all.
Since that sleeping incident, Kai and Kyungsoo seems to have eased a bit of the tension around them. Their awkwardness seemed to evaporate and they can talk more than a two words, few sentences to each other. They talked a lot on lunch and even on their hour breaks. Suho, as Kai has learned from Kyungsoo has got back together with his (shockingly famous) boyfriend which brought more sunshine to Kai that day.
"Uhm, Kai?" Kyungsoo looked down on the pen he was holding. Kai raised an eyebrow because it looked like Kyungsoo was awkward with him again, he thought they moved from that phase already.
"Yeah?"
"Suho and Kris are throwing a party this weekend." Kyungsoo seemed to hesitate a bit before continuing. "And I was wondering if you would like to come with me. I mean, if you would like to come. Yeah...uhm..."
"Sure. Pick you up at 7? Give me your address." Kai's heart shouldn't be this excited but it was. He knows he shouldn't have implied like it's a date but he wanted it to be, so bad. One date wouldn't hurt anyway, right?
But of course it wasn't just one date. After they went to Suho and Kris' party. Kai was so happy going out with Kyungsoo that night, out of the school grounds, that he blurted out asking the other for another date the next weekend. Kyungsoo's eyes sparkled and Kai was dizzy with his feelings. He was falling deeper and deeper. He knew he was getting in too deep but he was hooked. Another date wouldn't hurt, right?
Their second date was in a fancy restaurant Baekhyun had recommended. Kyungsoo had loved the food and was ecstatic to know that they make his favorite dessert (panna cotta) the way he likes them (not too sweet, not too bland, just right with cherry on top). And that day, as Kai got to know Kyungsoo just a bit more, he was convinced, Kyungsoo is an angel.
On their fifth date, Kyungsoo entwined their fingers together. He leaned his head into his shoulders and swung their hands. Kai smiled. He felt light, he knew falling for Kyungsoo, he was safe. Falling, this time, would mean someone would catch him. For the first time, after a year of being a loner, after a year of hurting, he was happy, free and content. He gripped Kyungsoo's hand tighter and leaned down into the other's head. Just like this, he thinks, let's stay just like this.
Nobody runs away from their past, Kai learned. A few days ago he was happy. He had kissed Kyungsoo when he had walked him to his door. Their first kiss, after 10 dates, 10 wonderful dates. But who was he kidding, he knew extreme happiness had it's price.
"What do you want?" Kai was fuming with anger. Who was he to just barge in to his life again?
"Baby, don't be like that." The other guy smiled at Kai, his creepy smile that Kai thought was perfect once upon a time.
"Get out of here before I call the police."
"Ouch baby. How could you treat me like this after all the time we shared? I love you babe. Come back with me to our home. Our cat misses you. I miss you." His charm might have worked on Kai before but he knew better. He just wished he knew better sooner.
"No, Minsook, I've had enough. There's no us. And you don't love me. You only loved yourself."
Minsook walked closer and Kai found himself enveloped in a tight hug. But instead of feeling loved, safe, he felt fear. It was always his initial reaction everytime Minsook walks closer to him.
"Kai baby I'm home!" Minsook slams the door. He was high again, and Kai knows what Minsook being high means for him.
Minsook found him on the corner of the room, trying to hide himself.
"What are you doing there baby?" He says the word "baby" like an endearment. An endearment he only uses when he's stoned.
Would it be now that he slaps me on the face? Or maybe today it'll be my ? Kai's thoughts were running on his head. One worse than the one before.
"Please Minsook..." Kai's face was wet with tears. Minsook held his face and wiped his tears.
"Please what baby?" Minsook has an innocent look on his face, as if wondering why Kai was crying when all he did, has done, was walk to him and wipe his tears.
"You know I hate crying Kai." There was that chilling voice of his, Kai knows the time for pain is coming.
"Please Minsook. Please...no....ah!" Kai closed his eyes in pain. Minsook had ripped his clothes off and had cuffed his hands on the bed. Kai's tears continue to fall, he shook his head but he kept his eyes closed, knowing what to come is something he never wants to see, because seeing makes it easier to remember and he never wants to remember.
He groaned in pain as Minsook rolled him over and began spanking his backside until it was almost black and blue. Minsook then rolled him around to sit on his and sat down on his stomach.
"Open your eyes baby. Don't you like this? Don't you love this? I'm doing this cause I love you Kai baby." Kai felt his eyelids being forced open and he saw sitting above him the man he once thought the world of, the man he once loved. He thought love was the world without pain, he thought love takes people's suffering away. If this was love then he never wanted to love again.
"Kai?" Baekhyun opened the door to a distraught Kai. Kai remembered being in front of Baekhyun a year ago, different doorstep, same situation.
"Can I...Can I stay here for tonight?" Kai looked so afraid, so small that Baekhyun knew, he knew even without asking what happened.
"Where is he? Did he hurt you?" Baekhyun asked concerned laced on his voice. Kai shook his head no.
"Please just let me stay."
Kai stayed at Baekhyun's house for the night. That night he dreamt of Kyungsoo crying. Kyungsoo's pale skin filled with bruises and him looking down at his hands as if it weren't his, as if it were the most disgusting thing. He hit Kyungsoo. He didn't see but he knew, he knew it was him who put those bruises on Kyungsoo. He knew he was the reason Kyungsoo was crying. Kai awoke with a start. At the same time, he awoke to reality.
For the next few weeks, nobody knew where Kai was. Kyungsoo asked Baekhyun and Baekhyun wanted to help but all he can do is shook his head. Kai stayed for the night, but left in the morning.
"I don't know what to do. I thought he and I was..." Kyungsoo was crying in his car. This time it was Suho who was comforting him.
"I'm sure he feels the same way." Baekhyun reassuringly said. "He, he likes you, very much."
"I don't really believe that." Kyungsoo said. "Why would he run away, why didn't he leave any note, not a call nor a text. He...I really loved him." Kyungsoo's tears wouldn't stop.
"I know. I know." Suho said while rubbing Kyungsoo's back.
"Just give him time. He'll come back." Baekhyun wished. He wished he was sure that Kai would come back.
The third week, Kyungsoo received a message from Kai.
All the time we shared, I will cherish forever. For a time, you made me feel whole. Like I am worth loving.
I love you, but we can never be. I will only hurt you and I cannot forgive myself if that happens.
Forget about me, my angel. Find another man to love. A man who wouldn't run away.
"Don't you see you've already hurt me?" Kyungsoo whispered to no one. That day he fell asleep crying his heart out. The man he loves, loves him back. But that same man left him, left him and told him to forget. How can he forget when he's the only man he had ever loved. The only man he knew he will ever love.
"It's been two months, Kai. Aren't you tired yet?" Kai heard Baekhyun say over the phone. A few weeks after sending the message to Kyungsoo, he contacted Baekhyun just to know if Kyungsoo was ok.
"Of course he wasn't. What did you expect? He loved you. He still does."
"I don't want to hurt him."
"Isn't this hurting him though?"
"Leaving him was the only way."
"Way to what? I don't get it Kai. How can leaving him be a solution?"
"You don't understand. I can't forgive myself if I ever hurt him."
"This is about Minsook isn't it?"
There was silence on the other end of the line.
"You won't be like him. You won't hurt anyone."
"I might."
"You won't."
"It wasn't your fault Kai. Minsook is a drug addict. It wasn't love, as he said. It was abuse. You won't hurt him if you love him."
Baekhyun heard the line cut.
"Is he...how is he?"
"Why don't you see for yourself?"
"I can't."
"Then I can't tell you."
"Baek, please."
"Only you can help yourself Kai. I have to go."
"Just this once." Kai kept telling himself. He'd see Kyungsoo just this once then he'd go back to hiding again. He found himself a new job two towns away. He was still teaching, it seemed he did like teaching afterall.
He walked in front of the school gates to wait for his certain angel. He looked at his watch and saw that there were still 15 minutes 'til the last of the classes ends. He crouched in front of the gates and sat back.
"Kai?" He looked up to see Kyungsoo looking at him, eyes wide, shocked.
Kai froze but he felt really happy seeing Kyungsoo again. Two months had been very long. Two whole months and he had missed the other guy's bright smile. His angelice voice. His big eyes. His everything.
"Uhm, hi." Kai said before standing up.
"Don't go. Please." Kyungsoo's voice sounded so broken that Kai stopped in his tracks.
"Just please, talk to me." He begged.
"Why?" Kyungsoo asked. He held on to Kai's hands when he had reached him in front on the gates and dragged him to the nearest cafe. Kai wanted to run but Kyungsoo's hand on his skin felt so good he wanted to savor the moment longer.
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"You hurt me by running away."
"No, I would have hurt you more by staying." Kai looked very troubled. Kyungsoo was still confused but he knew, seeing Kai right now, that the reason for him running away was rooted somewhere deeper. "Please just tell what it is. Let me help you." He tried.
"I...I might hit you." Kai started. "I might hit you and cause you pain."
Kyungsoo was taken aback. In all the reasons in his head for Kai's flight, never had he thought that it was because of this.
"You would never hit me. I know you, you wouldn't. Not even if you get mad."
"You couldn't have known. You haven't seen me angry."
"I don't need to see you angry."
"I didn't."
"Hm?"
"I didn't see him angry. I didn't know." Kai looked far away, visiting a distant memory.
"When I first saw him, I was blinded by his beauty, he had a face of an angel. His smile lighted up my world. His words gave me strength until that first hit. Until that first hit, I thought I knew him. But I didn't. His face hid a demon's mind. His smile always had that cynical edge that I never saw until it was too late. I should have seen it. He said he loved me but he hurt me. He said he cared for me but he left bruises on my body. I swore I wouldn't fall in love again. Because if love meant hurting other people, then I don't want love. I don't want to love."
Kyungsoo's eyes were full of tears. He never knew. He never knew what Kai had gone through. And in that moment, his love for the other guy had strengthened. He'll show him what true love is. That loving isn't hurting. That loving doesn't always have pain.
Kai looked up to see Kyungsoo crying. "Don't cry for me, my angel." His heart hurt seeing Kyungsoo's tears. He doesn't like seeing tears in the other's eyes, especially if it was because of him. Kyungsoo suddenly stood up and hugged him tight. He expected to feel tense, as like in every hug he got from Minsook but in Kyungsoo's arms he felt safe, safer than he had ever been in his life. And if he would try to, he would even say he felt loved.
"I love you." Kyungsoo whispered in his ear. "I'll show you a love that doesn't hurt, that doesn't know pain." Kyungsoo loosened his grip and leaned to look at Kai's eyes. "Only if you'll let me."
"I might hurt..."
"No, I know you won't."
"How do you know?" Kai has apprehension in his eyes, he wanted to stand his ground but it was breaking, drowning in Kyungsoo's eyes, he was breaking.
"Because I know you. I love you." The sincerity in Kyungsoo's voice, the finality of his words was the last straw for Kai.
"It'll take time, we won't be living together anytime soon."
"We have all the time. Besides, I still like my house."
"You really want this?"
"Yes."
Kai looked down. He wants Kyungsoo so bad. But doubts still haunt his mind. Doubts that won't go overnight.
"Ok."
"Ok?"
"We'll try this out. But one wrong step from me and I'm out the door. No stopping me. Ok?"
"I won't let you make that step. I promise." Kyungsoo leaned down brush his lips on Kai's. At the light brush of their lips, something flared in Kai, something that he missed for two months. He grabbed Kyungsoo's nape to deepen the kiss. Cupped his head and coaxed the other's lips open.
"I love you." Kai whispered so softly before leaning and devouring Kyungsoo's lips again.
Kai dreamt of Kyungsoo that night. But this time it was his kisses, his hugs, his love that greeted him. He awoke to see Kyungsoo sleeping beside him. He might not be fully ok, but they'll take it one step at a time. With his angel beside him, he thinks maybe this is what love is like. Maybe, he can share his life with Kyungsoo. Maybe this time, it's real.
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