Drafts (4)

She looks at her phone and sits back down from her standing position as she stares at those unsent messages, scrolling through them as she looks at each of them at least 5 times before moving on to the next.

Come and meet me in the Garden, I need to tell you something.

She sighed as she remember that day perfectly well, her heart glistened with regret as she sighs at this. Her mind went back to that day. She was sitting in the Sculpture Garden with her phone clutched in her hand, nervously pacing back and forth at the blank text message, not sure of how she should compose the text. She bit her lip as she look around, trying to find some sort of signal that could tell her what to type, nothing came. She sighed as she looked back at the phone to type something very simple instead, 'Come to meet me in the Garden, I need to tell you something.' It was finally the day, the day she would pour her heart out and tell him all those untold feelings and not regret anything she said, but she didn’t, all she did was let the message go to her drafts. She could only close her eyes now and try to ease the pain from her aching heart as she read the second one.

I cut myself with a knife, I know it’s stupid, but do you mind coming over to help me with it. I’m just asking because when I opened my directory, your name popped up first.

Stupid lie. She did cut her finger at that time, but his name hadn’t really been the first to be on her directory. It was someone else’s, but she typed in his name because it was the first thing that came into her mind. She would constantly think of him and anything she did, she wanted him to be involved with it. Every book she read, she felt the need to have him hug her from behind and read it with her. When she was cooking, he would be playing with her hair as she did so. This was all too much to ask for, but she wanted it so badly. No wonder she wanted to text him when she cut her finger, it felt so right to do so. She, of course didn’t do so. 

Tiffany chuckled softly at herself when she thought of the memory that came with the message.

Remember that day you asked me what I’d do if it was your last day? I lied with what I said, truthfully, I wanted to ask you to spend that last day loving only me...

Well, the text actually said it all as she stared down at it. She really wanted to be selfish for once, but she didn’t have the guts to do so. That unsent text was the one she regretted the most. He really did leave, not on that day, but soon after. She got up and tried to balance herself as she let out a shaky sigh. She wished she had told him how much she loved him, how much she regretted not telling him sooner, because they might have been able to have some time together before he left. Before he broke her heart without even realizing it…

You left something here, you told me it was important and could you come back and get back to get it, because I don’t know where you are.

This was after Daniel left and the last message she even thought about sending to him, but Tiffany never got the guts to actually send it to him. She thought about sending it one too many times, when she actually had the guts to do it, the message didn’t get sent out and was saved in her outbox instead. That was the only time she actually felt like sending it, but didn’t in the end. She kept the draft forever and never let it get sent. It was just an excuse for him to come back, but she could never be selfish enough to send it out and ask him to come back, because it just wasn’t her to do so. She wanted him to live happily and be happy wherever he is. Forget her and forget the burden she is.