It was  a Saturday when they met.—and  It wasn’t the first time.

Yet ...it felt like it was.

~*~

 “Aigoo...what a handsome young man!” Donghae winced as the middle aged lady firmly pinched his cheeks, squeaking in delight after missing the boy for a long time.

“Hi auntie.” The brunette chuckled before the lady ecstatically drags him inside the house. The place felt surreal after those years of absence. From the paintings, those ceramic displays-- lips pursed into a smile as moments of the past hit him like a rock. And for the longest time, it never felt this good.

“From the looks of it, you seemed to be healthier these days.” Mrs. Lee led him to the couch, serving him with his ‘favorite’beverage and some biscuits. Donghae smiled delightfully, just seeing the familiar content of the glass.

“Strawberry milk sure tastes better when you serve em’ Mrs Lee.” Pleased, the lady flashed another smile as Donghae took small sips of the sweet, cold liquid.

“I was so happy when your mother informed me that her work will be transferred back here in Busan. It’s nice that you and Hyukkie can spend a lot of time together like when you were kids, right?”

“Oh...” The boy placed the glass back to the table. “Speaking of which, where’s Hyukkie?”

“Oh ! Yes! I almost forgot! Just wait here sweetie, let me get him for you.” Mrs. Lee walked near the staircase as he called out for his son.

“Hyukkie!! Donghae’s here!”

“----“

“Hyukkie!!”

“----“

“LEE HYUKJAE!! COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!” Donghae chuckled silently, seeing the sudden transfomation of a sweet, jolly housewife to a monstrous beast, like the hulk wearing an apron.

“Aish!-Stubborn little brat!” Mrs. Lee stormed upstairs. Donghae on the other hand heard all the bickering and some ‘violent’ noises from upstairs until finally, Mrs. Lee managed to drag his son downstairs and presented him to the anxious brunette.

It’s been a decade and a half since the last time they’ve seen each other and he didn’t expect Hyukjae to be as striking as this; the ivory complexion, in contrast is his red crimson hair that was tousled effortlessly, perfectly hugging the contours of his handsomely defined jawlines. Aside from the fact that his eyes look dead from sleep, Donghae never thought the difference 15 years can do.

Donghae managed to offer a handshake as discretely as possible despite how he used to tightly hug the other way back when they were still kids. After all, it’s been 15 years. No wonder, things had been different.

Hyukjae took the offered hand dispassionately, without looking at those jubilant -turned –discontented brown eyes right before him. For him, things weren’t the same anymore. They were kids the last time they saw each other’s faces. Now, that they are two matured individuals in their 20’s, he wouldn’t expect friendly skinship from now on.

Years pass. Stuff happens. People change.  That’s how the way it is.

Pushing those happy memories aside, heartbreaking it may seem, this could be a brand new start.

~*~

Since he had a broken schedule in the university, Donghae decided to sign up for dance lessons in a nearby center. Actually, he’s a born dancer. He just needed an outlet to release some of his dilemas in life . And besides, he stopped dancing for years and for the longest time, he thought he needed to do what he really wanted to do.

But then, he was quite unsure if he could even last in the studio for an hour. Especially if Hyukjae is the instructor.

It still felt awkward though, even though it’s been 2 weeks of practically ignoring each other, considering they were bestfriends, he thinks of him as an entirely different person now. The one he couldn’t read. The one he couldn’t even reach with his fingertips. Donghae wondered how everything changed between them just like that. That night, after that very unpleasant dance session with less than 10 persons present, Donghae finally approached him.

“Hyukkie.” Donghae fasten his pace as he calls for Hyukjae who, all but ignores him, fastening his walk as well, trying to disappear through the crowds in the street.

“Yah!Hyukkie” Even more pissed off of how the other boldly calls out his pet name, the red-head walked even faster. He’s quite unsure if the people start to stare at them because of how strange their “chasing” scenario looked like or how funny his pet name was. Nonetheless, Donghae is successfully getting on his nerves.

“HYUKKIE!!”   

“WHAT?!” Panting, Hyukjae harshly pulled the other, taking them away from the embarrassing stares of the crowd. When they reached a more secluded place, Hyukjae took his rather unkind grasp away from Donghae instantly like a bullet.

“What do you want? And PLEASE, don’t ever call me with that ing name again or else—“ Even though how startled he was from the other’s reaction, Donghae managed to chuckle after seeing his angered, flushed face.

Subconciously, Hyukjae is still Hyukjae.

“Or else what?”

“Or else...I... I w-won’t t- teach. I won’t teach you!” Donghae chuckled after hearing the other curse through his mouth after saying the most absurd reason he could spat out.

“You know damn well I’m a better dancer than you are.”Seeing Hyukjae chuckled in disbelief, Donghae brimmed in amusement. He always likes how he teases the red-head.

“Fine. I won’t call you by that again. But---”

“You have to treat me dinner. I’m starving.”

“WHAT?!”

“Please Hyukkie?”

“Aaaiiish!!!!Fine!!---But I’ll pick the place.” Hyukjae warned as he stormed foward, leaving the happy male behind.

~*~

They did eat a rather hearty dinner at a nearby eatery, just along the streets. Honestly, Donghae wasn’t even starving at all. He thought it would be nice to have a good talk with a childhood friend after a long while.

Besides, he had a lot of explaining to do.

“...Noona have been working abroad for 2 years now. She has her fiance that she’ll marry soon so I have to start supporting myself. The center pays well actually.” Donghae eyed the small cup filled with local rice wine that the older had been ocassionally pouring for himself.

“It’s good that you still got to practice that one thing you really wanted to do.”Donghae couldn’t deny. Hyukjae became so good at dancing. He couldn’t help but smile form the memory of little Hyukjae screaming at the top of his lungs, telling the whole world that he’ll be the best dancer in Korea someday.

“Then why did you stop?” The brunette felt unwary from the sudden question. He knew he would be a little rusty after those years he stopped from dancing but he never thought Hyukjae would even give the slightest damn.

“I did... other things...” he timidly replied.

“Ah, so that’s why you stopped writing back to me.” There was a long pause that was somehow agonizing to the younger’s part. He wanted to defend himself properly but he thought, Hyukjae doesn’t need to know. Yes,he doesn’t need to know.

“But...” Hyukjae spoke, noticing the sudden change in the other’s disposition. “It doesn’t matter to me anymore so don’t worry. “ 

“We were silly kids. Things have changed now.”

“I know.” Somehow it made him sad. It’s like Hyukjae had forgotten that one special relationship they shared when they were kids.  Maybe, Donghae thought, coming back wasn’t worth a shot after all.

Since they were living next to each other, that night, they went home together. For Donghae, it would probably be the longest walk he had in his life. Hyukjae walks in front of him as he, heads down followed the older’s trail all but in complete, desolate silence.  He sure missed those days they used to come home together from playschool, hand in hand, singing the song they just learned.

“Donghae...” He needed to look at him dumbly before responding from the red head’s retiring call.  Hyukjae actually called him.

By his name.

First time after 15 years.

“Hmm?”  They continued walking, Hyukjae, not looking back.

“Tell me...what happened...”

And so he did. He told him the things he did during the times they weren’t together.: His friends from middle school, his junior and senior years where he had been quite popular with both guys and girls, his developing interest to photography up to his part time work as a bartender in a cafe. Somehow, Donghae felt overwhelmed. Finally, they talked. They talked and talked, until they found themselves siting side by side in a swing at a nearby playground, just talking about theirselves.  It was only then they’ve decided to go back home when they felt that they couldn’t up anything from each other anymore but lazy vowels and tired laughs.

Nevertheless, he missed this. They both missed this.

Seeing how months had passed, it’s as if those tongue-tied stillnesss they shared the first time they’ve met again was all just history.  In fact, they became closer than ever. They would usually hang-out to their favorite places; one of them is the dance studio. The day would usually consist of teaching each other new moves, battling it out until they found only themselves, lying on the floor, laughing in exhaustion.

“Is it really okay with you to go home this late?” Half-lidded eyes reached for the clock across the room, it’s already 11.30 in the evening. “I mean, before, like you used to go home alone?”

Hyukjae tried to still his breath from panting before answering. “Kibum always comes with me.”

“Who’s Kibum?” Donghae sat up to face the older male. Hyukjae instantly sat up when he realized what he just said. “Who was he?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Is he a friend?” Hyukjae hates it when times Donghae would dart him those innocent brown eyes whenever he asks him about something.The guy sure does know how to get answers easily.

“Can we...Can we not talk about it?” The older looked away, nipping on his lips.

“ Let me guess, he’s your boyfriend?”teased the brunette.

“NO!!HE—he was a friend.”

“was?”

“Gods, you’re annoying!” Hyukjae was about to stand up when the other pulled him by the hand.

“We can talk about it. Trust me. “ There was a slight change in the younger’s tone that somehow made his heart flutter. It was a sense of comfort that he felt and with those piercing brown-eyes, Hyukjae couldn’t help but surrender. Though he thought, maybe, just maybe, a little wouldn’t hurt.

“H-he, he was my friend.” Hyukjae started. “But he left.” It was a long silence. Hyukjae thought, it wasn’t a good decision to start this issue with Donghae. He thought maybe, he wouldn’t understand, that maybe he wasn’t the right person to talk this with, maybe...

“He didn’t leave you.” It was only brief yet, he was amazed at how the younger actually caught his drift. Donghae had always been a good listener.

“You don’t know anything.”

“But you cared for him right?”

“....” It was Hyukjae’s time to get silenced. He never knew that this cheeky person in front of him could be ...sensitive.

“Then you have to trust him.  Sometimes, it’s not their choice but there’s always a reason why people leave. Absence doesn’t mean it’s like forever.” It’s hard for him, to at least absorb anything from Donghae. Kibum is the sole reason he chose to trust nobody.  That he suffered two years of his life without any friends to look out for him because he was scared to be left again, by someone you’ve grown up and became attached with. Since then, he didn’t know how and who to trust anymore. –Even Donghae is not an exception.

“He’ll come back. Trust him.” But even though how funny it sounds, to trust somebody who’s long gone, he couldn’t deny, Donghae must’ve eaten something that he made a lot of sense tonight. Was it really just him all this time? Hyukjae heaved a sigh before pulling himself up.

“It’s getting late.”

Without looking back, Hyukjae walked towards across the room to grab his stuff but not too long after, he heard a loud thud.

Eyes wide, Hyukjae ran back to Donghae who, was lying unconciously on the floor, pale and bleeding from his nose.

~*~

Months passed and Donghae’s admission to the hospital became frequent, either because he would go for his ‘treatment-slash-check-up’ or they would rush him there after falling unsconcious. Either way, Hyukjae had always been there with him, visting the younger male. Their moms would just chat all day, while they spend their day playing video games and feeding Donghae with his meds. At some point, it bothers Hyukjae, especially at night when he doesn’t sleep with him in the hospital. But all his worries would always be pushed aside since Donghae never fails to tell him each and everyday that he’s fine and everything’s going to be okay.

One day, Hyukjae excitedly went to the hospital right after his work in the dance studio. Apparently, a friend of him lends him the game Donghae had been asking him for a long time. He couldn’t just wait to show it to him. Hyukjae was about to get in Donghae’s room when he heard his mom and Donghae talking. It sounder like a serious talk that he chose to stay behind the partly opened door.

“...Then when are you going to tell him sweetie?”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t...I-I don’t know.”

“I know, you don’t want to hurt him. And i know how hard it’s going to be, but you have to tell him. You have to tell him sweetie, before it’s too late.”

“B-but...But I’m dying...”  Before he could continue, Hyukjae appeared in front of them, looking like a complete fool, tears welling on his eyes, lifelessly holding the box of video game that was ready to fall any second.  

Before his mom could reach him, Hyukjae ran out.

He ran as far as he could. He ran until he’s out of breath, until he passes out...

...hoping it was all just a bad dream.

~*~

It’s been a few weeks since the last time they’ve seen each other. Donghae was released from the hospital a few days back but Hyukjae didn’t bother to come over. The last thing he wanted to see right now was him. He was hurt, depressed but mostly frustrated. Everything felt like his life is on ing rewind.Why did even let all this happen again? Why did he even let people enter his life again even though he knew he’ll be left in the end? Donghae was just like Kibum—a hypocrite. All those lies.  All those promises.

But, on a second thought, Donghae never promised him something. Then, was it just him that he learned to trust Donghae that he thought all this time the younger promised him with something? Hyukjae silently cried through the sheets as he tried to deal with his thoughts.

“Hyukkie...”Gently, his mother sat beside him in his bed. Hyukjae began sobbing a bit more on his sheets when his mom began his hair.

“I remember...” His mother softly laughed as she spoke. “...you were just like this way back when Donghae told you they’ll be leaving for Mokpo. You didn’t even talk to him for days.”

“ I also remembered the day we’re in the port, the day he promised that he’ll be coming back for you before they left and you were so happy.”

“But do you also remember umma that he never replied to any of my letters. Even once.” The red-head spatted out. Donghae was the one who left him hanging. He never trusted him since then. Hyukjae felt his mom became silent as she slowly retreat her hands away from his son.

“He...he had cancer, sweetie.”  His eyes shot wide as soon as he heard his mother’s revelation. He couldn’t believe his own ears. He didn’t know. He really didn’t know.

“The truth is, it’s Donghae’s choice to transfer to Mokpo. He knew back then he had a bad condition he feared that sooner or later, he wouldn’t survive, that he’ll end up leaving his bestfriend behind. He only cared for you Hyukkie that’s why, even though how hard it’s going to be, he decided to break your communication so it wouldn’t be harder for you.  It’s not his choice to leave but he had his reasons. I know it.” There was a slight pause of breath from his mom as she continued.

“...because that boy never fails to ask me every single day about his bestfriend. He would write letters to me, and sometimes call me and ask the things his bestfriend does, the things he like. Everything.  If only you knew how happy he was, the day he told me the news that he recovered from his sickness. If only you knew the first thing he wanted to do is to see you.”  The tears began pouring form his eyes like a waterfall. Things began to clear off of his mind.

‘Sometimes, it’s not their choice but there’s always a reason why people leave.’  Donghae never wanted to leave him at the first place. He did care for him. He really does. It was only him that he became so selfish of his own feelings.  How could he...

“But...it’s a different situation now Hyukkie.” Hyukjae looked at his mom that was also about to cry. “D-donghae...he might not survive anymore.”

It was only that time he knew Donghae had Leukemia and it’s already on stage four. Usually, people with stage four cancers rarely survive. It was also that time that Hyukjae knew the doctors had given up on Donghae after giving him the verdict of his remaining days with them.

“Donghae’s an angel... and you’re lucky. You’re lucky that such angel would like to spend his remaining time here on earth with you.”

That afternoon, he went as fast as he could to Donghae’s house. His heart sank as soon as Donghae’s mom embraced him, cried and whispered that Donghae have been waiting to see him.

The moment he saw him in his room, he thought his heart stopped beating. Donghae was quietly sitting on a recliner in the veranda, gazing outside as if it’s the most beautiful scenery he had seen. With a little encouragement from Donghae’s mom, Hyukjae slowly walked inside in a mixture of emotion that he couldn’t explain.

Slowly, Donghae turned to him, with a smile.  It was an undying smile that can never be defied by any circumstance, a smile that always captivates his heart. He’s gotten thin and his skin is nothing but pale yet, ironically, he looks so serene and beautiful, despite the fact he knew under that loose beanie were shedding peices of hair due to his treatment.

Hyukjae sat beside him, keeping a distance since he was aware of how painful for a cancer patient to be touched, even the slightest, it would hurt.

“I’m sorry Hyukjae...” No matter how hard Hyukjae would contain his tears from falling, it just poured right there when Donghae spoke and ask forgiveness that he should have not done. Hyukjae cried harder when he felt the younger reached for him and pulled him in a hug that is not too tight yet very comforting. He knew it would hurt the other but Donghae insisted.

“I’m the one who should say that, pabo!” It was a muffled scream due to his uncontolled sobs through the other’s chest. He had wanted to ask forgiveness for his stubborness. They ended up like that until Hyukjae’s tears dried up.  It was remarkable how Donghae stayed there with him, peacefully soothing him with words Hyukjae hoped they were true.

Ever since that day, Hyukjae decided to take care of Donghae and make him happy even for the shortest time. Eventhough as days pass by so fast and Donghae had been getting weaker and weaker, Hyukjae managed to be strong for him.

He had to.

One morning, Hyukjae almost ran through the house when he didn’t see Donghae in his bed. He was surprised when suddenly,Donghae appeared in front of him, dressed and prepared, as if he was about to go out.

“Yah! I’ve been waiting for you. What took you so long?”

“I...” he might look like an idiot staring at the younger at the moment but he was nothing but in complete bewilderment. Donghae looks somewhat...healthy.

“You promised me we’re going to the amusement park today. Remember?”

“I...I-i did...bu---“

“Then let’s go!” Donghae dragged him outside as they flew to the amusement park as fast as possible.  Though, still puzzled at Donghae’s sudden actions, he might as well enjoy this. Maybe, Donghae felt a lot better. Maybe, Donghae is cured. Maybe, Donghae will stay longer. It’s as if the heavens opened up their skies.

For the past few days that had been raining, miraculously, the sun shined above them. The amusement park was filled with children and their cheerful faces and those happy colors of the balloons and those fluffly cotton candies sold everywhere. It was indeed a perfect day. It’s just like when they were kids. Both of them could never get happier than this.

It was near sunset when they’ve decided to go home but Donghae insisted to stay for a bit and ask for a rest since he’s getting tired and it’s going to be a long way back home. They sat on a bench for a while, feeling the sunset breeze that had been starting to get colder as it reaches the night.

“Here.” Hyukjae removed his jacket and offered it to the younger.

“It’s okay, thanks. It’s been a while since the last time I felt air on my skin. ” Donghae slowly leaned to the bench and closed his eyes. “I never thought it would feel this nice.”  Hyukjae watched how the other peacefully breathes in the cold sunset breeze, with that special smile in his face. A kind of smile he rarely sees that he was drawn into it. As the streaks of orange sun rays delicately outline his features, Hyukjae never thought how beautiful this person is, both inside and out. He was indeed an angel sent from above and he is proud to tell the whole world that Lee Donghae is his bestfriend and that he will love him forever. Together, they admired the sun, slowly bid its goodbye to the skies.

“I’m so tired.” Hyukjae moved closer beside Donghae, letting the younger lean on his shoulders. “But you know what? This is the happiest day of my life.”

“So as mine.” 

It was a long silence before Donghae spoke again.

“Hyukjae...”

“Hmm?”

“I wish to see you more like this.”

“Like what?”

“ You’re always smiling, laughing---you’re always happy.”He heard him heaved a sigh yet continued. “ But..,but I guess time is too short for me,  neh?”

“Hey, don’t say that.” 

“Then, I want you to promise me something.” No matter how uncertain he was, Hyukjae slowly nodded.

 “Promise me that you’ll have more friends that will look up to you when I’m gone. Promise me that you’ll have friends that you will treasure, friends you will trust. Don’t worry. Wherever you go,  I’ll always look out for you.” 

There was something odd about Donghae today that he began talking about things he would always refuse to listen.  He couldn’t help but to laugh at himself, ironically out of that developing fear inside him.

No, he thought, Donghae might just wanna talk about stuff that’s all.

“And another thing.”

“Would you let me call you your pet name, even only for today?”  His voice gets weaker and weaker everytime he speaks that he was almost inaudible. Also Hyukjae noticed that Donghae gets heavier on his shoulders.

“Y-yes...b-but only for today...” He didn’t know when his tears began falling from his eyes. What was he even saying?  He thought, everything’s going to be okay. He thought,he was looking fine a few hours ago that he was getting all better now and that he wouldn’t leave him anymore...Hyukjae contained the violent sobs that began to form in his throat.

No, it’s all too soon for this...

“Thank you so much, Hyukkie...”

He never thought those were the last few words he would hear from Donghae. That night, Donghae passed away after trying to revive him in the hospital. Sadly, he didn’t make it.

Although tears run dry on those eyes every night, in a way, Hyukjae felt relieved after his bestfriend’s death. At last, all his pain in life ended with a smile in his lips. At least he knew to himself that he had succeeded in his will to make Donghae’s last few days in this earth and that is nothing but pure happiness. He misses him so bad that there are nights that he would silently cry for him but whenever he remembers his promise, that wherever he was, Donghae is still there, looking out for him, he would sleep peacefully.

One day, something happened he never expected.

“Yobeoseyo?”  No reply from the other line.

“Yobeoseyo?”

“Open your door.”

“Huh?” Hyukjae dumbly replied when all of a sudden, he heard someone knocking form the door. As soon as the door opened and saw the person standing right before him, he almost dropped the phone in shock.

“I knew you’d still use the same number...” the guy greeted him with that ever familiar smile he used to wear.

“Ki-Kibum?”

“It’s nice to see you Hyukjae...”

“He didn’t leave you. You just have to trust him.  Sometimes, it’s not their choice but there’s always a reason why people leave. Absence doesn’t mean it’s like forever.”

Indeed.  Donghae is always there, looking out for him.