The Times He made me Cry

 

 

There he was walking towards my direction. He was bringing my favorite bouquet of white tulips. The guy I'm talking about is Kangin, the man I would love to call MINE.

It was this school year when I met him in an Outreach Program in school. I was an officer in that organization while he was just the ordinary student. He was neat, attractive & has these cutest eyes that smiles whenever he smiles. I was mesmerized by his beauty, as if the God of Masculinity is right before my very eyes. He was the boy from another section whom I didn't recognize but now has caught my eyes.

We had another chance to be together in an activity and suddenly he just asked for my mobile number and asked me if he could take me home. I was dumbfounded. I am somebody who has never had boyfriend since birth . I usually say "NO" to dates or to men but this time, I said YES for the first time. I gave him my number and allowed him to take me home. From that night on, we kept on hanging out together.

We were like Best of Friends. We shared our problems to one another and we even cry with each others endeavors in life. We text almost everyday, we call each other and talk almost every night.

Our sudden closeness to each other has spread like a FIRE. People thought we were together as a couple. We absorbed all those issues and just SMILED. I know people will never understand the kind of friendship we have.

I must admit that I really like him and I felt he was feeling the same. I maybe naive when it comes to relationships but, I am not that Numb.

On his 21st birthday, he invited me to their home. He introduced me to his parents and siblings and the warmth of his family was one of the things that made me like him even more. After our dinner, he took me to their porch and handed me a cup of coffee.

I really can't hold my feelings and my mouth any longer so I finally said my piece. I challenged him with one question but his answer surprised me.

"Kangin, will your life still be the same without me?" I asked. I as trembling and butterflies are on my stomach.

There was silence. He stared blankly at the stars in the sky. When he looked at me, his tears fell.

"NO Teukie. Ever since you came, My life has changed and if you leave I don't know what will I do without you." He said. "Don't leave me. I have so many friends both from high school and college but I don't understand why It's only you that I can tell it all. I can cry with you." He added.

I was surprised. He needs me in his Life. So this is the feeling of being needed by someone.

I hugged him so tight and whispered "Kangin. Never will I leave you. I will leave you only if you ask me to. Don't you think it would be a torture for me leaving you behind? Just the thought that it hurts me so much!"

I dried those tears and kissed those eyes.

His night ended with both of us happy. We had an assurance of not being together no matter where it will take us.

I was about to sleep that night but I can't. So I went out and stared at the stars in the sky. He needs me but does he Love me? Tears fell from my eyes and that was the first time he made me cry.

Months passed and still issues about us never ended. There are pictures of him and this certain girl in his facebook account that made me go so mad. Just the thought of that picture pains me so much. I wanted to confront him but who am i to him?

"Kangin, what am i to you?" I asked him as we had dinner together. 

"Do you really want to know?" He said while eating a French Fry.

I stopped and thought for a while. I was so afraid of one thing- REJECTION from the man in front of me. The man I liked.

"Kangin, I know from the very start that things are never gonna work between us." I said and felt like crying.

"What made you say that? It is working. It is." He said and his gaze never left me.

 

"I'm afraid that everything will be ruined-. Our friendship. Just because of what I'm feeling for you." I said & I am about to cry. "Do you have feelings for me? Even the smallest feeling there in your heart?." I asked hopelessly. Praying for a good answer.

"Yes. That's why when you asked me if my life would still be the same without you, I cried. I don't want you to leave me." He said. "But you see, I'm not ready for a commitment and I'm so afraid to hurt you. You are no ordinary girl and I love our friendship." he added.

Wow. All this time, I thought I was just in love in silence but then he feels the same. 

"Who would not fall for you? You give. You Love. You share. But for now I can't afford to lose you 'cause you are my bestfriend. I don't want to lose you." He said.

"Great! When I finally found someone whom I thought I can lean on is a coward." I said. "I'll wait Kangin, but I can't wait for FOREVER 'cause feelings may change. For now I can assure you my loyalty." I added.

"Thank you. But if you want to go, I will let you go but I promise I'll get you back. I'll cry if someday, you'll never be mine." He said.

"Best Friends then." I said.

We continued our chat and I must say that it was one of the best conversation we had.

I really never wanted for us just to be like this. I don't have the right to ask him who is he with or I don't even have the right to get jealous. 

 

My right over him is really questionable. Then I cried for the second time over something I am not sure of. 

Things went well and the day of our graduation came. What a FLASHBACK of events. Now here goes Kangin walking towards my direction. He was bringing my favorite purple tulips. He handed me that bouquet and was about to kiss my cheek but I stopped him. 

"Wait! I'm to introduce you to my Eomma & Appa right?" I said and held his hand tight as I brought him to my Family who were patiently waiting for me. My Family has heard a lot of Kangin. His name is my sister's tease, mu dad's sermon & my mom's nag, but for me? His name is the sweetest Lullaby I've ever heard.

"Eomma, Appa, this Kangin." I said. My bestfriend the took my father's hand which was offered to him. 

"Young boy, take care of our daughter." My mother said. I looked at them. I tried to question what they were trying to say.

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