Dreams.
Everyone has it. No matter how old you are, where you are or what you're doing, you'll always have a dream.
Some may think it's not necessary, while others hold on to it as it gives them the courage and motivation in life.

Here I am, watching him, his beautiful blonde hair, milky skin, having face of an angel, a smile that melts my heart and eyes that pierce through my soul, standing under that spotlight he's like an angel like no other.
It feels like a dream seeing him, seeing them, all of them just smiling and laughing and talking and doing silly things, speaking in a language I'm all too familiar with.
It's this moment that I've been longing for. 
I treasure this moment so much my heart hurts.

Himchan.
I waved at him, and wanted his attention so badly.
But he never waved back.
Maybe he didn't see me because there were people raising their hands up too.
But it's okay. 

Jongup.
I turned my attention to someone else.
He was standing on my side of the stage. 
He was scanning his cute little eyes around the crowd.
I raised both my hands up immediately and waved frantically hoping he'd see me.
Suddenly, there he was, looking directly into my eyes. 
My heart leaped.
I waved as hard as I could and gave him a really wide smile.
He smiled at me; or maybe more of a smile-smirk.
I was so happy I felt like I was gonna cry, like a really huge lump in my throat.
From then on, I wanted his attention all the way.
At one point, he was dancing and pointed out to the crowd.
He was watching the crowd and was watching my direction as he danced.
I pointed back at him long enough for him to look into my eyes again as he danced; He gave me that smile again.
My heart was already pounding.
Throughout the time he kept looking into my direction and I knew I've gotten his attention.
I waved again. He smiled again. It repeats.
I have never felt so much longing within me.
I felt so completed.

Then, there was someone else's attention I wanted as well.

Daehyun.
Smiling widely showing his pearly white teeth he was looking in my direction.
Again I immediately raised both my arms and waved as I hard as I could. 
After a few seconds of watching me waving, he finally waved back.
I flipped on the inside.

Nothing can ever beat these few moments I'm having.
It's all too real, it feels like a dream but its not.
I'm chasing my dream and here I am watching my dream come true.
The longing I'm having, my heart, my soul, I'm taking control of it.
Words can never describe the feelings I'm having.
These people standing on the stage mean so much to me.
Every second as I watch them, my love for each of them grew stronger.
I need it. I need them. 
"Obsession"
Is that it?
But it's not, you don't know my heart. 
My heart is pure and true just like my love for him, for them.

Although I didn't get any attention from the person I truly wanted attention from, watching him on stage under that spotlight makes me happy.
Maybe that's all I'll ever be; a fan.
But everyone wants to be more than just a fan.
I wanted him to notice me, I wanted him to know I exist. 
I love him.
I love you, Himchan.

Maybe in this life, we will never be together.
But in my next life, I want you to be with me.
In my next life, you'll be my prince charming.
You'll be my soulmate. 
You'll only look at me and notice me.
No more being "one-sided".
Because in my next life, we will be together and love each other equally. 

No, it's not an obsession.
It's passion.
 
For now, from where I am, I'll be supporting you whole heartedly.
You'll never know me but you know there are fans who are always with you.
I am always with you.
I am always watching you.
Unconditionally always giving my love to you.
I love you truly and deeply so much that it hurts.
But watching you under that spotlight and doing your very best makes me feel satisfied.
Because I know you'll never be a disappointment. 
No one can ever replace you.
You hold a special torch in my heart and that torch will never fade away.

Within my heart and soul, I know I am more than just a fan.

"It hurts when you truly love your idol." -Super Junior, EunHyuk.