Jungsoo,
I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write. I could come up with some pathetic excuse, but I know you wouldn't like that. In all honesty, I just don't know what to say.
I miss you.
It's silly, but I really do. I am happy you are doing your duty as a Korean citizen, serving your country. But I can't help but feel selfish. Counting down the days until you are here again.
I got a puppy last week. It was lonely here by myself. I named him angel. He is a Pug puppy. He is so little! He is a lot like you. Next time you are permitted to visit family and friends you can come and see him.
I am sorry for not visiting you. I am scared. You told me to be strong, but I don't think I would be able to help myself if I saw you. I didn't want to embarrass you. I want it to be about you, not me. I feel so selfish at times like these, no matter how hard I try.
I don't know how Seo Eun-unni did it with Kangin.
Your mother came to visit me after you left. I love your mom, she was so kind. You take after her so much. That's one of the things I like about you.
Your mother brought along food as well, and I ate it well. She takes care of me so much. I feel it should be the other way around. I told her that too and she said not until she and you had an important conversation.
Your mom misses you as well. She is worried about you not sleeping and eating enough. You have to remember, you are not Leeteuk! You are Jungsoo! Jungsoo sleeps lots and eats too much! Alright?
I see you on TV sometimes, it makes me miss you more.
This letter has taken a sad turn. It wasn't suppose to be so sad! I feel bad now. I'll just start over.
I really miss you.

***

She crumples up the letter in frustration and throws it at the waste bin.
This wasn't going well. She tried to write letters to him before, but it was hard. She didn't know how to express herself. She felt horrible not being able to send him a letter.

***

"Last time hyung visited, he was surprised not to see you. He seemed a bit sad too." Kang In tells her. He came to visit her at work, concerned that he hadn't seen her recently.
"I..." she pauses. How was she going to phrase this without sounding pathetic.
I miss him?
Easy solution, go and see him.
I'm scared of how things will happen?
You won't know unless it happens.
Why was it so hard to express herself!
"it's complicated." she finally decided on. Kang In just sits there waiting for an explanation. That's one thing she liked about him. He wouldn't pry, he would wait till you told him. But he was good about getting it out of you. But in this situation, she hated it.
"It's silly"
He just stares, waiting for it.
"I am not going to spill everything to you Kang In."
He just takes a sip from his coffee, waiting patiently.
"I'm scared." She finally  breaks down to him.
"Why?"
It was a simple enough question, but it wasn't something she wanted to think about. It hurt too much.
"It hurts to think about it."
"Why?"
"You say why one more time and I swear to god Kangin"
He smiles, waiting for her reply.
"I don't know what will happen and I am terrified to find out. I don't like not knowing what will happen. It is a scary place to be."
"Sometimes you just got to jump, without thinking about it. Otherwise, you'll never move forward."
"I hate you and your philosophy. Why can't it be simple?"
"Dating a celebrity is never simple. You should know that by now."
"I should have learned a lot of things by now, and writing a letter is one of them."

***

Ga Eun crumples up yet another attempt at writing a letter and throws it in the direction of the overflowing waste bin. She has used up so much paper, and has yet to write a decent letter to Jungsoo.
Ga Eun gets up from her spot at the desk and makes her way to her bed, where she falls face first into her pillows, her puppy angel wags his tail and sits by his owner's head.
"Angel, I wish you were human so you could write my letter for me," she mutters into her pillow, petting the puppy.
He just sits there, enjoying the attention.
"I wish you could talk too, but listening is better than nothing." she flips onto her back and puts the puppy on her stomach. He lays down, his head resting on his paws. Comfortable and content.
"I miss him, but I am scared. I haven't seen him since he left, let alone talked to him. It's been over a year angel. He's probably upset with me. I feel like I let him down." He sneezes, a sign of frustration. "I know, it doesn't have to be elaborate. I just have a hard time communicating in the first place, and I know he'd appreciate and cherish it, no matter how bad it was. I just want it to be perfect for him. He deserves that at the least. He has been so kind to me this past two years. I haven't said it much..." she pauses, caught up in the release of all these emotions. Something she hasn't been able to do in a long time. "I love him. I really do, Everything he does, everything he is, I love it. He makes me feel do giddy and happy when we are together. Even if it was only a phone call that week, or even a text, I cherished it. I don't delete them. I don't want to loose them... I don't want to loose him..." Ga Eun steadies her breathing, and moving angel so he was lying somewhere besides on her body.
Making her way to her living room, she was looking for something, she was on a mission. She approached a picture frame hanging on the wall, smiling at the memory as she took it down.

***

She had only met his mom twice before this meeting, but they were both extremely quick, and she didn't have a lot of time to say anything. She grabs his hand, finding something to sooth her anxiety. He always seemed to be good at that.
"Nervous?" he chuckles when she nods her head in response. He just squeezes her hand.
"She likes you, she's the one who wanted to fix you dinner tonight. Don't worry or stress about it. I'll be there the entire time." he give her another reassuring squeeze to her hand before pulling away so he could park the car nicely. But as soon as that was finished and he was pulling the keys out of the ignition, she reached for his hand again.
"What if there are fans waiting for you, outside you mother's house? They know where she lives and wait there sometimes to see you. I don't want them to see us. I don't think I can do this, I'm feeling nauseous."
He doesn't laugh at her nervous-ness this time. He understood how she felt about situations like these, she had anxiety issues, he wanted her to feel safe.
"I can call my mom and have her see if there are any around. If you want, we can sneak around like we're undercover. I promise, I will be here. I am not leaving." he puts they keys away and grabs her hand, calling his mother with the other, making sure it was clear.
Once he was given the okay he let's go of her hand and exits the car to the trunk. He pulls out a sweatshirt and a hat. Putting both on, and pulling up the hood, and his sunglasses hiding most of his face.
"You look ridiculous. " She says when she calms down enough to get out of the car. She wraps her arms around his shoulders, embracing him tightly. "Thank you."
"Can we get going, now? I'm starving. Diets ." She laughs, and let's go, but grabbing his hand, so they still were connected.
Trying their best to be as inconspicuous as possible, which ended up in them both looking extremely suspicious, they made it to his mother's house without much trouble.
After exchanging formalities, they were found sitting at a table, Jungsoo, his mother, and Ga Eun who was still holding his hand tightly.
Jungsoo was telling his mom what he'd been up to recently. Preparing for the comeback, leaving out the fact he was dieting, keeping the members from killing each other with practical jokes, and helping out some of the newer trainees and groups, when his stomach growled loudly, earning an apologetic laugh from him, a happy laugh from his mom and a small smile from Ga Eun.
"Why don't I get started on dinner? What do you want tonight?" She gets up from the table. "How does chicken sound?" Jungsoo made a sound, similar to a dying whale. His mother laughed again and went to the kitchen, followed by the couple bringing in the cups to the breakfast bar so the could watch.
"Do you want some help Mrs. Park?" Ga Eun speaks up, the first thing she's said past the greeting.
"I don't need any help now, but I will later, if you are okay with that." She smiled warmly at Ga Eun.
With Mrs. Park bustling around the kitchen, Ga Eun sat on a stool next to Jungsoo, still clinging to his hand, though significantly more relaxed.
"Hey mom, have you heard the new song yet? I don't remember if I showed you or not yet. I got a copy of the song on my phone if you wanted to listen."
"He never stops talking. I wonder what is it like when it is just you two alone. He makes all the noise doesn't he." she winks at Ga Eun, a double meaning hidden between her words that Ga Eun didn't miss, causing a bright blush to appear on her face.
"Ah-No, uh, we haven't!" Ga Eun finally spits out after he left to hook his phone to the sound system so they could hear the comeback song.
"He really does love you, you know? You are all he talks about when he comes here. It's good he has found somebody like you. You take really good care of him."
Ga Eun was still flustered from her last comment, but this one surprised her even more.
"Thank you, but it really is the other way around. He is always taking care of me, I am afraid everything I've done or asked him to do has only created a burden on him. And when I do try, it isn't nearly half of what he has done for me." she replies, and Mrs. Park just smiles.
She puts her hand on her shoulder, "We can leave the food alone for now, I am pretty sure he is waiting for us now. Have you heard the song?"
"No, I think he wanted to show you first, that's what I would have done." Ga Eun follows his mother to the couches where her son was sitting.
"See. Mom doesn't bite." He winks and gets up so he could turn on the song. Mrs. Park steals Jungsoo's seat, while Ga Eun waits for her boyfriend to sit down. Instead he walks over to where she was, and hugs her from behind, his arms wrapped around her waist. She tries to wiggle from his grasp, but he held on, his mother smiled at the site, she was happy that her son was acting like this. She loved to see him happy.
"junbidwen jaman aneun geol." He hums along to his part, in his own world, content in this moment.
Ga Eun couldn't help but smile, his mood was contagious.
"So cute!" his mother coos, snapping a picture quickly. "I like the song Jungsoo-yah. You and the boys did fantastic. I can't wait to see the video. Why don't you two set the table and I'll finish things up."

***

"Who is that, hyung?" a younger soldier asked Leeteuk as he looks down at the picture, bringing him from the memory.
"My girlfriend. My mom snapped the picture when I was showing them both the newest super junior song last year. It was my favorite picture of us, Ga Eun had it framed up in her house." He smiles warmly.
"Jungsoo-hyung, you're so whipped." Another solider laughs from his bed.
"At least I can get a girlfriend." he replies to the soldier, reviving many laughs from the rest sharing the room with him. He looks down at the picture again. It was the first communication he had with her since he left.
"Hyung, what's it say on the back?" Privet Kim asks.
He flips the picture over, and a big smile crosses his face.

'I love you Park Jung Soo'