PLAYLIST

1.       Just Give Me a Reason by Pink feat. Nate Ruess

I thought everything between is perfection. You know, Jiyong + Seungri= LOVE. You always invade my head when I need to think straight. Ironically, I let you invade my mind. Such a cheater, you. Now, you are slowly slipping away. The once perfect love that I pictured is now crumbling. I don’t know what went wrong. One day it was all rainbows and unicorns-but now, I don’t know. But there is one thing that I’m sure of—I love you and I will fight for you, Lee Seunghyun.

2.       Pyrite(Fool’s Gold) by Frank Ocean

You always declare in interviews that “Maknae is mine!” or steal the chances to hug or kiss me in front of the camera. I thought it was just for the sake of the goddamn fan service. Yet, slowly, I’m starting to seek out your attention. Everytime you pull out fan services to TOP-Hyung, YB-Hyung and Dae-hyung, I feel jealous and wishing that it was just me instead of them. I was bothered by it at first but I couldn’t help myself to imagine what it would be like to hold hands with you while strolling or kiss you on the lips. I cannot help myself to imagine what it would be like to be loved by you. Then the issue between you and that Mizuhara girl came up. I denied it to myself first, I just thought that “Nah she’s just one of hyung’s girls”. That’s what I thought. One night, you came inside my room, beaming. My heart can’t stop doing backflips. I asked you what you are smiling at.

“Seungri-ah, I’m starting to date Kiko. Please keep this as a secret for a while.”

The world turned black.

Unrequited love is such a .

3.       Ruby by Foster the People

You are shattered into pieces.

The Kwon Jiyong I know is like a titanium, unbreakable, headstrong, thick-skinned.

That’s just your ing mask, isn’t?

Because I can see you right now, breaking in front of my very own eyes. The incident broke you to the core. You are now walking through the path of loneliness. You are now on the verge of tearing yourself apart.

I can’t let that happen.

I watched you as you swig down your 5^th bottle of soju, drowning yourself of alcohol, to numb yourself from pain. To make you feel jaded. I swiftly took the bottle from your hand. You were about to protest and say something. Then I hugged you. Tight. You were trying to push me away but I hugged you tighter. So tight I think you’re struggling to breath. Then you started crying. Ugly sobs. You were crying and screaming at the same time. My heart keeps on breaking every time I see you cry. You need to let it out though, or else you might think of killing yourself. I shushed you. I kept on rubbing your back and comforted you. When you had compose yourself, you looked right into my eyes. I looked back. We just stayed like that for a few moments.

“Thank you, Maknae” You whispered. For the first time since the scandal, you smiled.

“I’ll do anything for you, hyung”

All along rest your head on my lap

When you’re down

All along rest your head on my lap

On my lap

4.Mine by Taylor Swift

You are my precious Maknae. I don’t know why but I feel like you are my belonging. If it’s possible to put a sign of “Property of Kwon Jiyong” at you’re back, I’d do it. I hate it when there are girls lusting over you. Hate it when then say they want you to be their husband or .

. I ing hate that.

I know you don’t like to someone’s property. But we could pass it off right? I can be an exemption, right? I can make you feel good and bad at the same time, right, Seungri?

I can make you mine, right?

5.       Us Against The World

Hyung, Taeyang and Daesung found out about our secret.

They said if we’ll continue our “indecent” relationship, they’ll spill it to Yang Hyun Suk-hyungnim.

Ha. As if I’ll let them do it to us.

You were scared. You thought of breaking it up with me.

No. It will not happen.

Even if I’ll lose everything that I have now. Money, fame, recognition.

It will not replace the feeling if they’ll tear us apart.

Through chaos as it swirls, it’s just us against the world.

6.       Dead Man Walking by The Script

I never thought I’d lose in a single snap. You may not notice it but I can feel that you are slowly flying away from me. Jiyong-ah, why? I thought you and I will fight together all the odds? Why quit now? Why surrender in the battle this fast?

Now I feel like I’m a corpse walking through a lifeless road.

I may be alive, but inside I’m already dead.

You killed me, Kwon Jiyong.

In this bloodless fight, we both lose.

But I lost even more

You.

7.       Sad Beautiful Tragic by Taylor Swift

Long distance relationships.

They say “absence makes the heart grow fonder”

Really? I don’t feel that. I used to but now…..

 I felt like you have been taken away from me. Literally and figuratively.

You know what Lee Seunghyun, our relationship was like a rollercoaster. We were happy then the next thing we’re fighting about petty things. It was fun you know, to be with you. It was fun while it lasted.

You accepted many jobs and appearances in Japan. I protested at first, you know how I will miss you. I will call you nonstop, video call you on Skype, anything that will let our communication be alive. Yet as the plane to Japan took you, as the months passed by, with the countless times that we had more arguments on phone rather that saying sweet nothings to each other, I could say now that my love for you was taken as well. I don’t know if you’re still thinking about me. I go crazy every time I see you with someone else. As much as I ing love you, it’s starting to cloud my judgement. I don’t want that. It’s the scariest thing that will happen if I continue this.

I know it’s hard and painful; to let everything go. But there is just one thing I want to say.

Our love was perfect. It was beautiful. You made it magical.

Goodbye.

8.       Stolen by Dashboard Confessionals

Do you believe in love at first sight? When your world suddenly stops when you had met the eyes of the thief of your heart?

I used to laugh about it. “Those are just for fools!” I would exclaim.

Then you came.

Lee Seunghyun.

You came into the Bigbang dormitory nothing but determination and drive. To train yourself to be included as one of the members of the new boy group of YG. I noticed your eyes. To a normal [erson, they would frown at it. The area around your eyes are so dark. The result of watching too much at might I guess. In an odd way, I found it beautiful. .

You’re a guy Jiyong! Male!

I wore my arrogant leader mask to scare you off. Well not really to scare you, more like to intimidate you. To let you know Me: Leader You: Maknae. Just like that.

You approached me first. Wow.

“Hi, I’m Lee Seunghyun. I will train as the main dancer. Please take care of me!”

You smiled. No- you beamed.

Heartbeat is going faster.

Damn.

“I’m Kwon Jiyong, the leader. You can call me Hyung if you want.”

You smiled even wider. Will you ing stop it?

“Hyung? I never had a hyung! Okay I will call you hyung from now on!”

Your eyes sparkled and goddamn it, it was beautiful.

So this is how it feels when your heart is stolen by someone, eh? Because I like how it feels.

Heck, I love it.

I smiled back. “Good boy.”

Damn you Seungri, such a mischievous heart thief.

I don’t want you to give my heart back though, it’s all yours.

9.       Never Let Me Go by Florence and the Machine

“Hyung, why do you think people drown themselves from loving someone so much?”

“Huh? Drowning? Is that even possible?”

“Y-Yeah. They say it’s the scariest feeling a person can feel when they’re in love.”

“Well I think it’s because they feel like they’d die without that person. You know, like how humans need oxygen underwater. When we lose it, we drown.”

“Have you ever felt it, hyung?”

“…….”

“They were right hyung, drowning from the feeling of loving someone is the scariest feeling. Much scarier than death.”

“Seungri I-“

“It’s alright hyung, if I will drown myself to the ocean of my love for you. Its okay, you know. You can just leave to drown. I don’t mind.”

“Seungri, can I say something?”

“Of course, hyung”

“I’m also drowning from this feeling you know. Don’t think like that because you’re not the only one who’s suffocating.

“Hyung, are you saying that-“

“Yes, maknae, we feel the same way.”

“Are you scared?”

“Yeah. I am. But if you’ll save me from drowning. It’ll be worth it.”

“I will save you, hyung.”

“I know you will Seungri, I know you will.”

“You won’t let go right, hyung?”

“None of us will let go.”

10.   I Don’t Believe in Love by We Are Trees

Love?

Eww

Eww

Eww

I hate it when you laugh maniacally. It makes me want to put duct tape in your mouth. Somehow, your laugh would make a good ringtone for my phone. Or as alarm, I don’t know. I loathe it when you grind your hips when you dance to the choreography of our steps. Every time you move, I notice your little bulge wriggling from inside your boxers, it makes my jaw drop. With drool as an extra. I don’t like the way you make my heart thump every time your face is just a few inches away from mine. I hate how your eyes have these dark circles. I know you watch and maybe, just maybe, you wank yourself. Do you even think about me while you touch yourself? AND I hate the way you your lips while you’re talking. Of course it’s gross! You do that when you talk to me! It makes me think how it would feel when you press those saliva-slicked lips onto my lips. Then you push your tongue inside my mouth and I’ll play with it, let our tongues clash like we’re dancing capoeira.

Ugh.

Love makes me feel weird.

I hate this. Really hate-

Shut up, Kwon Jiyong.