Joonmyun and I have been friends since high school. We started dating 2 years ago. Everybody in school were envious of us. We were like the perfect couple - best friends, siblings, enemies, family. We could be anything for each other. I was happy for him too when he was recruited into SM entertainment. But I knew, deep down inside, we would not be together for long. He promised me, that he would still love me. That no matter how famous he got, he would be with me. I trusted him...

", there's something wrong with hyung. He keeps messing up the dance steps and now he is being such an . He would not listen to anyone of us and we have to complete this routine by today or our debut will be delayed. Can you help us, jebal?" Luhan phoned me about Suho. I agreed. I hurriedly drove my car to their company. On the way, I was worried. Worried that  Suho was too stressed. Worried that he might break down. He was going to be the leader of EXO, and they would be debuting in a month. Under all those jokes and gummy smiles, I could see that he was stressed.

When I arrived at the practice room, I saw all the members crowded outside. I went up to them and asked what happened. Kai explained," When we were rehearsing, Suho hyung kept messing up the steps. We had a break for 5 minutes and then he became like that. He just sat in the corner, head buried in his knees. He wouldn't even talk to us." I nodded and said that I would try to help.

I walked into the dance room and found Suho facing the wall. I knelt down as I neared him and put my arms around his waist as I rested my head on his shoulder. "Jagiya, what's wrong?" No answer. I tried again. "Suho...It's me. It's ." Still no response. "Joonmyun, look at me." I said. I rarely called him by his real name now that he had a stage name and he needed to get used to it. Finally, he looked up and turned around. "What is it?" He asked with annoyance in his tone. "What's wrong? You can tell me. Jagiya.." I reached out to hold his hand but he moved away. I was getting annoyed. "Hey, if you're going to sit here and be a little , mourning over all the stress, so be it. That's what it takes to be an idol. You chose it. But do the other members deserve this? You are messing up their schedule. You are delaying them. They all want a chance to debut. You are the leader. You have to help them, protect them. Do I deserve this? I have been your girlfriend for 2 years and this is how you want to treat me? When all I want is to help you? Just think about it, Kim Joonmyun." I snapped. 

I stood up and turned to the door. He grabbed my hand and mumbled softly," Jagiya, mianhae. I just...I'm just really stressed. I don't know what to do..." I sat down again, now facing him. "Why are you stressed?" I asked. He started,"I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will mess everything up. I'm afraid I will have no fans. I'm afraid letting the members down. I'm afraid that I have no time for you. I'm afraid that showbiz will change who I am. I'm afraid that..." He broke down in tears. I moved closer to him and he sat on my legs, which were crosslegged. He sobbed in my shoulder and I rubbed his back to hush him. When his crying turned into little sniffles, I said, "Jagiya, there's nothing to worry about, really. You won't mess up because I know you will try your best. You will have fans because everybody would love your cute and friendly personality. You won't let the members down because they all believe you can do it. It's alright if you have no time for me, I will still love you. And I am sure showbiz will not change you because you are Kim Joonmyun." He looked at me and smiled. "Gomawo, . I really have no idea what to do without you." He sat up and kissed me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his warm lips on mine. I enjoyed the feeling of how he kissed me.

" We are one! Annyeong haseyo! We are Exo!" They greeted. It has been half a year since their debut and I was watching a live interview on television. The members were all really funny with their witty answers to the questions. Suho was asked if he had a girlfriend. Although I knew he would say no, I still hoped that he would say yes. Deep down inside. "Aniyo. She dumped me just before my debut and I don't think I will have anymore relationships anytime soon as it was kinda sad for me and I am planning on focusing on my carrer now." I was a little shocked by his answer but I knew that he did not mean it.

Very soon, he became a "couple" with F(x)'s Krystal Jung. Everybody shipped SuStal. They had skinship several times and they even had to kiss. Everytime I saw this, I would feel the pain in my heart. The pain of sharing my Suho with someone else. he apologised several times and I would just say it was ok because I knew he loved me more. But deep down inside, I did not feel good. I felt terrible. But in order to encourage him, I hid those feelings.

I haven't seen him for a week. I missed him lots. When I heard all 12 of their voices, I was elated. I pulled my earpiece out and ran to them. "Oppas, annyeong!" I group hugged all of them. Suho just walked back to our room silently. I guess he was tired.

"Jagiya, I missed you." I hugged him from behind. He kept quiet. What happened again? "Suho ah, do you know what day it is today?" I tried my luck. Hoping he would not forget it was my birthday. Annoyed, he replied harshly," How would I know if you don't tell me? I'm tired already. Just let me shower and then rest." I was shocked. Suho was never like this before. Even before we dated, when we were still friends, he never talked to me in this manner. When he came out of the shower, I brought a plate to him and said," Oppa, I made you your favourite cake. Have some, neh?" I smiled. He smacked the plate away onto the floor. "I told you I was tired. Stop annoying me." I felt as if my heart was ripped to pieces. The boys all came rushing in because they heard the glass break. I stared at Suho in disbelief. He actually did that to me. "Jinja, what's wrong with you?" He complained. I couldn't take it anymore. "What's wrong with me? You're asking me?! I should be the one saying that. I remeber that time in the dance room, when I told you showbiz would not change you. I GUESS I WAS WRONG!!!!" He slapped me. The member's all gasped and asked if I was alright. They seemed furious with Suho but I told them to let me handle it. "Let's break up. I knew this day would come anytime. I knew it from the time you told me you were casted. I just didn't expect it to be this way. I expected us to part amicably. But, no. I was wrong. But anyway, it would be better that we break up now. So that I can end my misery," I paused to wipe my tears that were flowing uncontrollably away. "But have you any idea how I feel? When you kiss Krystal? When you spend more time with her than with me? You really changed. You are no longer the Joonmyun I know." His face was red with anger." I DID NOT CHANGE! I NEVER DID! AND YOU, YOU ARE NOT BREAKING UP WITH ME. YOU PROMISED TO SUPPORT ME FOREVER!" He flared up. I couldn't believe my ears. I chuckled,"You promised not to let me cry. You promised not to make me sad. But now, what is this? " He was quiet for a moment. "Jagiya ah, mianhae. Jeongmal mianhae. I didn't mean to. I-" I cut him off before he could finish. "No. Don't. We would just be more miserable if we continued. I always knew this would happen. I had been dreading it. Now that it has, I can stop worrying. But one last thing. Thank you for doing this to me on my birthday." My voice became a low whisper. His eyes widened. I guess he did forget my birthday after all.

It's been a week now. He never stops calling me. I don't know what to do. I still loved him, a lot. But I was really tired. Tired of all the drama. Finally, I answered his call. We decided to meet up outside our old school. 

When I reached there, he came forward for a hug but I declined. We sat down on a bench and he started," Jagiya, mianhae. I'm sorry for everything. I had no idea how you felt all along. I'm sorry for being such an insensitive boyfriend. I'm sorry for not loving you enough. Can we start over?" I smiled. This were his true feelings. I could hear it in his voice. I could see it in his eyes. I kept silent but my hand started to reach for his. 

Kim joonmyun, saranghae...