Girls, the way their hair flows when they walk, the way that they walk down the hall, the way that they laugh and play around with their friends, the way they listened to their music, the way that their pencil slid across the lined paper with ease, the way that their outfits fit their personality and reflect who they are or who they want to be, and the way they smiled. Everything seemed to fascinate you.

I wished that I wouldn’t scare girls away when I went near them though; I just want to talk and be friends.

I always admired them from afar, being the eyes in the back of the classroom, forming secret crushes on the girls that would show their true selves. Every class there would be the group of classmates that I wished that I could get to know and become closer but I never had the guts to open my mouth to the group. You were in that group, the group that didn’t seem to fit you the right way. They were always so popular and material oriented, while you were intelligent, outgoing and bubbly.

I admired that about you, outgoing.

Your hair always framed your face perfectly weather it was pulled back or just flowing downward, you always extended a warm helping hand and always had a smile on your face. That is what I love the most, your smile. It always brightened my day, the way your white teeth enhanced your beauty. The way that other people lit up when you smiled at them, you never hesitated to find some reason to smile.

I wish I could do that, smile at anything and everything.

I tried to walk up to you during class, I tried to pair up with you for group projects but the groups never worked out how I wanted them to. When you got up to present the projects that you had worked countless hours on, the way that you held yourself when you were proud of your job well done, the way that you talked and how your words seemed to fit perfectly into anything that you were talking about. There are just so many things that intrigue me.

Every day I waited for that class with you, every day I looked forward to that class, for your smile.

—

I walked into the class like I always do, always making sure that I was early so I could see you walk in. I waited and waited for you, every passing moment seemed to hang in the balance as I waited to see you glide through the door, but you never came. Everyone came but you.

Why?

Why weren’t you here?

What happened?

Did I do something?

Did someone hurt you?

That class period was agony, trying to keep my mind in school while you and your smile were somewhere else.

I wanted to see your smile

I needed your smile

There was something magical about it. The class didn’t seem the same, the mood in the class was dark, dreary and almost a stranger feeling seeped through the cracks of the windows and door trying to engulf the class in the darkness as time passed. I began to feel like I didn’t matter, that if I left that no one would notice. I knew that if you were here and if you smiled, I knew everything was going to work out and that everything was ok.

My day fell apart after that, I couldn’t focus and concentrate at the task at hand. I tried to listen to music, trying tons of different genres. Writing, drawing, I did anything to try and bring me to that state of happiness that it seemed that only your smile could give me. I couldn’t dig myself out. I felt that I was wondering in a darkened hallway and you were always the angel in the tunnel that showed me the way. But now I am in the dark wondering alone for today, hopefully I will make it.

I searched your Facebook to try and find a picture of you smiling, but that only made me lower than I was, it wasn’t the same. You needed to be here. It was a foreign country without you here. I just needed to see you smile, once.

Once was all

Your smile made my heart flutter, my mind clear, my spirits lift, my perseverance increase, my determination grow. Without you was the polar opposite.

—

Shuffling to the class that once brought me light and happiness brought me sadness and disappointment.

What if you weren’t there again?

What am I going to do then?

I took a deep breath as I held it and gently exhaled as I walked to my seat devastatingly in the back of the classroom. I watched as people filed in through the door. The laughing increased as my curiosity heightened. You walked through the door, instantaneously I felt better, and I feel like I can breathe again. You are a breath of fresh air; you glanced my way when you took your seat, looking perfect as ever before.

During the class, the class went on a field trip to go look at the grounds surrounding the school, I hung back like I always do. But this time I had a purpose for my laziness. I had a delivery to make. You left the room walking with your friends. I slid my hand down into my backpack and pulled out folded paper which had characters on it. I slid it against my thigh as I walked past the desks, getting closer to your seat with every step. The teacher left the room and I fell even more behind. I took a small detour to your spot and ped your backpack slightly, just enough for my delivery. A scent filled the air. The heavenly aroma that surrounded you and your things was almost too much for me to handle. I quickly zipped up leaving my heart and dreams with that note that I slipped into your backpack. I ran out of the room to catch up to the class.

The slight breeze outside gently blew your perfect hair against your flawless skin, I stood a couple feet from you, I tried to keep my cool as we turned and looked the other direction, I slid behind some people avoiding you, I wanted to be close to you but I was too shy and awkward to do anything else than what my habit was when I got close to a girl. We finished outside and we slowly walked back inside as a class back to the room. The bell had only a few seconds before it was going to pierce our ear drums. I walked close to you when I accidently bumped you as you were walking around your desk. You turned to me and looked at me with your beautiful gemmed eyes, you apologized. My tongue instantly got tied; all I could do was gesture for you to go first. You gently accepted and smiled at me, that is when I lost it. The rest of the day all I could see was you, your smile, your eyes, your kindness, and just you.

—

That night I thought about the chance I took, the chance that could make or break me, the chance to ever see you smile at me again. I packed up a small bag and headed out, headed out on my bike to the docks. That is truly the only place where I can reflect on my life. I revved my bike, I raced out of the garage, and I drove down to the docks.

The fresh, salty, crisp air called me through my helmet. I pulled my bike onto the sand and slowly walked down to the moving docks that floated upon the water. I sat there the whole night, thinking, wondering, and hoping. I watched the beauty of the earth as the sun rose and fell upon the glassy water, the boats that made waves. I couldn’t help think of you and your smile. The sun was rising steadier spreading her light through the land, sheading her light to all of those that needed it. I still sat there contemplating.

Swift pounding on the wood caught my attention as I looked back and found you. The one with the wonderful smile that made me fall for you. You were coming to me. Your hair blew in the salty air as I stood up and turned to look at the angel that was before me.

“What are you doing here,_________?” I said as you caught your breath and placed your arms on mine

“I had to find you, you weren’t in class today.” You said as your eyes started wondering around for answers

“I had a lot to think about.” I denied myself, trying to ease her from any awkwardness that was lurching inside of me

“Well, I had to come and say thank you for the note.” She said as her breathing returned to about normal

“What do you mean thank you?” I asked as she removed her hands from my arms

“I read it last night. It made me feel like I was on cloud nine.” You said as you pushed your perfect hair behind your ear.

“It is true, I wrote down everything that I had words for, I tried to make you understand but I feel like words aren’t enough sometimes. You really make my day, everything that I said it came from my heart, and I couldn’t deny them any longer.” The words flowed out of my mouth without end. I watched her expression as I talked her gemmed eyes began to fill up with water. I thought she was cold so I removed my jacket from my shoulders and placed it on hers. She looked confused at first.

“You looked cold.” My awkward actions started to fill my head and I had to keep your smile in my head. I gently opened one of my smiles and you tiled your head and smiled back

“You have a wonderful smile.” She said as she pulled her arms through the jacket

Not as wonderful as yours