Youngjae smiled despite the pain, forcing his body and mind to stay awake as one of the men took the black briefcase lying on the ground. Another man behind him roughly shoved him forwards, forcing Youngjae’s tired legs to take agonizing steps one after another. Soon, he thought with the smile still lingering on his lips, enforcement would have tracked the bug stuck to Yongguk’s clothes as well as him with it. 

It would be a win-win situation, minus the injuries and broken bones he’d received. 

The man shoving him suddenly stopped, his footsteps echoing loudly in the abandoned train station as he stepped back. Youngjae frowned, smile slipping off of his lips as he saw the surprised expression coating Yongguk’s face along with the rest of the members until he heard it. He froze, eyes widening when realization upon the sound hit him. 

The distinct sound of a gun’s safety triggers being pulled back.

He wasn’t sure how he heard it; the noise was barely audible if compared to his heart beating frantically. It was threatening to burst out of his ribcage as he stood there, unable to move an inch while dread washed over him. 

"Youngjae!" Yongguk screamed in desperation.

He closed his eyes and waited, awaited the pain that would shoot through his back and Death’s hand claiming him. Youngjae was trained for this, knew about the consequences this particular mission would bring. The swat team could handle this without him. But instead of feeling any searing pain nothing came but quiet stillness.

"No…" It was Yongguk’s voice again, except this time it came out choked and pained. “No, Junhong!"

The cry of utter anguish made Youngjae snap open his eyes and jerk his head around to face the form lying in front of him. The man who had shoved him limply held the fired gun in his hand as he stared in shock at the boy, at Zelo’s unmoving body. 

Everything got unbearably slow. The blood slowly pooling out of and around the young boy’s chest area, the beating of Youngjae’s heart before time seemed to speed up way too quickly. It was as if a vacuum had his sanity into its dark abyss for an eternity and then coughed him out like a disease, since his mind at the present moment felt anything but sane. Zelo, wasn’t moving, wasn’t showing signs of living, because he had protected him.

“Hey, Zelo…” Youngjae whispered quietly, bending down to gently shake his shoulder. “I told you, I’m the one who jokes around with people.”

No reaction came, was he even expecting one? Youngjae was about to ruffle his hair, shake his shoulder, call out his name, do something to stir anything out of the young boy lying lifeless on the ground. As his blood stained Youngjae’s hands and soaked his clothes, he was about to do all of those options when he suddenly felt the cold all too familiar shape of a barrel pressing against his forehead. He looked up to see the leader of the gang smiling at him, beady eyes shining behind his glasses as he assessed the situation.

“You should thank him,” he snickered while gesturing with his free hand towards Zelo’s body. “One dead and now only four left to say goodbye to.”

The words passed through him like a lightning strike. Youngjae’s vision went red as he glared at the man towering over him, not caring about the life-threatening situation he was in but instead focusing on keeping his breathing even as his fingers clenched and unclenched.

“Take that back,” he growled. “You take that back right this instant.”

A smile plastered itself across his lips, marring his fat face into a sneer.  “What? He’s dead, kid.”

As if to further prove it, the man planted a firm kick against Zelo’s chest, sending him rolling over. That was when Youngjae saw his face, saw the dried blood trickling from his lips and the void of life in his eyes that were too dark. Zelo was rapidly losing color to his face, whiteness taking over with each passing second. It was nerve-wracking, watching him lie there without the familiar goofy smile lighting up his face or his eyes glittering with intrigue whenever Youngjae talked about anything.

It was nerve-wracking knowing the impossible had become possible.

Youngjae heard the click of the gun, knew what was going to happen, but he didn’t care. He heard how Yongguk roared at the gang, heard how more guns were drawn and that the silent train station would become a bloody battlefield. He was going to be trapped in between the fight, but there was no way he was leaving Zelo behind. This was his fault, his mess that he had to clean up. If he was going to hell, he’d make sure the boy in front of him would first go to heaven.

Suddenly, the deafening noise of boots hitting concrete bounced off of the walls. Within seconds, a massive swat team emerged from the stairs. They surrounded the two gangs before another team appeared on the other side, cutting off any means of escape. One of the men stepped out of the group, walking towards Youngjae who stood in a dazed mood, trying to assess the situation with his muddled mind. In the end, everything went back to Zelo.

“I recommend you to not raise arms against us.” The man said and Youngjae recognized him under all the protective clothes; it was soldier and leader Kwon. “Good job, private Yoo, perfectly executed as usual.”

Kwon, who had signed him up for this mission, Kwon who had made him join the newest and most dangerous gang in the hopes of sniffing them out. If it weren’t for him, he wouldn’t have made all these unnecessary friends, if it wasn’t for him, Zelo wouldn’t be dead and still alive. The thoughts flashed before him, drove out all sounds and caused the red burst of anger return in full blast.

“Private, here is your badge.”

Youngjae turned around to face the soldier and saw the tiny silver badge he held out for him in his hand. The mere sight of it caused a cloud of red to lay itself over Youngjae’s sight as he tried to keep calm, tried not to do something stupid like shoot the man. Although every fiber in his body screamed at him to do so, he couldn’t.

But there was one thing he could do, for Zelo and for the gang.

“Let them go.”

His voice didn’t sound like his at all, completely emotionless and dead. He stared with glazed eyes at Kwon whose expression looked like surprise, there wasn’t much Youngjae could see with the black mask covering the soldier’s mouth and nose. He stared at him, as if daring him to question his motives. Youngjae was worn out; he was tired yet dead inside.

He had killed Zelo; he was the reason for the boy’s death.

“Hey hyung, I think I like you.”

Youngjae shook his head, ridding the memory from his mind. He tried to block it, block out that casual statement and the face that had accompanied that voice. Junhong’s confession still rang clear though, echoing in his thoughts as the scene replayed in a loop. How he had looked, a small smile on his face, confidence b over the edge as he had casually stated that sentence as if they were discussing the weather. How his eyes shone with joy, how happy he had been by just getting those words out of his mouth. It was too endearing, too sweet and too precious, Youngjae didn’t know how someone like Zelo, so young and innocent, could be in such a dark business.

But he wasn’t, not anymore.

“They will return the money,” Youngjae said firmly as his mind cleared, vision stopped going hazy from unwanted tears. He pointed to the briefcase lying next to the man who had shot Zelo. “And they won’t bother any of us for a long time; I’ll force them to go undercover.”

“Private, have you lost your mind?” Kwon whispered, trying to block Youngjae’s proposal from his men. “They are the reason you got into this mess, they are our targets from the very first beginning-“

“If you don’t let them go, I won’t hesitate to turn this badge in.”

Youngjae didn’t know how he had suddenly turned so bold; he grabbed the silver badge Kwon had in his hand and held it up for the other man to see, eyes narrowing. What he said was the truth, it was up to Kwon to decide whether they wanted to lose the best man on the force or not.

“The higher ups won’t let this slip so easily,” the soldier spoke, although it came out in a forced manner. “Do you honestly believe they’ll just let these people go?”

“If you let them go, I’ll devote my entire time to tracking that gang down.” Youngjae stated, glancing back at the ones he had come to call friends. “These people are young, they may have potential but if they’re forced to go underground, then they won’t bother anyone.”

Kwon’s eyes widened, staring at Youngjae as if he’d gone insane and Youngjae himself was agreeing with him, he felt his sanity slowly slipping away from his grasp. “Are you serious? You of all people know how dangerous that damned gang is, they’re not even worthy of being called a gang, pirates that’s what they are and-“

“Dangerous or not, I promise I’ll take them down.”

It was final, either they would agree or not. Kwon hesitated, eyes flashing with something akin to disappointment before he begrudgingly gave in. Nodding, he held up his hand and gestured for the swat team to arrest the other gang. They all shared looks of confusion but nevertheless followed their leader; soon the only one left in the train station was Youngjae and them.

Yongguk passed him, didn’t look him in the eyes and instead kneeled next to Zelo’s now cold form. He brushed a couple stray strands away from the young boy’s face before he took off the coat he was wearing, gently placing it over the boy. As he stood up, it looked like Zelo was sleeping, not gone from this world. Youngjae felt the tears he had held back threatening to escape but he remained indifferent. Yongguk turned to look at him, their eyes locking in a silent battle; none of the other members did anything apart from glancing back and forth at them. Himchan was glaring daggers at Youngjae, tears silently running down his cheeks as he let out short breaths. Daehyun gently hugged Jongup who was more vocal about his pain, sobbing into the older boy’s jacket.

Yongguk was the first to break their intense gaze, his eyes turning to the floor as he spoke in a detached voice.

“Leave.”

It was all Youngjae needed, he took one last glance at his former friends before he turned around and began walking away. He stopped short though as Himchan’s broken voice screamed at him.

“He loved you, you know! He was willing to do anything for you, and you betrayed him!”

The tears finally came, along with the despair and sorrow flooding through his every vein. Youngjae in a lungful of air, releasing it and continuing to walk as he ignored Himchan’s onslaught of profanity. He knew, he had in a way always known.

“Hey hyung, I think I like you.”

“Don’t joke around, Junhong-ah, I dislike jokes.”

“But I’m serious, I really do like you.”

“I’m a person who doesn’t deserve being liked.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll prove it to you one day.”

Youngjae glanced back at the crumbled scene of the family he had destroyed. His mind running on overdrive as words he was never able to speak up about flashed by, over and over.

You didn’t have to, Junhong-ah, you already did.