The end is nearing.

Hello, my name is Sandara Park. I’ve been diagnosed with cancer since three months ago. They said it would take three months for the cancer to kill me since I figured out so late. I spent my three months with my beloved ex- boyfriend hating me. I have no regret—maybe one or two. I knew what I had to do. So I will explain my plan through this letter.

                On November 30th I was living happily with Ji Yong. Yes, that’s correct, G- dragon. I was also at the peak of my career in my idol group 2ne1. I was living life happily.

“Dara,” Ji Yong whispered into my ear. I was sitting on his lap and we were watching a movie at his place. He lived in an overly large apartment. “I think you should move in with me. The other members  of 2ne1 wouldn’t mind because they would have more space.”

My heart fluttered. “Ne, ne.” I said while I hugged him.  He leaned over and kissed me. When his lips touched mine I felt sparks. He deepened the kiss and stuck his tongue into my mouth.  He explored me.

We sat kissing for a while when my phone rang. “Dara, leave it.” I shook him off.

“You know I can’t do that. What if it’s one of the members in dire need of help.” I stuck my tongue out at him. It was a call from my doctor. Strange.

I recalled him back, “Yobseyo?”

He sounded urgent, “Sandara, I need you to come here quickly.” I couldn’t pick up the strain on his voice.

“Arasso. I’ll leave now.” I snapped my phone shut. “Ji, I need to go see my doctor. I’ll just go back to my apartment after.” He nodded and I bent over and gave him a good- bye kiss. I should’ve cherished that carefree kiss.

I drove to the hospital quickly and ran up to my doctor. “Annyonghaseyo!” I tapped his shoulder.

He turned around, “Okay good. Dara? Did anyone in your family happen to have cancer?” That was random…

“Ne, Wae? My mother was diagnosed while I was a trainee. She died the same month.” I whispered the last part. Just being a trainee is hard stuff. But when your mother is diagnosed with cancer while you’re a trainee is hard. She died the same month she was diagnosed. The same month I debuted.

“Hmm, okay. I need to take a blood sample. It seems that cancer is genetic.” He said. I nodded and we went into a room. He pulled out a needle. I shuttered at the sight of it. I absolutely fear needles. They are just pure evil.

“Okay, Dara. Come back tomorrow and make sure you come!” He said in his urgent voice again. What was he worried about? I was perfectly healthy and as you can see living up my dream!

“NE! I said while walking out.” I went home to find all the 2ne1 members out. Instead I found an extremely handsome Ji Yong on my couch.

“Hey babe. I’m with you tonight.” He smirked. I walked over to him and stared down at him. He was sitting on my couch with no shirt on.. GAWD!!

He yanked on my wrist which sent me pounding down onto him. He cupped his hand on my cheek and put his other hand under my chin. He pulled me into a deep kiss. We sat there in a high that can’t be explained. He carried into my room and we connected. We truly became lovers.

I woke up with something warm on my back. I blinked a couple of times to see a Ji under me. I was laying on his chest with my arm wrapped around his body. He had one hand on my back and another my hair. I looked up and immediately regretted it.

He was fully awake and was watching me. “hehe, ahjumma. Look here.”

“Yah! If I’m an ahjumma than you’re an ahjusshi!” I said burring my face into his chest. He chuckled and I could feel the vibrations of his body. I looked over and saw the clock! Holy cow! It was already 2:00 pm!

I shot out of bed surprising him. I ran into the bathroom and fixed myself up. As I ran out he s his arms around my waist and held me there. “Ahjumma why are you in such a rush?”

I swatted at his arms, “Let go! I need to go to my doctors! I was supposed to go early!” He let go and gave me a funny look.

I didn’t have time to mess with him as I ran around collecting things and throwing clothes on. “Ji! Can you clean the mess we made? I’ll treat you to BBQ tonight!” I said as I ran towards the door.

I slipped on a pair of sneaker and I heard him yell “ARASSO AHJUMMA!” I ran out and headed straight to the hospital.

As I stepped out of my car I saw flaked of snow everywhere. “The first day of December and there is already so much snow.” I said aloud to myself. I loved snow. It was so calming in so many ways. I smiled at myself and ran inside.

“Dara! Where have you been! I tried calling you a million times! I have some news.” He started yelling, but ended up softening his voice almost to a whisper. He led me into a room.

“Ne?” I asked curiously. I was sitting on the edge of a hospital bed and he put his hand out and grabbed mine.

“Oh Sandara, I don’t even know how to tell you this. I’ve been taking care of you so long.” I got concerned. What was he talking about? What was wrong with me? Questions went running through my head. I was freaking out!

“Doctor-nim, w-what are y-you—“ I couldn’t finish my sentence.

“Dara, you have cancer. Sever cancer.” He said looking straight into my eyes. I yanked my hand away from his and covered my mouth. A tear welt up in his eye and he looked up at the ceiling.

What the heck? This wasn’t happening! She still ad soo much more to do! “Um, are you certain?” I was shocked at the solidness in my voice.

He took in a long weary breathe, “Yes. Dara I was so stressed yesterday because when you came for a check- up last month, your cell count in your blood was a little low. I needed to know if you had any history with cancer. I’m so sorry Dara.” He shut his eyes.

I gaped at him. Tears building in my eyes spilled over. I couldn’t believe it. “Doctor—do you know how much—how much longer I have to.. to.. live?” I had trouble uttering the sentence. Seeing people on television do it seemed so unreal. But now I knew. I knew what pain they were supposed to feel.

“3” I stared at him. “Three months Dara.  You have three months to live. One of those months you’ll probably be so sick you’d be hospitalize. If I was you, I would finish any unfinished business and do what is needed.” He sighed and turned his head back at me.

“Um, I have one last favor. I mean like real favor,” I braced myself. I already envisioned my plan, “Can you not tell anyone about this?”

“Bom, Cl, Minzy, I need to talk to you.” I said as I sat down at our dining table. I gestured for them to come over. My entire life view was different now. I saw the confused looks on all their faces, but I could only feel solemn.

“What is it Dara?” I heard Bom ask.

“You, guys, I love you so I am going to say this straight out.” I started. Tear already building in my eyes. I hung my head so they couldn’t see my face.

“Dara, It’s fine take your time.” Minzy said. I felt CL come around and start rubbing my back. It was silent for a while as I stifled my sobs.

“I have three months.” I felt everyone shift in confusion, “ I have cancer and only have three months to live.” I heard everyone gasp.

I looked up and every single girl was crying. They were staring at me with pain. “Dara..”They whispered. I welled up and started weeping.

“You can’t tell anyone… Especially Ji Yong.” I said over sniffs. “No one needs to know, no matter what. I request you guys this. My last request is to not tell anyone.”

The first month went by two quickly. Everyone lived out their lives the same. 2ne1 all noticed her getting weaker, skinnier, paler. Big Bang noticed too. She told them the day after she told her 2ne1 sisters. They ahd almost the same reactions.

They all promised to keep quiet though. At the end of December, my plan was about to commence. I met Ji at the chirstmas festival. The 31^st was the exact day. I remember everything clearly.

I wore a sweater while he wore a huge jacket. We met by the chirstmas tree and we sat down. “Ahjumma. I love you.” Ji kept telling me as we snuggled under the tree’s light.

I pushed him away. He fell on the floor. I had been deliberately dropping hints off ignorance to  him. I would ignore him, space out, and leave mysteriously.

My chest tightened as I saw him on the floor. “I’ve had enough! Ji Yong sorry, but dating you was a lie!” A flash of pain and shock crossed his face. My gut wrenched as I saw him reach for me. I flinched back dramatically.

“Dara..” I cut him off.

“No! I can’t keep doing this! It was a lie! I was betting that I could date you until today with the 2ne1 members! So stop being so mushy with me and leave me alone!” I screamed at his face.

He was on his feet and his face made me want to cry. I was on the verge of breaking. I saw him, the real him. I was the only one too. He never relaxed with other people. I closed my eyes and heard him sigh.

“I sorta knew this was coming. I mean you’ve been ignoring me,” Man I was dying to reach out and hug him and say it was all a joke, “I’m sorry to hear that Sandara-ssi.” It hurt just to hear him go formal on me.

I heard him turn and start crunching back through the snow. I let myself go and watched him leave. A tear streamed down my face and I wiped it quickly, because he turned around one last time. I saved myself by acting like I was flipping him off.

He flinched back at my gesture and turned back around. His shoulders were limp as ahe trudged out of my life.

Once he was out of view I literally broke down. I was getting really cold and I felt all my body heat escape me. My parents ( Dad and STEP- mother) happened to be taking brother out that night. He was waiting out of a store for my parents when he saw me.

It must’ve been half an hour since Ji left and Cheung deung was running over to me. “Noona! Wae?!” He was alarmed. “You’re sick you shouldn’t be out here. You’re freezing we need to take you to the hospital.” He said covering me with his jacket. He combed my hair from the wet snow and I saw that he took a whole clump with him.

“She has probably less than two months left. She needs to go out and live. I suggest she makes a bucket list.” My step- mom was comforting Thunder while my dad was talking to the doctor.

“Okay, I understand.” He came back into my hospital room. I was a piece of sh!t. I looked horrendous. “We are going home so relax. Next month we’ll take you out and we’ll do whatever you want, arasso? Now be good and rest. We want as much time with you as possible.” I tensed at the last part. I nodded and everyone came in and kissed me farewell.

“DARA!” I heard Bom running in. Her hand was in TOP’s and she let go the second she saw me. She whispered, “Dara, no. Look at you.”

She walked up to me and grabbed my hand, “I already called manager and told him to stop promotions. The other members are on their way.” She looked pale. Like a ghost. TOP was behind her her hair. This was new. I didn’t know they started dating.

“Bom.” I said with my eyes closed, “I started my plan. I did it. I set Ji free.”

She gasped and TOP stopped breathing all together. “No, dara wae?” I heard her say.

I couldn’t even bring myself to open my eyes. I was afraid of their reactions. I knew what I had to do. If Ji Yong knew I was dying, he would surely not move on. I want him to be happy and live happy without me. He can hate me for all I care. He just needs to be happy.

The first hald of the second month went by fast. 2ne1 members would come and inform me about the outside world and then my family checked me out. I was completely bald and skinny. I looked so fragile.

“Noona, look what I bought.” I turned my wheelchair around. “Jjang!” he said with a soft voice.

He held out a wig. It looked exactly like my hair from before. It was long and curled. It looked beautiful. It has been a long time without hair. I was so happy when I got dressed up. 2ne1 and Big Bang (minus GD) accompanied me to the park.

Taeyang was pushing me. We chatted and had lunch. The whole day was fun as I watched everyone mingle. They would play sports or d goofy things. I laughed a lot. I didn’t have enough strength to do anything though.

“Dara! Look over here.” I heard Seung ri call. I turned my head towards the fountain as he did some cool backflip off the edge.

“That was AMAZ--” I stopped in the middle of my sentence. At the other side of the fountain was Ji Yong. Everyone came over to me to see what happened. They saw my gaze and Top stepped in front of me before I could see him kiss some girl. “He has moved on.”

I smiled and felt tears pouring down my cheeks. “Thanks goodness he is happy.” Everyone looked at me sympathetically. Yongbae slapped Seung ri on the back of the head.

WE started leaving when I heard a him call, “Hey! Guys! What’s up having a get together without…” Stopped as people turned, including me. I twisted my wheelchair around to face Ji. “Dara.” He whispered.

I waved and  smiled back, “Hey.” He just kept looking at my wheelchair. HE was probably confused since I wore a wig and looked healthy.

“What happened?” He asked.

I ignored him and said, “I’m glad you’ve moved on. I’m glad you’re happy.” I turned around and wheeled away. Everyone’s eyes followed me, but Bom was the first to get into the car with me.

“Dara,” She whispered. I turned to her and pulled off my wig. She inhaled quickly and saw how sick I really was. “Oh, Dara wae? Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“She’s got to spend her final days here.” Doctor-nim said. He walked over to me, “Arasso, Dara. I wish you the best.” He said with a weary face. He spent all night battling with my life. I kept dying, but he brought me back to life.

“Thank you.” I whispered and closed my eyes. I heard footsteps come through the door. “Hey guys” I opened my eyes again. It took soo much effort to d just that.

“Dara. I think we should tell GD about this.” Taeyang said.

I shook my head( more energy) “Aniyo. Tell him after I’m gone.” I said with tear in my eyes. I it up.

“Ne,” Everyone said in unison. They each came and gave me a speech and present of their own.

The doctor came running in as I spazzed on my bed. I was having convulsions and shivered from head to toe. My heart was racing and everyone was sobbing in the corner. They strapped me down. and the doctor and nurses went to get more supplies.

“Bom,” I managed to whisper. She carefully walked over to me. “It’s time. Tell him.” She nodded and went back to TOP crying.

I faded as the doctor put sedative on me so I wouldn’t spazz.

When I came too it was dark outside. I opened my eyes and looked out the window. “I love snow…” Was all I  could say. I felt someone fuss in a chair and come over to me. “Yah, Ahjusshi. Wuts up?”

I looked over at him. He was tired and pale, “Dara, why?” He asked as he caressed my face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I smiled, “I was supposed to die before you knew. Guess I love you too much.” I gave a pitiful laugh. “I want you to be free. Live on without me and be happy. Forget all about me and keep going, keep moving forward in life” I muttered and closed my eyes again. I could feel my soul getting light.

“Dara,” I heard him sniff “I love you.” I nodded and opened my eyes.

Hello, my name is Sandara Park. I’ve been diagnosed with cancer since three months ago. They said it would take three months for the cancer to kill me since I figured out so late. I spent my three months with my beloved ex- boyfriend hating me. I have no regret—maybe one or two. I regretted not saying good- bye to my first, best, and last love.

Ji Yong, Bom, Everyone, If you are reading this. I love you. I have set the truth in this letter, please don’t hate me. Be happy, move one, and Live the lives I couldn’t. Saranghae.

<3Park Sandara.  P.S. I love you guys too much. 

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SOB!!! I can't believe i wrote this! I don't usually write angst! 

THANKS FOR READING!!! PLEASE SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT!`