For One So Small
Believe Me
The whole time Taemin had been at the hospital, I hadn't left his side. It was about time for him to be heading to bed; He needed rest if he was going to get better. The nurse came in to check on him one last time for the night before turning out the light. He made room in the small bed for me to lay with him like he had been doing all week. I took most of the space, laying on my back. Taemin rested his head on my chest and snuggled close to me.
I his shaggy, brown hair and listened to him ramble about nothing. He usually did this until he fell asleep. I would just nod and agree with whatever he said, even if I wasn't really listening. I had begun to doze off when Taemin called me.
"Yes, love?" I asked sleepily.
"Is this all my fault?" He asked in a hushed tone.
"What are you talking about, Taeminnie?" I asked and sat up.
"This," he gestured to his badly bruised face and the bandages wrapped around his ribs.
"Of course not," I reassured him, his cheek with my left hand.
"Are you sure?" He asked and grabbed my right wrist, bringing my broken knuckles to attention.
I pulled my wrist out of his grasp and nodded. He hadn't broken my knuckles; I had. I felt his body trembling and knew that he had begun to cry. This was the first time since the incident that I had seen him cry. My heart broke instantly.
I tried to pull him close to me with my good hand, but he slapped it away. He covered his face with his hands and sobbed quietly. I wrapped my arm around his frail body and held him to me despite his protests.
"I let you get hurt," he cried into my chest. "I never meant for that to happen. You were never supposed to get involved."
"I'm fine, love. Just a few broken knuckles," I said reassuringly while rubbing circles on his back. "It's not a big deal."
He pulled back suddenly. "It is a big deal!" He yelled. "You had to fight for me, Key! They're going to come after you as soon as we get back on school grounds!"
"I know how to handle myself. It's not big deal," I made sure to stress the not so that maybe he could understand.
"Stop lying. You're in danger because of me." He sighed. "I can't have that,"
I knew what he was about to say and my heart stopped. I tried to protest before he could do anything, but my words caught in my throat. Instead, I did what I was best at. I burst into tears and Taemin began to panic. He spoke comforting words to me, trying to calm me down.
"It's my fault," I said. "They've been doing this to you because of me so don't you dare blame yourself!"
He shook his head, but he leaned against my chest. I went back to rubbing his back. None of this had been his fault. He had just been taking all the damage from the situation. I felt his tears soaking through my shirt and I laid back on the pillow.
At the beginning of the school year, I had taken a liking to Taemin. I hadn't focused on just one person before that; I had just enjoyed the presence of the many people who wanted to be with me. There was this one guy that I noticed may have liked me more than anyone else, though. His name was Jonghyun. I saw how unhappy it made him when Taemin and I started dating. I assumed that he would get over.
Months had passed and I was happy with my boyfriend. I made sure everyone knew he was mine. Taemin had protested me telling everyone at first for some reason, but he eventually let me show him off. I noticed that Jonghyun avoided my gaze whenever he was near me now; Taemin's behavior changed.
He had become pale and lost that sparkle in his eyes that I had fallen in love with. I was disappointed that he wasn't as playful as he was when we first started dating. I became worried that there was something wrong with me and that he would leave me. I eventually found out that he acted this way because he was constantly in pain. I suggested that he go to a doctor, but he claimed that he was fine.
He had lied to me.
I was leaving after school detention one afternoon when I heard a ruckus outside. I immediately went to investigate, me being the nosy person that I am. I saw a crowd of boys yelling and stuff. I knew there was a fight going on, so I had just watched from the sidelines even though I couldn't see the actual fight.
It wasn't until I heard my name that I went to the crowd. At the center of the commotion was Jonghyun kicking Taemin repeatedly in the ribs. Taemin just took the beating; he looked too weak to fight back. I jumped in the fight without thinking and started throwing blind punches at my lover's attacker. I don't remember when the fight was broken up, but I do remember that the three of us got suspended from school.
Taemin was rushed to the hospital. There I found out that these beatings had been going on for a while. I couldn't believe how long he had been able to hide this from me.
I shushed the crying boy on my chest and told him that everything would be okay. Even though it hurt, I grabbed his hand with my right one and gave it a squeeze. I was angry that he hadn't told me before so that I could have protected him. My anger turned to guilt knowing that he had been getting beat up because these guys were jealous of Taemin being with me.
I was amazed by him. He was so fragile, yet he had taken these beatings day after day. He didn't show how much he was really hurting while I was around. He hadn't let me see how much this actual affected him until a few minutes ago. I wondered how he had held it in for so long.
His breathing had calmed down, but he shivered. I pulled him closer and held him tighter. I kissed the top of his head and sighed. He had stayed with me this long even though all of this had happened because of me.
"I will be here. Don't you cry," I whispered soothingly.
Taemin fell asleep and that gave me time to think. Anger and hatred burned through my body. They had been hurting him. That was maybe the dumbest thing anyone could have done. Hurting the person I loved wasn't going to make me want you more.
Why didn't they just let me be happy with him? I hadn't actually been in a relationship with any of those guys. I doubt they would've been fighting each other if I had decided to date one of them. What was it about Taemin, then? Maybe it was his peculiar way of walking and talking, but I liked that. Perhaps it was the way he happily talked about nonsense for long periods of time. It was quite possibly the way he made me fall for him so quickly when they had been trying for so long. Taemin was just special.
I loved him with everything I had. That apparently wasn't enough so that I could love him more than he loved me. I didn't care though; I'd stick with him through the fights at school even it killed me. I honestly didn't think I could be as strong as Taemin, but that wouldn't stop me from being with him.
Comments