He faked a smile...waving goodbye.

He had told him...''I'll be fine. Don't worry.''  

Like he always did lately. 

The white sedan slowly vanished from his sight. He let out a small sigh...a depression that always knocked him down in the end. A feeling of lost...that never failed to come uninvited. Looking down at his shoes, he'd imagine...

''What if I take off these shoes...and ran away without looking back? Just like Cinderella.''

He chuckles to himself.

 ''Just like a dream.''. Few drops of transparent pearl rolled down his cheek.

He chuckles again.

Although nothing seems to be funny. 

'' My foolish dream...''

***

''Why can't they see?''

''See what?''

''All of it.''

''I don't understand. Who are 'they'? And what can't they see?''

''Lies...''

''What lies?''

''All of my lies. Why can't they see?''

The room turned silent for a few minutes. He paused to say the next words. He opened his mouth...but voices failed to come out. The thin ice cracked allowing water to flow down. He wiped them clean; doesn't want to give anyone the chance of seeing his weak side.

''Why don’t we continue this another time?'', the young doctor breaks the silence.

''They are easily tricked you know. They can't see the difference.''. He spoke up.

The room was silent again.

''Why is that?'', the doctor asked.

''Caused I'm such a good actor I guess.''. He laughed after praising himself in front of the psychiatrist.

***

The room felt cold. His body shivers. But he ignores it and keeps swallowing a handful amount of tiny white beads. He fainted.

Looking like a child waking up from a cat nap…he couldn’t hold his face up properly. The young lad rubbed his eye a few times, clearing his visions. A familiar face is looking at him with sympathetic eyes. He stands up weakly on his feet to greet his return.

‘’Hyung! You’re back!’’. He wrapped his hand around his hyung’s waist tightly.

‘’Yahh! Changmin-ah! What’s wrong with you? Don’t you feel cold?’’, the tall guy quickly pulled a white blanket to cover a pale body standing in front of him…!

Changmin just laughed innocently.

‘’What happen? Are you sick?’’

Changmin was told to lie down and he obeyed. He let his fingers run free on hyung’s face, playing with the cute mole on his upper left lips.

‘’Changmin-ah…what’s wrong with you? Are you…drunk?’’

Changmin chuckles to himself and said; ‘’Yunho hyung…’’

‘’Wae?’’, he answered with a soft tone.

‘’I miss you. Why didn't you come back sooner?’’

‘’You know better. Filming overseas always takes longer time than predicted.’’

‘’The other hyungs didn't come home yet either.’’

Changmin’s words hits Yunho back to reality.

 He gives a weird response to it. The lines on his forehead shows.

‘’ Let’s call them and…and ask Jaejoong hyung to cook so we can eat dinner together tonight.’’, Changmin said with innocent eyes.

Quickly, he grabbed a white rectangular metal that was lying on the desk beside his bed. Suddenly, a warm hand grabs his wrist.

‘’Changmin-ah. What did you just said?’’, Yunho asked for a conformation; making sure he heard the right words.

‘’Let go!’’. He loosens the grip. ‘’I said I want them to come home tonight so we can have dinner together.’’

Changmin dialed the numbers and was just about to hear the first rang. But the same warm hand grabs the phone from him and throws it against the floor. The white rectangle metal was scattered on the marble, lying helplessly…like it did earlier.

‘’Hyung!’’, Changmin let out a small cry.

Yunho couldn't take it anymore. He failed to swallow it in this time. He’s not as strong as he seems sometimes.

Dragging his long fingers closer to the white painted skin; he touched it and cried. The face of a 24 year old that looks sadder than any damsel in distress. How he’d failed to notice this heart breaking song written all over this face?

He hugs the shivering body in front of him. Lending the warmth he owns. And cry…

***

‘’You can’t do that! It’s against the contract.’’, Yunho burst in anger.

‘’You heard what the doctor said. He can’t be help anymore. We can’t work with a dying person!’’. The man in the grey suit went closer to him, and said…’’He chose his own fate. There’s nothing else we could do.’’

‘’No…no…’’, Yunho shake his head in disbelief. His knees felt too weak to stand. His head is spinning like a wheel ,all caused from a single shock.

Knocks on the door indicates someone is waiting to come in from the other side. A squealing sound produced as a young man twist the door knob.

Yunho almost fainted when he saw the tall figure they were just discussing standing at the door.

‘’Ouh, Changmin-shii? You’re here already. Please take a seat. There’s something I need to tell you.’’, that guy said.

Changmin walks in without a word and obey the offer. He sat down besides Yunho.

‘’I didn’t know you were here too. We could’ve come together earlier. Why didn't you tell me?’’,He whispers to his hyung.

Yunho didn't reply. He stays quiet and unmoved. His eyes were roaming around everywhere trying to search for a solution.

‘’ I’ve told this to Yunho-shii before you come. Actually the company agrees that….’’, the grey-suit guy speaks up.

‘’Don’t!’’, Yunho cuts his words in the middle. ‘’Please…’’, he begged with teary eyes.

‘’I don’t understand what do you mean Director.’’, Changmin ask in confuse state. ‘’Hyung…?’’

He looked at his hyung, begging for explanation.

‘’Well I’m sorry to say this Changmin-shii but…’’

‘’I told you not to say it didn’t I!’’, Yunho burst in anger again. He stood up from the seat with flames of anger burns in those teary eyes of his. ‘’You don’t have to listen to this crap Changmin-ah. Get out. I want to have a word with the director.’’

‘’Hyung?’’

‘’Get out…now!’’

Changmin couldn’t understand his hyung. But he follows the orders like always.  Just another two steps and he will complete the orders but then…

‘’We’re eliminating you from the contract. No more singles, albums or concert. No more DBSK. ‘’

Upon hearing these words Changmin’s step was becoming heavy. Like a chain was attached to his feet. His body froze, his mouth were shut and locked. And at the same time, he was trying to digest the words he just heard in his mind. But couldn’t…he was defeated once more by the same feeling that always conquer the pure soul of his.

‘’Changmin-ah…’’, he heard his hyung’s voice cracked calling his name like a little boy who just fell down a bike.

Changmin’s tears started to fall heavily… ‘’No more Dong Bang Shin Ki? Eliminate me?’’

His mind is flashing back the words he just heard.

The frustration, anger, and depression clogged up in his heart.

His feet started to draw its pace when he felt a hand resting on his shoulder.

‘’Changmin-ah…’’, the voice behind him said.

He ran as fast as he can, finding his way out of the cursed building. The building of not creating and completing one’s dream like it use to be once but the very same building that breaks and crushed hope! He felt it even more, even deeper than the first time the five of them walks out of that cursed building. The silent killer slowly came uninvited…stabbing his heart cruelly without a single drops of mercy.

***

The worried hyung followed his maknae’s step from behind. But he was only five steps late which caused Changmin manage to slip away from his sight. He scanned everything around him, searching for the boy’s shadow that’s no where to be found.

‘’Changmin-ah…please pick up. Please…’’ ,he mumbled while waiting an answer from the other side. But….

‘’The number you have dialed is not available right now. Your message will be recorded…..’’

 

He quickly thinks of any possible place Changmin would be. Suddenly, he was reminded of something. His heart beats faster than normal. The worries continue as he was getting closer to their house.

 

***

 

His heart worries for his love ones. He twists the door knob and enters. He ran up the stairs and walk to the first door on the left. The door wasn't properly closed. He pushed them just enough for him to enter. There, he saw a painful picture of his love one.

 

The room was in a mess, like a robbery just happened. Then, his eyes were focus on a sad, pale-white figure lying on the floor. The body seems helpless and too painful to even look at. Tiny white beads scattered on the floor along with its master.

 

Yunho went closer and finally, fall on his knees. He embraced the cold body in his hand. The cold body was barely breathing. He pulls them closer to his chest, holding the boy’s head like a baby.

 

‘’Changmin-ahh!’’, he cried in tears,

 

***

 

‘’Hyung?’’, the pale face said like a whisper.

 

‘’Shhh. Get some more rest. You need to get well soon.’’

 

‘’Where are we. What happened?’’

 

‘’Hospital. You’re just tired that’s all.’’

 

‘’Where are the others?         

 

‘’What do you mean?’’

 

‘’Yoochun. Jaejoong. Junsu hyung?’’

 

Yunho let out a heavy sigh. He grasps Changmin’s hand tighter and said…

 

‘’They will be here when you wake up. So, get some rest now.’’

He lied to make his dongsaeng feel better. 

 

As soon as Changmin drift in his sleep, he walks away; headed to the window. He looked at the sky with an empty face. The rain falling outside resembles the rainy blue inside his heart.

###