I look down on the field. The field where I and my lover used to go every day. How she was doing? Has she eaten yet? Did she meet new people? How it is like there? The question I wanted to ask so much. The memories we had, I could never forget. Is she thinking about me right now?

‘Eunzi, how are you? Are you enjoying it there? I hope you’re thinking about me as I am thinking about you. Do you remember the wonderful memories we had? Do you remember how we met? You helped me. I was homeless. Strangers treated me like a trash and an animal. They ignored me and gave me dirty looks. But you smiled at me. You were the first person to smile at me like that. I was on the floor looking up at you smile. It made my heart flutter. You bent down and you asked me my name but I didn’t reply because I didn’t have one. You took me to your apartment and let me clean myself up. You gave me food and new clothes to change into. Bang Yongguk was the name that was given to me by you. I felt happy. I kept repeating the name every day.

Time passed, you and I got close. You entered me into the same college you went. You introduced me to your friends. They also treated me nicely. You found me a job. I felt like this was a dream. I was left in the orphanage when I was 5 years old. When I was 10, I ran away and live in the streets while looking for my parents. I live in the streets for 8 years thinking my parents would come and look for me but instead you came. I thought I would always eat from a metal tray or starve myself. You changed my life. I was able to eat proper food. The foods I wanted to eat since I was left in the orphanage. I was treated like a human. I thanked you every day. You brought me a phone which was exactly like yours. You gave me your number which made me even happier.

Do you remember when I first confessed you? I was so nervous and shy. It was raining outside and it was late. You were at home worrying about me. I was at the front door with 99 roses. I knocked on the door waiting for you to open the door. You opened the door ready to shout, you froze when you saw me kneeled down holding roses. “Eunzi… umm… I lik- no I love you. I loved you since I first saw you. Will…will you be my forever?” It was my confession for the first time. I stood up and handed you the roses. You looked shocked the suddenly you hugged me. You accepted my confession. I still clearly remember the scene. After that we were an official couple. We promised never to fight but we always did. At the end, you always ended up in my arms.

You introduced me to your parents. You had told them my family background. I was nervous. I thought they wouldn’t accept me because of my family background but they accepted me to be your boyfriend. They were so nice. Your mum told me to call her ‘mum’. She told me that she wanted me to be her son-in-law. I was very thankful.

The first Christmas we celebrated together as a couple, do you remember that? We promised we would not buy anything for each other. But when have ever kept our promise? You gave me a handmade bracelet, which was made by you. It was an angel with doves. It must have been hard carving our names at the back of the necklace. I gave you a necklace. It wasn’t handmade but you still accepted. It had an angel wings. Our gifts were similar.

It had been 3 years we’ve dated. You went to live with your parents for a while. After you went, you didn’t reply my calls and texts. It had been 3 weeks. I was worried. Did something happen to you? Are you tried of me? I went to your parent house. They looked so tried. I asked what was wrong. Your mother asked me, “You don’t know what happened to Eunzi?” I was confused. Then I found out you were hospitalized and you didn’t have many time to live. Your heart was weak. You would only live if you had a heart transplant. Why didn’t you tell me? I ran to the hospital. I entered your room without knocking. I stared at you with my teary eyes. You looked ill. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“Sorry… I wanted to die peacefully. I didn’t want you to get hurt.” You replied weakly.

“I’m more hurt now.”

“Sorry.”

“If you had told me, I would have treated you better.” I held your hand as I kneeled.

“I don’t have much time left to live anyway.”

“Don’t say that. I will always be by your side.”

Day passed, the day after that passed, and another day passed after that. A month passed. However you were still alive but you were still in the hospital. I overheard you and your mother talk. You were both crying. “Mom, go try giving God more money. Why is He like this? Go give Him some more money and try praying little more. Am I dying or not? Stick to one thing. Stop saying thing back and forth. Mom…I want to go home.”

Days passed by, good news came. Heart was going to be donated to you. When I told you that, you were crying happily. The operation was in 2 days. I was happy that you could live. I brought you a ring. It was a couple rings. I told you never to take it off and I will always love you.

The day of the operation. I was nervous, you were nervous. I kissed you and said, 'I love you'. You were taken to the operating room. It was a success. I was glad you could live more comfortably. You opened your eyes and scanned the room. I wasn’t there, right? You asked you parents where I was. They cried, didn’t they? Sorry, I lied. I told the doctors to put you to sleep first then they could come and get me. You have done so much for me. So I repaid you by giving my life to you. I don’t regret it. I’m happy if you enjoy the life I gave you. Don’t forget I will always be with you. My heart is inside your body. I’ll be always looking over you. Don’t ever take the ring off. We haven’t broken up yet. Let’s meet in our after-life. I’ll be waiting.

I love you…’

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