It’s a cold autumn morning when I watch my girlfriend doing our bed. Hydee is wonderful woman I ever met. I loved her for so long.. let’s say. 10 years? I met her when we were 16.. and now we are living together for three years.. Our relationship is almost perfect. She never nagged at me. Trusted me wholeheartedly as we crazily in love with each other

We had this huge fight last three months ago when all of her friends are now having their baby and she can’t because I still don’t want to.. I am afraid of responsibility and I am afraid that her attention will be on the kids not me.. My selfishness and imperfection is embraced by her and nurtured me with her love..

We were happy before, but since she asked for a child.. we been on rocky road.. my love for her just died.. without any reasons.. I don’t have other woman or seeing other woman. It’s just that the love is now dying inside me. And my fears of making her suffer in my arms creeps me. My heart squeezes itself as I watch her wiping my computer monitor..

The flame just died and I am now standing here at the door trying to find words to say good bye..

“Baby.. I think we need to buy new bed..” she innocently told me while she smiled.. her sweet smiled that I used to love

“Hey.. what’s wrong? You look like so gloomy today..”  she sweetly wrapped her hand around me. And my tears starts to fall..

“Why are you crying?”  She ask me and she gently pushed me on bed as she straddled on my lap.. kissing me and wanting me..

“I-I can’t..” The only word I said and she stop her sweet kisses.

“Kyuhyun.. what’s wrong?” Hydee ask me and I hold her closer to me.. I am afraid that she will hate me after this.. I need to let her go.. and find another man to love her and care for her

“Listen, Hydee.”  I lifted her and I looked at her confused eyes..

“I don’t want you to stay with me anymore..” I took the courage to say good bye… tears starts falling in her beautiful eyes..

“I’ve been having a hard time letting you go.. but I have to..”  I said and I wiped her tear off her cheeks as gentle sobs of pain starting to came out from her trembling lips..

“This is the reason why you acted so cold this past few days?”  She try not to cry.. she wiped her tears and I nod

“Is there any other woman now?”  She ask me and I shook my head

“No.. there’s no one involve in here.. It’s just we are too perfect to each other.. we are too compatible… we rarely argue.. We argued once but it’s lethal.. And I can’t make you happy..”  I said and she cupped my face..

“You do.. You make me happy..”  She said and she kiss my lips..

“You make me the happiest woman ever lived..” She whispered wiping off my tears

“Come on.. I am willing to live with you even you don’t want to have kids!”  She smiled and I look away from her..

“I’m not happy anymore..”  I said and she falls on her knees..

“I guess so..” She whispered cupping her chest..

“I loved you..”  I said and she bitterly look at me.

“Past tense.. From there I take it that the reason is that you fell out of love” She said and I try to help her stand and she raised he hand to stop me..

“Please don’t.. I can do this alone..” she said and she weakly stood up and walks away..

“I am sorry.. “  I followed her on the bathroom where she spend three hours crying on the bathroom floor..

“It’s okay.. just let me stay for a week.. please? I don’t know where to go..”  She pleaded and I nod.. and I hugged her but why she never cried in front of me? Maybe she is feeling the same way too..

“This is it.. we are falling apart..”  She said as she laugh like a mad woman in my chest.. I carried her in my arms and kissed her fore head..

“Do you believe me that there’s no one else?” I asked her and she smiled,

“Yes.. I believe in you.. put me down now.. I will be staying on the other room..”  she said and I put her down..

I can’t sleep as guilt starting to haunt me.. She left everything for me, especially being an heiress of a multinational and multi billion company.. Her parents hate her after she ran away with me when we were 23… We shared crazy love.. amazing .. travels and many things a normal couple do except for marriage..

We still spend a week together. She sleeps on the other room.. Go to work before I go to mine.. and coming home before I do. Maybe she is trying to avoid me… She is too kind.. she is too understanding.. and it kills me.. She is emotionally striking me..

“Hey! Have you eaten you dinner?” Hydee ask me when she saw me and I stopped I look at her and she brightly smiled like nothing happened

"Come let's eat together!" She happily said and I am anxious of her sudden change of mood.. she is exceptionally happy.. 

"No.. Thanks.." I said and I enter my room and saw that the closet is emptied.. I sighed.. she must moved her things on the other room.. we have only two days left.. 

I hear the TV on the living room as she laugh on the comedian's antics.. Hydee wiped her tears as she laugh hard.. and I just watch her from a far.. how can this love I had for her died.. 

"Oh.. Am I too loud? I'm sorry I just missed watching this.. It's been very long time.." she shook her head.. I remembered how she was fascinated with those simple things but because she chose to live with me, she gave up everything.. 

Her phone rings.. 

"You are here? Thanks Aki..wait for me.. I'll be there in 30 minutes.."  She said and she sighed I want to hold her.. to say sorry.. but damage has been done.. we are falling apart.. 

She stood up and turned the TV off.. she bypassed me as she enter the room beside mine.. I followed her and my heart breaks as i saw her things as neatly packed.. 

"Are you leaving?"  I asked her and she smiled.. 

"yes.. I find a new place to stay and I have to move in now.." She answered me and I immediately hug her from the back..

"I am sorry.. I am sorry.. I will understand if you are going to hate me.. Hurt me.. hit me in my face.. slap me.. I deserve it.. please.. I can't take your kindness it's killing me.." i cried and she took my hand away from her.. She faced me and wiped the tears on my cheek.. 

"As much as I want to hate you.. but I love you too much to do that.. I am leaving and I know this is the best.. Don't worry about me.. I'll try to move on.." She whispered and send me a thousand deaths.. 

"I'll find some one will love me Kyu.. a love that doesn't die.. or go cold.." She smiled .. the most painful smile i ever seen in my existence.. 

"I'm leaving.. I love you.. always.." she said and she kissed my lips.. and she fades away from me.. 

1 year.. 

It's been a year since Hydee and I broke up.. I always smile like a fool as I reminisce our sweet moments together.. Her joyous laugh.. her beautiful face.. everything about her. I suddenly felt the regret of letting her go away from me.. I still love her.. my heart still aching for her.. She never shown herself to me after a year and I wonder if she finally met someone.. 

I was having a break from grueling work.. I went to a nearby park.. 

I saw Hydee.. and my heart stops.. she is rushing towards the other side of the road.. with her big smile... I run towards her..

"Hydee!" i called her and she gapes upon seeing me..

"Kyuhyun! You are here?" She ask me and I nod..

"Oh.. How are you?" she asked me and I smile.. I hugged her and suddenly someone called her..

"Dee!" a man in his late 20's with a baby girl crying  in his arms.. 

"Oh..I'm sorry baby.. mommy's late.. " she took the baby from the guy.. and I walked away..