“why don’t you tell me before?” i asked.

He manage to shut his mouth. His blank eyes are looking at that glass, then slowly climbing up to me.

“it’s not the perfect time” he sighed.

“it’s not the perfect time?!!” i raised my volume and ignore everyone in this cafe that was looking at us.

“calm down, ryunji, calm down” seunghyun tried to make himself an unpretentious figure. But now, the guy whom is sitting charismatically in front of me don’t worth it any more, even when that branded tie which i gave him is still hanging on his collar. His eyes is not looking at me any more, he bow his head back. in fact, it seems like he’s not able to continue this conversation, so I had to take the initiative.

“so when is the perfect time?” i said with a trembling voice, i can’t give my tears up right now.

He stays still. But slowly he lift his face whose I admit is gorgeous, though it looked tired and pale.

“i thought that you already knew from the beginning” he said, cold heartedly.

“what?!!!” i screamed, and found myself standing after i banged the table. “i guess that you don’t know me at all! After all these 3 years we’ve been together?!! I’m not that kind of woman that would want to be saved by a jerk like you!” i held my breath to keep these tears in. “especially when I know that you're married! Keep my words well in your brain, you IDIOT!!!”

My mind and my brain work perfectly. Who said that a girl can only love without a logic? I decided to end everything right now, even if it’s hurt to let him go. Yes, i need to end this. Then i will say so.

“good afternoon! We are done” I walk away, leaving him with his somber face. I rush out of the cafe, running away. but then there’s still a tiny hope that seunghyun will come after me like how he used to do when we fight. But that tiny hope is gone, he has been lowering his head down all the time. I stop running and erase my tears. I walk through a small park near my house to heal my heart a bit.

The sun goes down. I am still here sitting on the bench, alone. Hours past and i’m still here. Waiting for nothing. I took my phone, 217 missed calls, 96 new unread messages. I ignore them and unsilent my phone. It’s already 11pm. I have to close my eyes with both hands, in order to prevent the tears so it don’t come out more rapidly. Perhaps, the deepest pain a man will ever felt is when they can’t love a person they loved unconditionally.

saranghanda mianhada geurae deoneun andwaegesseo...

my phone rings, it’s written chansungie♥♥ on it. Ugh, i let a short breathe out looking at the name written on my screen. I decided to not answer that call, but if he calls me for the fifth time i’ll answer that call. If he really does that, it means that he has something important to say to me right?

Finally, the fifth incoming call, seems like he really want to talk to me. I hold my phone, looking straight at it. I let my breath out. Seconds before it become a missed call, i press the green button. My ears are ready if he’s gonna yell at me like the usual when i didn’t answer his calls.

“huh...” he sighed. Well, that was different. “ryunji-ah....” he calls my name... even only hearing his y deep voice, i feel this sense of abysmally, then i realize that my tears are rolling down again. I put my other hand in my mouth in order to keep it shut.

“do you know how much i worry about you? this is childish, ryunji-ah.... i called you for hundred times and you picked it up just now. Where have you been? It’s late already and i’ve been waiting for you in front of your house for hours” he spoke like he don’t have any energy left.

Did he just say that... he must be really crazy. You shut your mouth deeper holding the sadness.

“ryunji-ah.... answer me. Where have you been? I’ll pick you up and we’ll talk about this again. And i beg you to not bring your emotion now, let me explain everything. Where are you?” he said with a tone of weary and giving up. How can he talk nonsense? Do not take my emotion he said, how can I not bring my emotion? What's in his brain?

“ryunji-ah... please say something. Let me make this up with you, i really really love you and i will sacrifice everything to be with you, even when i have to sacrifice my marriage. Let’s meet up, where are you?”

I hold my breath and try to answer him. “i’m....” i take a deep breath and try to control my cracking voice. “i’m at the park near my house” i said in a raspy voice.

“huh...” he sighed again. “ryunji-ah...” i can even hear him taking a deep breath. “i’m sorry if i treated you this bad. I never meant to do this things to you. you know what? My relationship with my wife has been very bad from the beginning, but then you came. You are the one, ryunji-ah. It’s not that i devide my feelings for you two. It’s all for you. I always argued with her, even i slept in another room without her since our marriage. I marry her because my parents say so, ryunji-ah. I never even loved her, for once. It’s always been you, ryunji-ah. Saranghae”

“but.... why don’t you just tell me?” i burst out of tears.

“it’s just....” a few seconds later i hear a loud banging noise across the park. I recoil in shock and automatically drop my phone. I left my cell phone on the ground and and immediately run off the sound source. I stay in shock when i see the view in front of me. choi seunghyun, the man who spent these 3 years with me in joy and sadness, the man whom I love unconditionally, the man who make my day more beautiful now lying helpless in front of my shoes. He look at me in my eyes, putting his hand in the air to reach me. His blood is spreading everywhere and i can’t even describe my feelings. My legs are weak and my body could not move. Instantly I find myself kneeled down hugging this figure who is covered by blood. I paused without even a word, still can’t believe what is happening right now. My eyes are flooded with tears, and then I start to bawl, in the middle of a silent night.

“ryunji-ah.... i...uhk love you.. uhk, too mu..ch...” he gasped for breath. “uhk i’m sorr.. uhk ry” his eyes are red.

"You foolish man! Shut up! Save your strength! You'll be fine "I said screaming in tears and tried to stop the bleeding. He is just smiling, with blood splattered all over his face. He shed a tear.

"Why are you crying?!! " I screamed with a sob. "Where is your cell phone?!!" and i yelled frantically while looking for his mobile phone. “no need to do that, ryunji-ah” he said glancing at me.

“just save your energy” i yelled at him. I find that small objects, while in such a panic, I phoned 911 and tell everything.

“stay with me” i said in tears, more like begging. “i will” he smiled and then slowly touch my cheeks with his cold fingers, then to my lips, and my hair. Then he said, by holding his pain,

"you're so beautiful, I miss you so much"

Tears.

"I want you to know, that my heart is always and will always be with you. I love you "

Tears.

"don’t worry, I'll go through this, just for you. We will be back together, happily"

Only tears.

"Let me kiss you for the last time" after saying this, seunghyun looked at me with his stupid smile then he pull his face to mine that was splattered with his tears and blood, he touched his lips to my lips and my lower lip slightly. And i reply. With his remaining strength, he hold the back of my neck. Then after minutes, I don’t feel his lips in mine anymore. When I open my eyes, he’s not smiling stupidly at me anymore. His eyes are closed, his cold hands is no longer in the back of my neck, his body is limp. He is gone.

 

Somehow i realize that a part of me has also gone. Forever.

 

 

-END-