I shielded my eyes against the rich radiance emanating from the stage-lights fastened to the newly varnished ceiling above us. It shone enthusiastically, its waves dancing around the theatre platform as if it's arms eagerly welcomed me to a whole new world of showbiz. The crowd accompanied the lights, boisterous yet supportive. The sweet smell of hard work and accomplishment burned the tips of my nostrils as beads of sweat fabricated on my forehead and trickled down the sides of my face. My heart still pounded vigorously, fighting its way through the many layers of skin. I wondered whether everything that had happened was merely a dream: me standing behind the stage, me standing under the spotlight, me singing, me debuting. I pinched my right hand. It hurt. This is real, I have finally debuted. I am finally a singer.

Father is a judge, mother is a doctor. Of course they would want me to be someone with a high rank in society. They would not spare a second to listen to me voice my dream… but I also did not have the courage to express myself because of the mingling fear of an undesired ramification. Either way, it was an oppressive environment at home. In order to maintain the peace, I just had to comply and submit to their wishes and expectations; most of them beyond my limitations.

One lunchtime, I saw a promotional poster stuck on our school's noticeboard. TS Entertainment is holding a competition to cast the best three auditions to be trainees in their company. Alongside that, they had said that the winners will enter university free of cost as the entertainment will pay for all university expenses. I was tempted but fought back. A tight battle schemed in my conscience with one side urging me to sign up, telling me to think of my dream, my future, while the other told me to think about my parents and making them proud. I reached for the pen standing in its pen-holder, but hesitated as one side of my conscience pulled hard. Imaging the beautiful moment when I am selected, recruited, trained, then debuting left me in a state of bliss and excitement. I reached for the pen again.

But what will mother and father say? They would feel ashamed and embarrassed to have such a son ruining their prestigious reputation known by practically this whole province… after all, they only want the best for me so I can't blame them…

Once again, I am stuck in this dilemma. I blamed my conscience for being so good with balancing the pros and cons. As I heaved out a sigh, I noticed other students passing by giving me glances, most likely thinking what an idiot I was, unable to make such a "simple" decision.

I must've stood here for ten minutes.

I'm tensely hanging on the edge of the skin on my teeth as the final line of sane reasoning draws close to an end.

What are the chances of such a good opportunity like this arise again, especially in this district of the country?

I scanned the promotional poster as if to find any blemish hidden behind its alluring colours and design. The more I observe, the stronger the force pulls me closer and closer towards it, towards the spotlight of the stage, towards the dream, the future that I had always wanted.

I really am thinking too much. Shaking my head free from all thoughts of the audition, I stepped back. What if I fail it? It will be a waste of time and energy hence reemphasises the point that mother and father repeatedly remind me: You are to be an engineer, don't think or focus on anything else except for engineering. It will hinder you of your goals.

I think they made a mistake, I suddenly realised. It's not to hinder me of my goals but their goals.

Determined, I brushed myself clean from creases in my school uniform and grabbed that pen.

Name of contestant: Jung Daehyun.

Act: Singing.

I've done it. I'm not turning back now. I grabbed the pamphlet next to the poster and smiled, pocketing it nice and neatly into my bag then racing back to class as the end-of-lunch bell chimed.

* * * * *

Late that evening while locked up in my own room, I carefully pulled out that pamphlet. I rubbed my thumb on it as if to get a feeling of what it will be like on the audition day. Closing my eyes, I allowed my visual senses to take me to that world, to envision the possibility of me up there, doing what I love sometime in the future. I deeply inhaled, then exhaled to calm my unrestful nerves causing a commotion in my body from seeing the picturesque scape. Opening my eyes again, I am readjusted to the reality of this place, of where I stand. I don't like it, I really don't but I am weak and fragile, I can't bring myself to say anything that will disappoint them… I just can't.

In life, there are some things better left unsaid and some things better left unknown. The truth will hurt but lies leave a greater scar. I'll tell them the truth… someday.

The date of the audition is two weeks from now on a Saturday morning. It was just perfect, enough time for me to practice a new song.

An abrupt knock on the door dropped a bombshell on me, sending a jolt of what feels like an electric shock up through my spine. I shuddered and hastily pushed everything on my bed, covered by my duvet.

Mother came in with a brown packaged envelope in one hand and her stethoscope wrapped around her neck.

"You're back already?" I asked, eyeing that peculiar envelope in her hand and avoiding eye contact with her, just in case her eagle eyes searched through my mind and read it. She's a doctor, more specifically, a surgeon so her eyes are very good. Normally with her, it only takes a couple of seconds and a cold hard stare for her to know that I'm hiding something.

"You don't seem too happy," she commented, her eyes inspecting the mess on my bed. She walked closer to it and I start to panic.

"No no, I was just thinking… ah - you must've been very tired. Here," I said, pushing a mini comfy arm-chair close to me to distract her. "How was your day?"

"It's alright," she replied, walking around the bed. Thank goodness, I thought and breathed a sigh of relief. "I wanted to give you this. It's an application to an engineering university twenty-minutes away from your school, the largest and most famous in the country. I want you to do your best and get in here. There's only one spot left because apparently, a student had withdrawn their application to the university. She must've gone crazy. I heard there’s a large number of applicants from all over the country already so the professors are including their sophomore standard exam in as an addition to find the best students. There's a bunch more details in there so read it. Anyway, study hard and get in. Don't disappoint me or your father. I'm going to grab a cup of coffee. Want anything?"

I shook my head. She threw the envelope on my bed and walked out, closing the door behind her. I reached to get the envelope but an ominous feeling lurked.

* * * * *

Only one more night before the big day. I managed to secretly practice the male ballad version of IU's 'Good Day', perfecting even the eight-octave high note at the end, 'Only in my dream’; however it drained most of my energy. I ended up studying as much as I could during the extra time I had free from practice but nothing is projected into my brain. The information and exam questions are beyond my abilities to comprehend, so much that I feel like giving up on the spot. I feel hopeless. I can't meet mother and father's expectations, I can't publicly express my dreams and talents, I can't do anything. That is when I almost collapsed in realisation.

Frantically, I flipped through the pages of exam details and found it. The exam is to commence on the 28th July, 2011 on Sunday at 10:30am. I took out the poster for TS Entertainment's audition. It stated that the auditions will begin on the exact same day at 10:00am. My audition number is 10, which means it's my turn at around the same time as the exam. My eyes reddened, stinging, quivering. The bottom of my eyelid cannot hold all the tears that had formed so it overflowed. Suddenly, I was filled with anger, with hatred. Who are they to keep blocking off all my opportunities to the future I choose? Why don't they ever listen to me? Why do they value name and pride so much to trample on all their son's dreams? They don't care about me. They only want to plant me where it advantages them. Furiously, I stuffed everything in my bag and went to bed, unable to close my eyes with the tears blurring my vision, even through the empty darkness.

Before long, night was over and sunshine penetrated through my silver curtains that draped heftily to the carpet floor. The long awaited day is finally here. How will I do this? Either way, I won't be able to avoid the disappointment in my parents: Me auditioning to be a singer or me backsliding in the entrance exam.

I literally dragged myself to the breakfast table this morning. The glum plastered on my face was transparent as father asked if I had enough sleep and rest for the entrance exam. It's always about the exam.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"We'll take you there. It's more convenient than taking a bus," mother justified. I guess this is it then.

Farewell, sweet dream.

* * * * *

A/N: Annyeong! I wanted to make this into a two-shot instead (like That Knock) because I don't want to focus too much on just the one chapter. I hope you enjoyed the first half of this story! Please anticipate the latter half! ^^

Feel free to drop any comment below! :)

--DaeTokki