I think I fell for him, I think I fell for him
Lovin my boy

About right, he decided.  He wasn’t about to go and say it was love 100% but like as a word just seemed far to feeble. Fell was probably the right word. He missed him- very much. He probably loved him, even though the stubborn egoentric part of Kim Heechul refused to accept that. Because Kim Heechul does not go around falling for random good-looking Chinese men who disappear without a trace. Much less pine after them. 
 

Your heart will fall for me, your heart will fall for me

It was that other, not 4D side of Kim Heechul that would like if that was true. Hell, he wanted it to be true.  There was, to be rather honest, little to love about him. Apart from his face, but Hankyung was quite a looker to. And he did not just compliment Hankyung’s face. He was Milky-White-Skin-Kim-Heechul. He did not do compliments.

 
Even though tonight or tomorrow night
you might not be my boy 100%

Or may nights after that, he thought. Really, he had lost track of the number of days that had been separated and he still missed that person. Damn him and his lousy- Korean and Beijing Fried Rice. Those words reeked humble, a character trait he had never known to possess. Ever.

Baby Oh - you're going to me mine, right?
Baby Oh - my love, I miss you
How he wish those lines were true. Even if they could be just a phone call or a message away, the management cut contact between them. He was genuine about it, but the rational part of him knew that was merely wishful thinking.

*Baby sha sha sha oh!
You are my Shanghai love, you keep appearing

It was annoying, to be writing a song and have that annoying face and that annoying smile randomly appear in front of him, smiling and egging him on. He could always go to the psychiatrist for a check-up, but he wasn’t going to risk the netizens thinking that Kim Heechul was mental and a nutcase. Not when there was already plenty proof that he was.

Baby sha sha sha, what's with you - you keep making me cry
He wouldn’t like to admit it, but he had spent more than one of his nights staying up crying. Over some Chinaman, no less. A handsome, good-looking one but really just another face. You didn’t catch him crying over the exceedingly handsome Choi Siwon when he was overseas promoting for SJ-M, even if he did feel lonely.

Sha sha sha - you make my heart pound today again
This was sadly true. He would not like to mention how many times he must have contributed to Hankyung’s view count of his music videos or stalk his fansites just to find out what was happening to his favourite Chinaman. It just was not becoming of a top idol. Or top wax figure, if netizens were to be believed.

Baby sha sha sha oh!
My shanghai love, you have such attitude
He scrawled the last word with a vengeance. Hankyung had such a terrible attitude. He was too introverted, too quiet and far too rude to the Great Big Space Star altogether. There was no excuse even if he loved liked somehow managed to stand the guts of him. Anyway, he had let too much out with calling him is shanghai love. Even if Beijing was more accurate, shanghai was close enough to get the reference from. The management would go ape crazy of him if he even dared to murmur the word Beijing. And the last thing he wanted was more of the management breathing down his neck.

I need to take an airplane to meet you
But it's not that easy - I want to cry

If only it was as easy as boarding that airplane. What if Hankyung was too busy to meet him from all his popularity and fame in China? What if he was treated icily by hankyung’s management and they were separated for good this time? Or worse of all, what if Hankyung didn’t even want to meet him in the first place? There was far too much going against him going on that flight, even if being separated made him cry. He should have gotten over that, but time wasn’t exactly very kind on him. He hadn’f forgotten anything of use. Rather, absence may have even make his heart grow fonder hate Hankyung less altogether.

 
I want to cross the Yangtze River
But I don't have money, this is so hard
Some fictional Yangtze river it was, it was more like pushing down all those giant forces blocking him from going. It was more than so hard. It was worse than misson impossible, so why was he even writing this? Pounding his fist on the table, tears started to trickle down the sides forming two clear tracks.

Baby Oh - you're going to me mine, right?
Baby Oh - my love, I miss you

Times 2. He missed Hankyung. He wanted Hankyung to be his. He was a scary and possessive. He hated having his things taken away from him, and Hankyung was his favourite one.

 Repeat

He would repeat the chorus a thousand times if it worked as a magical chant to get him back. Anything that worked. Anything. He’d trade half of his ego to get him back.

Hey - you, who's wearing the suit, Shanghai Boy
Why can't I see you when I open my eyes
Because maybe he knew that when he opened his eyes there wouldn’t be a magical Hankyung appearing to offer him a tissue, dry his tears and nag him into oblivion. And he really wanted that comfortable, constant presence back.

You are a love that I've felt for the first time
It may be a dream but I am yours

And if it was a dream he was the world’s biggest dreamer. He was Hankyung’s. There was little point or purpose in denying that he loved him. He wasn’t going to see this anyway. Or hear what he wanted to say. It’s not that he hadn’t been in love and broken up before, but this felt a lot worse. If there was any dream that let him keep Hankyung next to him, he would continue living in that dream.

No matter how much I miss you, it's not that easy
What should I do? I guess I need to forget you

Forget him. That’s the easy way out. If he could just stop his annoying, haunting presence from always surfacing he’d be a lot happier, he knew that. All the missing and pining hadn’t gotten him anywhere.

I try to forget you but it's not that easy
You keep appearing, I keep seeing you in my dreams
It’s not as if he had not known what would happen when he started trying to forget. It became worse, that stupid calming presence annoying his thought, haunting his dreams and frustrating him every waking hour. Forgetting was the easy way out, but life never was that kind.

Repeat

Because there was nothing left to do. Every word he said couldn’t really matter to Hankyung any more. They lost contact. Hankyung probably forgot how to even write his own name in Korean. It was the end so long ago, with only him clinging on to some tiny thread, some sliver of hope that Hankyung still cared. No matter what the odds were.

Wo Ai Ni.

I love you. And he meant it. In Chinese, in case his Korean had plummeted to the point of no return. Maybe that was all he wanted to say for a long time, to confess what he felt. Because it was pointless, and he was the only one chasing that dream that everyone else long since abandoned. Despite being surrounded by 11 other loving members, he was still lonely. So lonely.

And maybe, just maybe, that tiny part of him wanted Hankyung to love him back too.

----

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Donghae asked, prying his ears away from the door again.

“Hope so.” Sungmin replied, his heart slightly uneasy.

The cheery tunes from Orange Caramel’s Shanghai Romance failed to match with the words or process every member knew he went through.

A/N: May do a sequel to this if people request enough. Haish Shanghai Romance is a song that truly screams HanChul like nothing else. And why does it have to be so sad T.T

Comments and Subscribes are loved <3