DEUNGHAE POV

« SHIN DEUNGHAE!!!!! » Oppa storms in the room yelling

I get up and run to hug him « Oppa! »

« Stay away from me! » he yells

« Why? » I say with a sad face

« Don’t you know how much worried I was because of this? » he says showing me my (Yuri’s) bracelet « You said you would never give it up. I thought something bad happened! »

« Ah, sorry Oppa. I didn’t wanted to worry you. I just gave it to Yuri because he is your son and he liked it » I explain

« You silly girl » he says and then hugs me tight

« I missed you » I whisper

« Me too » he says then lets me go « So how have you been Blue? Are you free now? »

I blush hard hearing him calling me like that « Oh please call me like that again »

« How? Blue? » he asks confused. I just nod.

« So Blue, I see you haven’t changed so much Blue, you act just like the Blue that I remember » HunKi laughs

« Ok, that’s too much Oppa » I say punching his arm playfully

« Ahi, that hurts »

« Yes, sure » I smile « Anyway, I could have been better, you know, but I can say I’ve been good. And well, I’m free only for ten days then I’m going back as trainer, let’s say. It’s a long story…. »

« I have all the time » he says sitting on the couch and patting the place next to him

I look at him like ‘really?’ but when he nods I have to surrender: « I saw a picture of him with a girl saying ‘Ren’s new girlfriend?’ so I just decided that it was better to stay »

« W-what? Are you crazy? » he almost yells

« Yes I’m crazy and I think I have all the rights to be crazy » I say coldly

« You’re not in the right state of mind! » he replies harshly

I’m about to answer when I remember that there are kids here. So I take a deep breath: « Do you want them to hear? » I ask motioning to his children

He looks at the floor

« Know what? » Suzy asks

« I want to know » Yuri says smiling

« No, I bet you don’t » I smile coldly. Now I’ve turn my insensible mode on.

« What is it? » Suzy asks again

« It’s not a good story, bring the kids away and then come back if you want to know » I answer her

So she just takes Yuri and Ale upstairs, ordering not to come down. Then she joins us again

« So? What is it? » she asks

« Where were we? Oh yes, you called me insane » I say looking to Oppa « You’re right, probably I’m crazy and insane. But who wouldn’t if he had experienced what I did? » I ask him calmly. HyunKi doesn’t answers

« What happened exactly? » his wife asks

« I was abandoned by my parents when I was little and fell in coma because of that. When I woke up, InterLab adopted me. I had a very bad experience during my first mission, and I prefer not to tell you. if you want to know, just ask your husband. I’ve fallen in love when the rules forbids it. I never thought I could be free, so I was happy when they dismissed me: I had the possibility to have my happy life like HyunKi, but with Ren. But I’ve found out that he probably has a girlfriend. I’ve repressed my feelings for fifteen years, I was so used to it that I just did that again once I heard the news. You might not have the right idea, but Oppa has, so I’m saying: is it so strange to be a little crazy in my situation? »

« I just don’t want to see you like this » Oppa whispers « I want you to be as happy as I am now with Suzy »

« I know, but please don’t call me crazy, too many people does. I had enough »

To my surprise, Suzy hugs me tight and says: « I’m sorry for what happened to you. I know that maybe a lot of people told you that and that it won’t change anything, but I’m sorry. If you need to talk to someone, just call me ok? »

I just stay still, not knowing how to react. I just stay still, enjoying the feeling of being hugged, of knowing that someone is there for you. Finally I manage to say: « Actually, no one ever told me that, since feelings are not allowed in InterLab. So thank you and, ok, I’ll call you if I want to talk to someone » I smile

« Honey, take care of the kids, I’m going to cook lunch for all of us. DeungHae, want to help me? » she smiles

« Oh, sure » I smile back unconsciously

I follow her in the kitchen. « Sorry for how I reacted, especially in front of your children. I was really too much »

« I have to admit that when you reacted like that I thought you were crazy. But now that I know, I can understand. Even though I have no idea of how you can feel now or must have felt, I can’t imagine living repressing all my emotions »

« Thank you for trying to understand… how can I help you? »

« Just cut all these vegetables please »

« Sure » I smile and start cutting

After a little silence, Suzy asks me: « Do you want to talk about what happened in that mission? »

« Actually, no. but if you want to know, I can tell you »

« Well… » I can see that she wants to know but is not sure if she should ask or not

« Well, during the first one or two missions, you have to be assistant of a senior. To me it was Mr. Park. Everyone said he was a gentleman, everyone trusted him. But after one day together, he moved with me from the dorm, found another house and locked me in a room. He wanted to fight with me, but I was 10 years old, how could I handle a battle against a 35 years old man? So he decided to teach me how to fight, so that it would have been funnier for him. I can spend hours telling you what he taught me and how » and here I have to stop and take a deep breath to hold inside of me the memories that want to come back « but I don’t think you want to know all, and I’m not really sure if I can do that. Anyway, after I don’t know how much, other people from InterLab found me and saved me. I never asked who found me, but I will always be thankful to them ‘cause I don’t know if I would be here now without their help »

« Oh… I-I don’t know what to say » Suzy says

« There’s nothing to say » I force a smile « but at least now you know why I wanted your children to leave »

« Yes, I know »

After this, we keep cooking in silence.

Three hours later, I’m laying on the couch cuddled next to HyunKi while listening to what he did after he left the company. I know it’s a strange picture: I mean, me cuddled next a married man, with children running all around and his wife showing up sometimes… But I really need to feel again his body. To hear his voice, his laughter. To look in his eyes. To smell his smell. To be next to him.