It's funny when you find yourself, looking from the outside.

I'm standing here but all I want Is to be over there

“Uhm Soyu ah, can you go out for a moment?” Sunggyu looked at me excitedly. Of course he’d want me to leave. His dream girl was alone in the room with him (excluding me), so he wanted to finally reveal his feelings to her.

“Yeah sure! I’ll leave first then,” I said as enthusiastically as possible. I showed him a “Hwaiting!” sign, then smiled at the girl before walking out of the room.

Once outside, my tears started dripping. She was pretty, hot, smart, popular… basically everything I was not. She was also one of those genuinely nice sweet girls, almost like a female Dongwoo. It was impossible to dislike her, and it was fully understandable that Sunggyu would like her. Well, lucky for him, I found out that she likes him too. Their relationship was going to work out well.

Why did I let myself believe miracles could happen?
'Cause now I have to pretend that I don't really care

But why did my heart hurt this badly when my oppa finally found his happiness?

Because you think of him as more than a brother, my heart whispered pityingly.

No, I shook my head stubbornly. He’s only an oppa to me. At most a best friend. 

I thought you were my fairy tale, a dream when I'm not sleeping.
A wish upon a star that's coming true

Coming from a family with only sisters, I've always longed to have an older brother and little brother for a long time. I was lucky to have met Sunggyu and Sungjong through my classmates, Myungsoo and Sungyeol. From then on, I hung out with them pretty often. Sunggyu was the same age as my biological unnie, so I always thought of him as an oppa. At the beginning, I had a crush on Hoya, Myungsoo’s friend. But the moment I heard Sunggyu singing when they were celebrating my birthday last year, something tugged at my heartstrings.

The little girl, who had never been in a relationship, realised she likes her "brother" as more than a brother.

But everybody else could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

Sunggyu seemed to treat me really well too. For a whole year, I held on to a hope that he thought of me as more than a sister. I blushed when he hugged me, when he pat my head, and when he held my hands.

But when Sungyeol said something about Sunggyu’s crush one day, and watching his shy reaction, I knew that the special position of ‘girlfriend’ and possibly ‘wife’ in his heart was already taken. I was the only one still dreaming of the impossible.

I swore I knew the melody that I heard you singing
And when you smiled you made me feel like I could sing along

I still remember the times we sang together. Just two of us. We would walk home or take strolls in the parks several times a week, and as we were walking, we would sing spontaneously. Lucky by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat, So sick by Ne-yo, High school musical songs, Just give me a reason by Pink… so many fond memories of him leading and harmonizing with me. All these need to be archived at the back of my mind, and never taken out again.

He was the one who encouraged me to join the singing competition the other time, knowing that I’ve always wanted to sing for an audience, but I had really bad stage fears. I didn’t even make it past the first stage, but he told me he was proud of me because I managed to overcome my fear. When he pulled me into that bone-crushing hug when I got off the stage, I could hear his heartbeat next to my ear, and I felt my heart melt.

But then you went and changed the words, now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's and once upon a song

But after Sungyeol’s revelation, the continuous teasing and encouragement, Sunggyu started to make moves on the girl. He consulted me pretty often, since I was one of his few close female friends. Our conversations no longer revolved around the two of us, our dreams and futures, but our main topics were on him and how he could win the girl instead.

I sang aloud less often, listened to my iPod less often, but put on my headphones more often.

He didn’t notice, and he didn’t care.

Now I know your not a fairy tale and dreams were meant for sleeping
and wishes on a star just don't come true

I used to thank the heavens for blessing me with such great friends, and with such a wonderful “oppa”. I guess I spoke too early. God decided to have him as my “oppa” for the rest of my life.

Guess things were too good to be true, there had to be a catch somewhere.

And the catch was that I had to share the love I received with another person. Very soon, I would lose his affection to the girl of his dreams, the one he calls his ‘girlfriend’.

Who did I think I am? I’m just his best friend and a little sister, not his Cinderella or Snow White.

'Cause now even I can tell that I confused my feelings with the truth
'Cause I liked the view when there was me and you

Still standing outside the room, I could hear their confessions to each other. I was torn between feeling hurt that those heartfelt words would never be directed at me, and feeling happy for him, as I heard her shy affirmation of his feelings.

Now, it was quiet in the room. I knew they were kissing. This thought made my heart hurt even more than ever – I didn’t think it could hurt more than it already did.

You’re his best friend, Soyu. You’re his sister, Soyu. You need to be happy for him. Happy that he found such a good girl. You know they are a compatible couple and she can make him much happier than you could ever.

I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating while I was falling, and I didn't mind

But my heart was still shattering. It was as though a vase was dropped. It cracked. Then it was dropped again. It broke into large pieces of ceramic. Then the individual pieces of broken porcelain were dropped again and again, even hammered, till they were as fine as sand grains. That was how my heart felt like now.

Obviously, my brain reasoned, why would he think of you in any other way, aside from being a little sister? He’s like a firework - there to light up my life, make it prettier than it actually is, but just for a fleeting moment. He was too precious and too grand to be kept beside me.

Me. I was a wreck. A confused and lonely little kid, three years younger than him. I’m not pretty, not funny, not witty, not clever… how did that thought of having a special place in his heart even incept? We were from different worlds, and there was no way I could fit into his perfect, splendid universe.

'Cause I liked the view
I thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

I covered my mouth and walked down the corridor as quietly as possible. I didn’t want them to hear me, and I didn’t want to see them all lovey-dovey. Maybe in the future, but at this point of time, I don’t think my heart can take any more pain.

I’m really going to miss you, Sunggyu oppa. But I will give you my blessings, because you’re the most awesome guy I know in the world, and she’s perfect for you.

Congratulations, Sunggyu oppa.

Oppa. That's all you'll ever be to me.