She pressed the last button on the elevator panel, glanced up at the ceiling above. And her sunken eyes returned the gaze and her face seemed to scream ‘no more’. No more of this, she prayed for fervently, no more bouts of jealousy. No more fist clenching when those sparkling eyes, just simply wouldn’t look her way. No more running in despair through the streets, no more of this, no more she said. No more tears streaming down her cheeks, please just no more pain.

The elevator doors opened, slowly, like an old sci-fi movie of years past and the ceiling light was flickering and the walls were smeared with god knows what. She walked up those concrete steps up, up and away. She walked up until she came face to face with a metal door, she breathed a large breath. The door was opened, it was slightly ajar, was it a sign of fate? Was it a call from heaven, a call calling her name? She pushed it opened and it creaked, she cringed at the grating music. And with a decisive step she burst out into the night, perhaps her last journey, the end of her plight.

The night greeted her like an old friend, like many had done before. The wind caressed her hair, like someone she used to know. Against a dark blue canvas, the skyline was painted on. With fine traces, she could make out every building; even see her apartment she thought. The air was clear, there was no humidity and thus she could see the whole city, up until those rolling hills towards the east, but she didn’t care, not the least, she’d never being into hiking. Unlike her, she had loved it. What if she had loved it too? Could it have somehow fixed this, fixed her gaze to be upon her face instead of upon those men? What a stupid idea, she pushed it out her head. How did even get there? She wondered instead.

She walks closer to the edge and now her breath falters. Her steps are gradually smaller as if delaying the moment. She slips out of her shoes, out of those party stilettos. She’s not sure why but she wanted to look good, even if her body was splattered. The concrete was grey, it would not be flattering, but the contrast of her blonde hair was almost artistic- would she miss it? She always said she liked this shade on her, but perhaps not enough to like her instead. Would she lie awake at night, thinking about it. She hoped not, that would be tragic. It was selfish, yes she knew, but this could not go on, and wouldn’t it be more selfish to tell her, and then she’d know it was her fault?

She had left a note, citing debts. She made up a gambling addiction to alleviate the pain. Carefully prepared it, she had not seen her in the last days. It had to be convincing, or otherwise it’d be in vain. What’s the point of transferring her suffering unto her? Her eyes were still beautiful, was so perfect, who was she to ruin it with grief and self-wretchedness? No, she would go quietly, as quietly as she could muster. When she fell through the sky, she would not scream, but embrace her new master, Death, and, hopefully, let go of her.

Her bare feet run out of space and her toes peek out from the edge. The view is gorgeous from up here and she has travelled far to admire the sight, perhaps it’d be okay to take a bit more time. You only die once, she scoffed to herself, might as well prepare it well.  She looks up, down, left and right, she looks at the stretched out night, the city lights. The buzzing traffic down below, it’d be momentarily interrupted as they scrape her off. Would it hurt, shush, don’t think about it. Why were there suddenly so many thoughts through her head? Stupid Brain, you were so silent, you made me think I was dead. And now you speak? Shut up and tell Heart, that it too, can be inert. For all I care, it might be best, I wouldn’t have had to climb those stairs.

But there’s always hope.

Hold on, where did this come from? Who spoke, there’s no-one here. What is this sound, what does it signify? What’s going on?

Never mind, it was you Memory, always playing your games, haven’t you caused enough pain? Haven’t you maimed me enough, late at night, playing with Mind, making me see distorted images, bearing false witness? Shut up, you too, I’ve had enough of you. Well, I’d never have guessed, you can see her apartment from up here. And the light is on and there are shadows.

She squints her eyes, clawing at the dark, deciphering the figures that block out the light. And then she stops and hangs her head and takes the final step instead.

Never mind, was her last thought, that bastard was there.

And true to her words she doesn’t scream, although in all honesty she cries a bit.