Warning: A boring and confusing chapter ahead. I hope this would make up for a scatterbrain like me.

Apologies for typos, grammar, not updating, everything!

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And what’s left now has always been there: A heart filled with love and eyes filled with tears.

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I never knew a man could cry this much. I never knew it would hurt this much.

“Aish! What am I even thinking? Crying is a no-no for big guys like me. I’m too good-looking to cry over something trivial.” I muttered as I wiped my tears and checked my appearance in the mirror. The reflection looked back at me with a broken smile. I got puffy red eyes and runny nose. The 30-minute crying session did not do me any good.

Maybe Dara was right in the first place. That I shouldn’t get the idea of us liking each other coz it will ruin the bond of friendship we shared. Now, I’m suffering the consequences of my acts, and there’s nothing I could do to not put any meaning on her actions as well. All of her concerns were just a friendly one. I shouldn’t have assumed of greater things than her genuine friendship in the first place. I’ve ruined the chance to be the only guy who’d know who she is behind the protective wall she built around her.

I was pulled out of my reverie when I heard a knock on the bathroom door. I washed my face and grabbed the towel on the rack. Whoever was on the other side of the door was persistent so I abruptly opened it up, and got a smack right straight to my nose.

“Ow! What was that for?!” I yelled incredulously. I heard no response to whoever hit my oh-so-handsome face. When I opened my eyes after nursing my nose, I saw Dami-noona staring blankly at me. She then grabbed my chin and turned my face to left, right, up, and down. I must have looked bloated right now. Better prepare for a great alibi.

“Yah! Jiyong-ah, tell me. Have you been crying?” She asked and narrowed her eyes on me.

“Noona... You know I never cry. I just caught some colds.”

She then let go of my face and crossed her arms on her chest. “Tsk. You at lying. If you won’t tell me anything, get out.” I stepped out and then hear the door slammed shut. I wiped my face with the towel and heard noona say something in between “crying” and “real man”.

I headed to my room and sat on my bed. Reaching over the bedside drawer the photo frame of Dara and me, I smiled as I traced her face with my index finger. I lay down on the bed and stared at the little Dara again on the photo.

‘Eventually, everything between us will change. But I didn’t thought that it’d be so sudden. I need to avoid you to stop myself from hurting. I need to not think of you anymore...’

With Dara’s image still playing in my thoughts, I felt myself succumb to sleep.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Dara and I were supposed to sit beside each other the next day for graduation, but I intended to avoid her throughout the ceremony. Whenever she’d look at my direction, I’d pretend to bow my head down, talk to someone random, fiddle with my fingers, or act interested and engrossed with the boringly rendered speech.

After the closing ceremony, parents would come to their children to congratulate them. In the corner of my eye, I saw Dara kept looking over her shoulders, and then she’d turn around and crane her neck waiting for someone to come in—her mother. She’s waiting for her mother.

I can’t bear the look on her face.  So I took the liberty to approach her though I was really against the idea.

“Hey Dara!” I waved as sauntered towards her seat. I flashed her big grin but she just gave me a small smile in return. The look on my face faltered. Seeing her sad, it broke my heart all the more than I had already felt.

“There’s my mother and my father.” I whispered. “Dami-noona didn’t know if she could come, but there she is.”  I said as I pointed towards my family’s direction.

I reached over and took her hand. “Dara, my parents are taking me out to lunch. Mom and Dami-noona asked if you could come too.”

“My mother’s taking me to lunch,” she said with an edge in her voice. The other students and their families are already heading out to celebrate but her mother still nowhere in sight.

I know when she doesn’t want to be pressed.

“But if she... if she... doesn’t make it...” I stuttered.

“Oh, I’m meeting her later then,” she said angrily, pulling her hand away from mine.

“Dara...” I whispered as I took her hand again. I understood. I knew she wasn’t angry at me. I knew she felt bad. I knew how her mother was disappointing her even though she never said so herself. She never had to say so to me. She was my best friend.

Her hand was trembling and I can tell that she was about to cry.

“Oh, there she is, Dara. There she is,” I said, squeezing her hand comfortingly.

Her mother had just come through the crowd of exiting families, together with Sanghyun and Durami. They were all smiling and her mother looked relieved that she saw that Dara was still there. I pressed her hand and we walked to them. Her mother was beginning to tear up. Dara let go of my hand and went to hug her mother. Sanghyun and Durami smiled at me and patted Dara on the shoulder. My heart warmed at the scene before my eyes. ‘At least, someone’s happy...’

Her mother looked pretty wearing casual dress and some light make up on her. She looked younger than her actual age. Durami and Sanghyun are also well-dressed.  I bowed down to them as a greeting and to show respect.

Dara was smiling brightly at her mom as she commented on her dress. She ruffled Sanghyun’s hair and said, “You look like Jiyong. You’re getting more like him.”

“Why? Is it bad to be like me?” I asked Dara.

“Yes.” Durami answered for her sister. They high-fived each other and shared a small laugh. I frowned.

“And why is that? Because I’m handsome?” I smirked.

“Because you’re so full of yourself!” Dara shouted and stuck her tongue out at me. Her mom watched us and laughed as well.

“Uhm, mom? Jiyong’s parents are taking him out to lunch.”She mumbled. Finally. “They want me to come too.”

Her mom smiled at me. “I should say not.” I nodded, understandingly. “You’re coming with us.”

“We’re going to have our own private party, noona.” came Sanghyun’s voice. “This is an occasion after all.”

Dara turned to me, smiling. ‘You should always wear that smile though I’ll never be the one to put it.’ “We’re going out to lunch so I can’t come with you.” She made a face but I can tell that she wasn’t a bit upset with the idea. I just smiled back earnestly. “It’s okay. Family’s always first, right?” She nodded.

“Thank you, Ji. You’re the best ‘best friend’ ever.” Dara hugged me—a friendly hug it is.  I still feel my heart skip a bit at the thought of her hugging me. I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her lightly. “Yeah, I know. It’s because you’re special to me.” I felt my cheeks heat up as she giggled. I knew I was blushing. I somewhat heard her mom and Durami giggling and saw them looking at us. Sanghyun playfully cleared his throat as I smiled, uneasy of the situation I am in. Dara had her back turned to them so she doesn’t know the commotion behind her. Durami then made a heart shape using her hands and looked at us through it, grinning. Her mom laughed silently as Sanghyun snickered too. I let go of Dara and scratched the back of my neck.

So much for the awkwardness.

“Uhm... I better get going, Dara. Mom and Dad must have been waiting for me too long. I don’t want Dami-noona to reprimand me.” I mumbled, looking down at the floor in interest.

“Okay. See you when I see you!” She patted my head and walked to her mom. Durami was still giggling at my direction as I heard Dara asked her what’s wrong. Her mom walked to me and congratulated me.

“Jiyong-ah, thank you for taking care of my Dara. You don’t know how much she has changed since we moved here.” Her mom told me.

“It’s nothing Mrs. Park. I should be the one thanking you for settling down here in the town. If not for that, I won’t be able to meet Dara nor would I fell so happy being with someone...” I trailed as I look into Mrs. Park’s warm chocolate eyes. They were the same as Dara’s.

She chuckled as she patted me on the shoulder. “I know you are feeling something special towards my little daughter.”

“No, it’s not what you think Mrs. Park...” I said as I tried to save myself some dignity. I need to act like I don’t care.

“Do you know that eyes are the windows to your soul, the mouth the door? And the affection you have for my daughter, it’s clearly seen in your eyes. Even Sanghyun and Durami have seen it. But your mouth states the opposite though.” She said, teasingly.

“I’m just afraid she won’t look at me the same way again if I’d go tell her what I feel. And besides, like what she told me last night—“

“You were out together last night?”

“Uhm... Yes, we sort of talked about things with those kinds of topics and she didn’t like the idea of me and her being together.”

“She said that?”

“Yes, she said so herself.”

“Oh... I guess it has to do with him.” She smiled sadly.

I know to whom she was pertaining to, but I decided to play dumb and act cool.

“Who’s him Mrs. Park?” I asked ‘innocently’.

“You know that I’m separated with her father, right?”

I just nodded dumbly.

“It has something to do with him.” She sighed then continued. “Ever since he left us, Dara had been aloof to every person that would be introduced to her. She’s mostly distant with boys, except for Sanghyun since they’re siblings. But ever since we moved here, she somewhat changed her views about boys. And I guess it’s because of you.” She finished as she smiled for the nth time.

“Me? How come I became a special case?” This is totally intriguing. It’s because of me?

“It’s because you’ve been everything but kind to her. Do you know? The first day when she got back home from school, she talked to me with all smiles and told me she met a boy who bit her cheek and at the same time helped and defended her. I was delighted to see her smiling genuinely again but also, was a bit upset with whoever had bitten her.”

“Uhm... I’m sorry about that Mrs. Park...” I shamefully scratched the back of my head.

She smiled earnestly at me. I can’t help but to smile back as I listened to her again. “But I let it pass as I saw how she had opened up to me again. And it’s all because of you, Jiyong. You’ve been very understanding towards her. I was afraid, very afraid, that she won’t be able to get over that horrible episode. So, thank you very much Jiyong.” A huge smile etched my face as she hugged me. So, I was the one who changed Dara’s views of men? I feel proud.

“There’s nothing to thank me, Mrs. Park. Dara changed because she wanted to.” I reasoned.

 “But there’s only one thing I want you to promise me.”

I shifted awkwardly as I felt the air become serious.

‘I’d be getting myself into trouble soon.’

“Uhm... What is it, Mrs. Park?”

“If you decided to pursue my daughter—“

“It won’t happen in the near future, Mrs. Park.” I said as I displayed a poker face.

‘Does this means that she approves of me?

Yes! I mean, yes.’

 “If EVER you decided to pursue her, which will eventually happen soon... I know it Jiyong, so please don’t deny it, especially to me.” I just nodded dumbly.

‘So maybe “Mother’s instinct” theory is true after all?’

‘Gather up your senses, Jiyong! She doesn’t like you, remember?! So you must restrain yourself, please...’

“Please promise me that you won’t hurt her. I know this is too much but she’d been gone through so many tough times that I know she’d be traumatized if ever she’d undergo one again. I just want to see her happy, that’s all. I don’t want to see her hurting anymore. She never cried when her... father left us, and that’s what bothers me more.”

“So please Jiyong, please promise me you won’t give her any pain. That’s all I wanted to hear.”

“Yes, I promise, Mrs. Park. I won’t cause her any pain and I’ll take care of her.” I said sincerely as I smiled.

She smiled widely at me.”I’ll hold to your words. Thank you so much, Jiyong-ah.” She hugged me again and ruffled my hair. “I’d get going. I still need to catch up with my kids.”

She left me standing there, smiling like an idiot, heading to Dara’s direction. But in the corner of my eye, I saw Dara talking to some guys. I felt myself bubbling up a weird feeling inside me, like I needed to hit something so my heart would be at peace. I just shook my head out of those thoughts.

I watched as Dara talked to her mother and looked at my direction. She and Mrs. Park waved me goodbye as Sanghyun draped his arms around his two sisters as all of them walked out the hall.

‘Someone who could make her happy deserves her more. And I think I’m not capable of that. I might just hurt her in the end.

I should stop thinking about it now. She won’t like me. Dara won’t like me the way I like her.

Dara won’t love me the way I am loving her right now. She won’t feel the same. She cherishes our friendship so much and I should too.’ I smiled sadly at that thought.

I turned my back to where they departed and went out with my family to celebrate. I must enjoy the feeling while it lasted.

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I promised not think anything about Dara. But I broke it the next day.

First day of classes in High School—7^th grade.

There she was, happily chatting with her friends. She smiled in my direction, but I turned around and pretended I did not see her. She called for me, but I ran away.

Why am I even hiding? I don’t know.

Why am I even running away? I don’t know either.

It was like I’m afraid to crush my ego to pieces again.

‘For Christ’s sake, Jiyong! She’s you’re best friend!’

‘Yeah. Apparently, she’s the best friend whom I had fallen in love with. And afraid of being directly rejected, chooses to stay away from her to save the friendship we’ve established. Cliché, right? And with too much drama.’

She continued to pester me to spend time with her. I’m Mr. Popular. And I have a reputation to take care of. Well, I’m just using it as an excuse to avoid her.

Whenever there are chances that we’d meet at the hallways, I’d always try to ignore her presence as hard as I can. When she tries to approach me, I’d brush her of and walk away like nothing happened. Even my friends noticed these changes but kept mum about it. We had grown distant to each other. And I did a good job doing that.

Dara had grown some backbone and mingled around and gain friends. Still, most of her friends are still in the same level as hers—brainy types, goody two shoes, or somewhat teacher’s pets.

Friday afternoons were different though. My group of friends would always have this day to hangout around the town and hitting on some girls. I just flirted but never got myself to ask one out. I don’t think I can bring myself to like one anyway since I was still smitten with Dara.

There’s a particular Friday afternoon that I wanted to change, if I had a time machine though. I was planning to hangout with Dara but I got a text from Sunye, my favourite cousin that her whole family was moving out to America early Saturday morning. My parents decided to throw off a dinner party for them and I can’t miss the occasion.

It was a bit rainy, that afternoon. I strode towards the bus stop and immediately spotted Dara sitting alone and humming a tune. I was grinning that I had the chance to finally get back at her again. I was a foot apart from her when she talked.

"You look like a hippie."

"You look like a cockroach with stomach ache," I retorted and yanked one of her ponytails. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Oh Ji, I remembered. About the phone call last week..." I know I should tell her about it.

"What about it? Well, make it fast. I'm meeting someone." I said and kept looking at my watch pretending I was disinterested with the topic. I was nervous as to how I’d tell her that we need to reschedule it so I did what I’m best at, pretending.

"Who?" she asked.

"What are you--an owl?"

"No.  Listen, Ji.  You promised me last week..."

I heard someone yelled my name; it was her—my beloved cousin. "Jiyong!"

I smiled and nodded at her, then looked at Dara since I practically didn’t hear what she had said.

"Who was that?" I heard her ask me. "Your girlfriend? Why doesn’t she comb her hair?"

I started laughing at her ridiculous assumption, and pulled her arm to stand and said, "Here, Sunye. Here's one of my main reasons that I'm about to lose my sanity."

Sunye knows I harbour special feelings to Dara since she always catches me looking or stealing a glance to her. She even teases me at home about it.

"Hi," I heard Dara said distastefully. I watched her as she stared at Sunye like a microscopic organism she would later burn alive with bleach. My cousin was all smiles to her. “Hi, Dara!” Sunye greeted back, unaware that Dara was already planning to pullout her fingernails with long-nose pliers. And I’m glad I’m getting some reaction from her. This is fun.

"Well? Are you going to change plans again? I thought we're going to spend time together, for old times sake. You promised me you would."

"I never promised anything," I said, while I put my right arm around Sunye's shoulder to see a bit more of her funny look.

"Yes, you did.  You said you'd give it a try."

"I never--"

"Yes, you did. You did!" she suddenly exclaimed.

"What's the problem?" Sunye asked, directing a sympathetic look to her. My cousin took the hint and played along with me.

"This dumb kid," I said, as I helped Sunye with her books, "is annoying me that we should spend time together since its been a long time that we bonded.  I told her I'd try but our date suddenly came up."

"Well, I cant blame her," said Sunye with little pouty movements.  "We barely spend time together too.  And I hated it."

I turned my head to Sunye but kept a close look at Dara. Sunye was looking at me, trying hard to stifle her laughter.

"Well, you promised me last week over the phone!" Dara shouted at us.

"Why wont you come with us? It'd be good to know you more since you’re Ji's best friend."  Sunye said. She shook her head and muttered, "Thanks, but no thanks."

I came up to her and asked for a compromise. "Look, Dara, I have to go to some place now, but come and talk to me at my place tomorrow. Okay?" I smiled.

"But tomorrow, Bom and I would be at school to practice for the decathlon competition next week."

"Then maybe at afternoon? I'm sure you'd be available at afternoon." I said with my faltered smile.

"No. At afternoon we'd be with CL and Minzy to practice for the battle of the bands next month alongside Kevin, Joon, Wooyoung, Taehwan, and Taecyeon. We still need to compose one more song and help the boys’ band to practice. I dont have enough time, Ji."  I enumerated.

 "But I can’t really cancel on Sunye now, Dara. I'm really sorry. I'll try next week, okay?"

"Don’t worry Dara, I'm on your side.  I'll give him a good talking to." Sunye said, but Dara seemed to not hear of it and immediately run off home in the rain. I seemed to go too far. I tried to run after her, but with Sunye tagging along, I figured it’d be hard to catch up with her.

Sunye looked up to me while gasping for breathe. "Oppa, I'm sorry. I didn't know she'd really think I was your girlfriend. But didn't you tell her that I'm your cousin, at least?"

Now, I know I screwed it up and this time—Big TIME.

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A school year had passed but I never get the chance to talk to her. When will she get tired with this hide-and-seek? I terribly miss her, if she only knows.

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Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.

And that’s what I’ve been doing for these past few days that I’m stuck here alone in the house for school break. I’m still worrying over Dara and her sudden withdrawal to me. Was it because of my indirect confession? Did she found out that I was really confessing to her that night and then got scared of me? Was she annoyed that I didn’t get to spend a time with her? How am I going to explain myself?

I’ve tried to make it up to Dara and explain everything to her but her stubbornness was controlling her and getting on the way. I wanted to explain things to Dara, at least.

Eighth grade. What’s so special during eighth grade, you ask? Nothing much. But for me, this is where the battle began. Battle for Dara. And the prize to win? One thing, one precious thing—her heart.

Let the games begin.

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A/N: Did you enjoy the chapter? I know it but the next chapter would be Dara's POV again so... yeah, please comment!