The second time he pisses off Hot Farmer is half an accident, half a cry for attention. It's not his fault though. He refuses to wake up before eight, but even so, Onew and Eunhyuk side comment about his laziness. Thus, he decides to show them he can be more than valuable and useful on the reeking North Farm.

He asks Donghae for some slight work that isn't too messy and he's charged with watching the kids. Woo. Because everyone knows how much Kim Heechul loves kids. He's sitting on the grass with a sleeping Taemin while Minho and Sulli pass around a ball. When it flies off into a gated pasture, they cry for Heechul and, of course, he has to get it.

The pen looks empty so he climbs over and goes to get the ball. Only it's not empty. First of all, he later will find out, it’s the goat pen. And goats everywhere because one step and the bottom of his shoes are caked with brown gushy feces.

He almost throws up in his mouth.

He'd be fine if that was it because he saw the stupid pet goat with Donghae before but since when is that ever it. It turn out there's two goats because another one trots out of the adjacent barn. Minho starts yelling at him. "Ahh! Uncle, get out of there! Gertie's not friendly!"

Heechul turns around. "Who're you calling uncle, pipsqueak?! I'm-" He stops when he hears a noise and all of a sudden Gertie the she-goat-devil is right behind him. He's about to scream when a voice cuts through.

"Don't move!"

He goes to look at the voice's owner.

"Don't look! Keep eye contact or she'll kick you."

Heechul is freaked out and hates goats and just stares as it watches him. And it’s a pretty ugly goat. It can probably sense thought because it suddenly jumps forward. Heechul is grabbed by something and is pulled to the side. He looks up to see Hot Farmer directly next to him. He gives the crazed goat some grass as he unleashes the second goat that is behind him. But Heechul can't comprehend any of that because, holy , he's never been so close to Hot Farmer before and he definitely lives up to his nickname.

When he's dragged out of the pen he's only too happy that Hot Farmer's hand is yanking his arm. He's probably forceful in bed t-

"Can you do nothing right?"

Heechul looks up to see that Hot Farmer isn't happy. Then again, when is he ever happy, but, oh god, he seriously has to be the hottest ing person on earth, and that's saying something because Heechul is best friends with Choi Siwon. Hot Farmer has these big biceps that look like bulging boulders and his tank top or muscle shirt or whatever stretches across that wide chest like he’s not even bothered that all the grooves on his torso are visible. And that face. It could only have been chiselled by the gods because all the features for perfect and holy crap, he's never met anyone who could pull of irritation as well as this guy.

"Sorry, but I didn't know there were two possessed demon goats on the farm." he says mid ogle.

"Bernie Bear, the boy, is fine, but-"
 

"I'm sorry Bernie.. Bear?" Heechul laughs and looks at Hor Farmer like he should be embarrassed for saying that. All he gets is an unamused frown.

"Don't go near Gertie unless you know how to hand it." Hot Farmer continues. "And I found Taemin crawling near the stones, he could have swallowed one and chocked if Hyoyeon hadn't taken him inside."

Goddamn, Heechul thinks, even his voice is hot and has a mild accent to it.

He scoffs and flicks a piece of blonde hair out of his eyes. Hot Farmer isn’t the only one with good looks. "Well, technically I'm innocent here because I'm no babysitter and have never really been keen on the ways of goats, unless it's about goat milk baths because I tried that once and it did wonders to my skin. Seriously if you ha-"

Hot Farmer lets out a groan and, , it sounds y. "Just stay out of trouble, city boy."

Hot Farmer goes to walk away when Heechul says, "Maybe I need a little help with that." And yeah, he knows he's flirting, but that face.

Hot Farmer turns at this. "I don't think all the help in the world could stop you." And life, he smirks. He ing smiles. It is little but damn, Heechul just kind of stares at him as he walks away.

"You might just be right..." He says to himself, because if Hot Farmer comes when there's trouble, well Heechul could definitely make this work.

 

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Heechul is having more pie. He has a piece just about every other day and it is crazy because he's addicted. Almost like he is to seeing and pissing off Hot Farmer.

Today's pie is a raspberry pecan with baked in red cherry crust and it's delicious. Scrumptious. Delectable. All of those prissy big words for how lip-smacking a food could be. Yeah, it’s all of those.

"Seriously tell Kevin G this pie is fan-ing-tastic. The great Heenim says so."

Yoona laughs as she goes to text the secret baker.

"Good because he doesn't trust what I say."

"But he trusts a total stranger?"

"Thinks you'll be less biased than someone whose farm is famous for his pies and will probably manipulate him to bake more, so yeah."

Her phone buzzes then and Heechul envies her luck with reception. For some reason, the South Farm gets better signal. "He says thanks." She reads off the screen. "And wants to know if blueberries would work better than raspberries."

Heechul takes another bite. "Mhmm, no. The raspberries are perfect, Jesus."

Kevin G's delicious pie is perfect for ranting and as Yoona brews some cider for the week Heechul tells her just how freaking good looking this Hot Farmer is.

"So, I swear," he says as he chews, careful not to get any pie filling on his posh lavender shirt. "It's like he is just asking for me to that jawline."

"Okay, woah, too much information."

"I mean he totally saved me today, in like a y superhero way, and he actually smiled, which I didn't know was humanly possible."

Yoona grins at him fondly. "How have I not met this farmhand before?"

"I call dibs." Heechul winks at her and sticks out his plate. "Fill 'er up!"

 

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The next time is totally planned. Heechul opts for helping May on the farm and is stuck weeding her front garden, which would be okay, except he's burning, thirsty, his shirt is completely ruined and smelly, and there's globs of dirt coating his nicely manicured nails. Not to mention he's sweating in his pants. It's not his fault he hates wearing shorts.

That's when he sees Hot Farmer exiting the grain bins next to the barn. Hot Farmer goes down the stairs with what looks like a harness and helmet on. Heechul can definitely use this.

He sneaks up when Hot Farmer crosses to enter the barn and climbs the small stairway up. The grain bin is wide and through the small door is a giant room that looks like the inside of a soup can. It's filled with corn and there's a hole in the middle that seems to be sweeping the grain in a slow lively current. If he could somehow look like his foot got stuck Hot Farmer would rescue him and that opens up all kinds of flirting lines.

He climbs down the small metal ladder lining the wall until it reaches to the floor of grain. He puts his foot down to test its hold. It sits a little wobbly on the pile of corn but he decides to go for it. Steadily he crunches on top of the yellow grain.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He jumps a little and looks up to see a pissed Hot Farmer staring down from the door at the top of the bin.

"I'm exploring, genius." He calls up. "Care to join me?" he winks.

Hot Fire man clips his harness to the wall and Heechul has to wonder why he'd even need that.

"You can't be in here." Hot Farmer says as he climbs down the ladder and starts listing the dangers and proper equipment one is supposed to have.

Heechul actually likes the feeling of the moving and squishy grain below his feet. "Hey, it'd be so cool to have a party down here." He says as he starts dancing the cabbage patch roll.

"Don't move!" Hot Farmer yells.

Heechul does just the opposite pretending there's music playing. "Everyone in da bin, put your hands u-"

It's too late. Heechul feels his foot sink, feels the pressure, and is suddenly surrounded by corn all within a second. He feels trapped and tries to move but it feels like there's an elephant sitting on him. It's just corn, so why can't he move? His hand is above his head and he tries to grab for something when he feels himself sink further. Corn is pressed against his face and he thinks he's going to die. He can't breathe. He can't move. .

He hears faint shouting. It's probably Hot Farmer. Dammit. He tries to take a breath of air but there's nothing there. He's going to suffocate; he's not going to make it. He doesn't even like corn.

He vision starts going black when he hears the sound of a loud machine and metal banging. He feels like he's chocking and his lungs are burning and he swears he'll hug that stupid goat of he gets out of this but it's too late. He doesn't even notice the movement around him when he blacks out.
 

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He wakes up and sees white. It smells like baby wipes and hand sanitizer. He's in a hospital.

It's May who he sees first. She's at the foot of his bed, crying, and it stings. Not his lungs. Why would she cry for him?

"Chullie," she sobs when she sees him awake. "I thought, god, I thought I lost you. My only grandchild." She pulls him in close for a hug. "I thought you'd gone to her." Gone to his mom, his dead mom, her dead daughter. He hugs his grandmother back because his mom used to hug him like this. It feels safe.

The rest come in later. There's a mix of tears and lecturing. Krystal and Donghae fret over Heechul's wellbeing, while Hyoyeon tries to offer him some alcohol she snuck in. “For health purposes,” she says. Eunhyuk and Onew have various side comments about not following rules and thinking like a child. Kangta's not there, but he's not surprised. Boa brings him food and water. Even the kids are there and Sulli gives him some get well flowers, even though he keeps telling them all he's fine.

After, they clear out, Yoona is there, with pie, and Heechul loves her.

"God, you know I'd be happy to die eating this."

She hits his shoulder. "Not funny. You really scared us, Chul."

"Sorry," Heechul smiles at her.  "So, what's this?"

"It's a new chocolate bourbon pecan pie, with chocolate pie crust, and I think there's some fudge in there."

Heechul stares at the gooey mess on his plate that is falling apart.

"It's delish, as always," he says after taking a big bite. "But I think walnuts would go better with the chocolate. And the fudge-y crust doesn't really fit. It's good but not really with the filling. Maybe like shortbread crust would work better." Still, it tastes like heaven and he'll eat it all up.

Yoona texts the mystery baker the report then turns to Heechul.

"So you like working on the farm now?"

"Yeah...and no. I mean, it's nice seeing Grammie, but it stinks. Literally. And I swear that stupid rooster is just picking on my last nerve every morning. And Onew doesn't even talk to me. Not that I'd want to help with his smelly cows. And those chickens. I was reading that roosters ing each hen daily. Geez, that bastard gets more action than I do. Pardon the language." He grumbles into his pie.

Yoona's laughing.

"I'm not being funny, Yoona. Seriously, don't go near that . Pun intended." Yoona throws her head back and has to clutch the seat to stop her from laughing off her chair. Her phone rings and she answers in mid giggle.

"Yes? Oh, Hey.. No, I’m in town. Huh? My friend? Yeah. Yeah, he's here." She looks over to Heechul who keeps eating his pie, but looks at her strangely.

"What? No, you can't talk to him! Cuz that weird that's why! He said what he said so- Huh? What's wrong anyway? Yeah, we'll I'm glad you sav-" She pauses mid-sentence, gapes directly at Heechul and puts the phone to her neck.

"Why we're you in the grain bin again?"

Heechul sighs. "My failed plan to catch Hot Farmer's attention. Though I guess he did save me in the end, or I think it was him. Well, it's better than crashing the quad bike into his truck. Is that Kevin G on the phone?"

Yoona's eyes go wide and she's staring at Heechul likes she's seeing him for the first time.

"Sorry, got to go." She says into the phone, than smiles her cute child-like smile.

"Chul, tell me again about Hot Farmer?"

a/n. Looks like Yoona knows the secret xDDDD Writing this makes me really want pie... and a hot farmer.. oh life. I researched pies for this and didn't know there were so many different fillings, crusts etc. So crazy. Also, the whole thing where Heechul fell into the grain bin, it actually happens and like kills tons of farmers each year. :( Good things Hot Farmer saved Heenim!

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