My jaw trembled and my shoulders were jerking uncontrollably as I curled my self into a ball around the cushion I clutched desperately. The tears ran freely down my face, my chest choked with silent sobs as I refused to let the sound past my lips. It’ didn’t matter how much pain I was feeling, no sound would pass my lips. I didn’t voice my pain, only the tears, puffy cheeks and trembling body gave away the emotions I refused to voice. I clutched my hand tighter around the dark blue lead and collar. If I stared for long enough she’d be back, it wouldn’t have happened yet her pained cries rang in my ears as I let out a small choked noise. I knew this day was coming but I had still managed to convince myself that everything was okay, that I had more time. That she was getting better, the medicine was working but I knew by the tone of my Ummas voice when she called me at lunch that there was no more time. After thirteen years I was finally saying goodbye to my best friend, the one that listened to the things I couldn’t ever say to another person. I taken the rest of day to take care of her, take our last picture together and go on that last walk. And now, now she was gone. My baby was gone.

        My baby was a small black and brown Jack Russell terrier by the name of Sindy. She was my first pet, the reason I loved animals so much. I could still remember cradling her in my arms for the first time when she was completely black with only tinges of brown on her ears. I remember getting in trouble after teaching her to jump the small front wall outside her house because she made continuous escape attempts that ended with us running after her in our pajamas as she raced us. She used to my face and sniff me all over when I came home from a long day at school, her little nose tickling my skin as she all but grinned at me. I loved how she’d get excited when I came home for a visit after moving away to college, how she immediately welcomed Hakyeon to the family when I shyly brought him home one Christmas Eve with his arm around my waist. I loved how she’d sit in his lap as he petted and treated her with the up most respect, how he gave into her big brown puppy dog eyes and played with her. She was the light of my life before I met Hakyeon. She was everything I needed, even now. Thirteen years may have seemed like a long time but it passed in the blink of an eye and now here I was. I was curled around Hakyeons pillow with her collar clutched in my hand and the images of them injecting her with the blue liquid that made her whine even though they said it wouldn’t hurt her. That she’d feel no pain. I was left with the image of my mother her as her chest rose and fell slower and slower by the second as Appa clutched my shoulder tightly.

        I felt like screaming despite my silence. I wanted to flint the pillow across the room and throw a tantrum like I did when I was five and my sister had ruined my football. I wanted to reverse time and spend everyday treating Sindy as if she was a real Princess like the nickname Hakyeon gave her ‘Cinderella’. I want to curl up in front of the fire with her more, play with the soft brown fur of her ears until she fell asleep and started to snore cutely like she use to. I wanted the pain of knowing there’d be no more pitter patter of tiny running paws as I opened the door when visiting my parents, that she wouldn’t be by my feet when we had dinner with them and there’d be no more of all of us sneaking her left over’s, even Umma who always complained about it. I knew it was the right decision. That she was old and in pain, that the medication stopped working and it wasn’t fair. It was the right decision. I knew that, but it didn’t stop my feeling as if I’d lost half of myself. It didn’t numb the ache in my chest that demanded to see and hold her again. It didn’t bring back the dog I grew up loving. 

       ‘Taekwoonie’ Hakyeons voice filled the apartment, followed by a sad meow from our little tabby kitten Pepper, named stupidly after the woman in Iron Man after Hakyeon had made me watch all of them before the third one came out. I made no sound in response. Normally I’d almost trip over myself to meet him or at least make noise to let him know where I was but I didn’t want him to find me. I didn’t want to see people. I wanted to curl up and fold myself into some big black hole in space and never return. I wanted my dog back. A new set of tears and silent sobs washed over me as all the thoughts came flooding back, stinging with a vengeance as a dog barked in the apartment up stairs. I let out a small whimper, not even bothering to wipe away the tears anymore as the bedroom door was pushed open and a crack of light entered the room. ‘Taekwoonie, your Umma called…I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you Woonie’ Hakyeon made his way towards me as I nodded slightly in response. My head was beginning to hurt from crying on and off for three hours in the dark. A hand made its way to my dark hair, fingers raking through it soothingly as I shook. ‘She loved you so much Woonie and I know you loved her too baby but it wouldn’t have been fair to Sindy’ his voice was soft as he wound an arm around my waist, the other on my pillow, still my hair as he curled around me protectively. ‘I k-know’ I croaked out, my voice mangled with the sobs I finally released now that Hakyeon was holding me, ‘but that doesn’t take away the pain’. ‘My little Taekwoonie, oh baby I wish I could take away the pain. I would do anything to make you smile right now. Just tell me what I can do for you baby’ Hakyeons hand tightened on my waist as I buried my head in his pillow. I muffled the sobs as he pulled me close, leaning over to kiss my temple gently. ‘Give me my doggie back. I want my dog’.

       I waited. I waited for the sad sigh and the lecture on how she wasn’t coming back. For the lecture about how I was twenty three now and should understand that things don’t work that way, that people and animals die and that we just have to accept it. But the lecture never came. All I get was a quick peck on the lips before he was untangling himself from me and running from the room. My heart sank as the warmth left with him, leaving me to sink into the darkness with my feelings once again as the bathroom door closed. Maybe he was fed up with me already and was leaving was all I could think before images of Sindy invaded my mind once again.

        I don’t know how long I’d been lying there when I heard a door open and shuffling in the apartment. It could have been hours or merely minutes but my mind was too tired to process time at this point. My heart and head ached, my body feeling limp and defeated. I closed my eyes, determined to clock out the world, to fall into a deep sleep and pretend it never happened but a loud bang made me jump. ‘Hakyeon? Yeonie are you hurt?’ I called out unsurely. Heart thumping fast at the thought of having something bad happen to another of my loved ones. I waited, hoping to hear his laughter and voice reassuring my but I was met with a silence that rivaled my own constant silence. I scrambled from the bed, letting the pillow fall to the floor as my feet moved automatically, Hakyeons name falling from my lips once again. I searched the bedroom and spare room that he used for dancing, but he was no where to be found. The kitchen was empty which left the living room and as I drew closer I could hear scratching at the door. I sighed; rubbing the tears from my cheeks as I went to open the door, readying myself to pick up Pepper and hug her but the sight that met my eyes wasn’t what I was expecting.

        Hakyeon sat with his legs under him on the ground, arms tucked in at the side with his hands hanging limply. He had his head tilted, red hair sticking out from under the hood of the pajamas, tongue lolling out adorably as he gazed at me with his big brown puppy eyes. I couldn’t help the small chuckle that left my lips at the sight of my slightly older boyfriend in an adult’s dog onesie. It had a white heart on the chest and the rest was a light brown, the ears perked with adorable eyes and a tongue sticking out on the hood, it even had a little brown tail. Hakyeon smiled, jumping slightly as he let out a small bark, crawling on all fours over to nudge my legs with his head for attention. I couldn’t stop the smile or laughter that bubbled in my chest as he whined at my lack of movement. I sank to my knees slowly, running a hand over the soft material of the onesie, ‘What are you doing you idiot?’. Hakyeon smiled, whining softly in the back of his throat as he moved to sit in my lap. I let myself laugh as he dug his nose in to my neck, little tufts of air tickling my skin as he pretended to sniff me like a dog would. I jumped, almost shoving him off me when something cold and wet brushed over my cheek. ‘Hakyeon, that’s disgusting’ I glared as he my other cheek, smiling as he saw me struggling to hide my smile. ‘I don’t want to see my Taekwoonie sad so I borrowed Hyukkie’s pajama’s on the way home and decided that I’ll be your pet for the day’ Hakyeon muttered softly, cheeks red as he gazed at his hands, ‘It’s really embarrassing cause he and Hongbin made fun of me’.

          I smiled, kissing his flushed cheeks as I pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Hakyeon didn’t complain, he knew more than anyone that I needed this, that this was my way of expressing all the words I couldn’t physically say to him. He understood perfectly as he wrapped his arms around my neck, resting his head on mine, playing with small hairs on my neck as I just took in the feeling of having someone to hold. Hakyeon kissed the top of my head before smiling and nipping at my ear playfully. I rolled my eyes as he slipped away from me, rolling onto his back and once again training those eyes on me as he whined. I smiled, lying down beside him as I reached over to rub his belly softly as he pretended to thump his leg against the wooden floor as I gazed him. Hakyeon had his eyes closed, a small smile on his tired face that made everything seem okay, his bright red hair fanned out against his tanned skin. A perfect picture of a flawless human, well ‘dog’. I couldn’t help but just stop and stare at him, taking in what he was doing. Here he was, a man just out of college, working full time as a dance instructor and he was all mine. He was dressed up as a dog just to make me smile, no matter how embarrassed he was or felt because of it. He still did it because seeing my hurt was one of his biggest fears and he couldn’t stand it.

          The passed quickly with Hakyeon crawling around on all fours. He followed me around, constantly whining for attention or food. He even went as far as to lap water from a bowl just to make me laugh a genuine laugh. I knew his knees must be bruised and sore and that he would have problems dancing tomorrow from all the crawling but he wouldn’t stop. He didn’t stop until we were lying on the sofa watching some drama that neither of us cared for. Well Hakyeon would never admit to loving the drama, not to anyone outside our apartment anyway. I’d have preferred to watch a match or maybe Running Man but I settled, letting him get something his way. My hand rested through his hair softly under the hood as his head rose and fell as it rested on my stomach. One of his hands resting up further on my chest, linked through with my own fingers as we sat in silence. I liked the silence. It allowed me to think. It allowed me to wonder about why my heart was fluttering so fast and why I couldn’t stop smiling despite the horrible events of the day. The silence allowed me to trace all of the happiness back to the sleepy red head on my stomach. The one that turned to gaze up at me with half closed eyes that shone in the dim light with love and adoration. I crooked a finger, beckoning him forward as he whined sleepily but complying as he moved up my body, placing his hands either side of my head on the arm rest. I knew by the beating of my heart, the nervous thrum in my veins that I was finally going to say it, the words he’d been waiting for for months.

        ‘I love you Cha Hakyeon’ I felt my face burn as the words left my lips shyly, my eyes averting to the screen as the male and female lead kissed. I cringed at my awkward timing as I felt Hakyeon chuckle above my, soft fingers and palms cupping my cheeks, forcing my eyes to meet his shining ones. I felt his eyes searching mine, seeking the assurance he desperately wanted as he leaned closer, breath caressing my face as his thumbs ran over my sharp cheekbones. His eyes glittered with tears, happy ones as he replied softly, making my chest constrict with affection. ‘I love you too Jung Taekwoon’ and his lips were on mine, molding with my plush ones in a soft but sweet dance as I pulled him closer, wanting the tingling feeling to spread as he ran his fingers down my face and neck adoringly. Everything was perfect, the pain was lessening. It still hurt to think about my lost best friend, that I’d never see her again but I felt calm knowing I’d wake up to those big brown puppy dog eyes every morning. Everything was peaceful. ‘Yah! Cha Hakyeon! I told you not to me!’. Well, maybe not totally peaceful.

a/n i hope this is okay. I know it's short I just need to get this out. The dog in the picture is my dog Sindy who we said goodbye to yesterday because it wasn't fair to let her suffer and the only idol that I could think of was Taekwoon because he'd be shattered like I am if he lost a pet so I hope you like it and enjoy Hakyeon doing anything and everything to cheer up his Taekwoonie ^^

This is Hakyeons doggie suit ^^