He's restless, tossing and turning, his skin is sweaty, clothes sticking to the body and panic builds up when it happens again. He's in the car with his friends, it's getting late and it started snowing again, harder this time. The dark night is covered in white coldness that swirls around in fast pace in the wind, hitting the car’s window from the front. Wipers works like crazy, but the visibility is too short and the experience of the driver is too small to handle the situation. They move forward slower than they went before, when going to the neighboring city and can barely see the cars in front of them. And then there's the twist in the road, too sudden and they missed it, they find out when car loses control and slips off the road. Time slows down and Youngjae can see the faces of his friends that are stoned from fear while his brain can't register what happens until they feel upside down and their car is rolling down the hill.

Youngjae jumps in bed, his forehead is sweaty, chest heaving with every quick inhale-exhale and his whole body is trembling from shock, eyes darting around, but there’s no car or his friends and then the realisation comes slowly and he knows it was another dream. He kept having these seldomly, they are bringing his fears back. He falls on his back reliving the events until it starts fading slowly and he knows he won't be able to sleep, not tonight so he props on elbows to look at the digital clock by his night stand. The display shows after 3am and Youngjae runs hand through his hair frustrated. Another half of the night wide awake, trembling from panic which makes him believe he's still in the car. Youngjae thinks about his parents sleeping soundly in their room and envies them. No one will ever know how he felt that particular night, yet they all try to help him. Even this stranger, Daehyun. He thinks he's a happy guy that could cure someone with his sunny character. Youngjae feels mad thinking about him. Damn you, Jung Daehyun, if you really want to help me you will need to delete this memory. Which is impossible.

He gives up on sleep and lies on bed tossing around, wincing from panic before he automatically gets up from bed and goes to his desk. He finds what he needs in the dark and returns to bed with a notebook and pen in his hand. The boy turns on his bedside lamp and blinks trying to adjust to the light. Youngjae opens the notebook and still automatically, as if he was in a trans starts writing his dream down. He didn't miss a single emotion he felt and when his hand starts shaking he stops and takes a breath in to calm down before resuming to writing.

When he finishes, it's past 4 in the morning and it's getting brighter outside when Youngjae feels his eyelids getting heavy and his body sinking into the bed. It was first time he managed to fall asleep after a nightmare.

Days pass by and Youngjae waits for Daehyun's reply. He avoids his notebook where the dream had been written like it carried a disease. Youngjae believes he needs to send it to Daehyun, he feels determined about sending it every evening, but then morning comes around and he fights the urge to rip it out and throw it to the trash bin. He's having an inner fight and at the same time waiting for another to reply. The days of waiting are the longest, at least this little hope keeps his mind away from other things, such as returning to school or even to the reason of why he dropped out. The beginning of his fall, from a young boy full of life joy turning into a depressed person that doesn't see the bright colors and has panic attacks. The dream doesn’t return while waiting which is good. He doesn’t think Daehyun could be busy or that one of the letters got stuck halfway.

A week ends and another starts, but there's no reply from Daehyun and Youngjae decides. He seals the envelope and writes their addresses down before bringing it to mom. She seems surprised.

"A letter? But you haven't heard from him yet." His parents needs to know if reply comes and that Youngjae would answer to it. The psychologist will ask about it in the meetings.

"I just wanted to write him. Got tired of waiting."

Mom smiled gently.

"You like writing to him?"

"I guess so." He shrugged, unsure. Youngjae just wanted to show Daehyun where he got himself into. He thought he could try the boy out and see for how long will he last.