Well.

Again, I’m in the hospital.

I’m not sure exactly the date or time or place when I realized this.

It wasn’t anything drastic that caught my attention, but the smaller things that surprised my eyes.

His mood swing, his changed appetite, his pale face and his everything.

Included the chubby face of his. He was no longer chubby anymore.

What happened to him? Didn’t he’s alright before this?

I questioned myself. Just then I figured out, I didn’t know of his illness.

The reason why he was hospitalized for such a long time. For years.

URGH!

Again.

He rushed himself to the bathroom as fast as he could although he had been worn out.

Leaning his body to the sink, he vomited hard. Everything that he just took a moment ago was literally being thrown out again.

Standing at the back, I slightly patted on his back when I saw the frown on his face.

He was in pain. And tired. I couldn’t remembered how many times he had been vomiting.

But all I’m sure with was it had over the limit for a child to handle.

“Oh my…” I mumbled to myself as I’m trying hard to control my breath and calmed myself.

I could still felt the nauseous kept on kicking in him and his face was getting paler.

“XiuMing, are you okay?” I carried him back to his bed, watching him lying weakly.

As he was totally out of energy, he just nodded.

Feeling bad and worried to see him in that state, I planned to look for the nurses at the counter.

Just getting up from my seat, I found someone gripped on my wrist. But a weak grip instead.

I turned around and met his eyes. The eyes that said no.

No…

Again, I sensed something behind his gaze.

He was pleading me. Pleading me not to do so.

There’s worry laid in his eyes.

Worried that his dad will upset by his condition.

I didn’t say anything, just letting my hand gently on his head, calmed down the little boy.

“Tell me if you’re really not feeling well, okay?”

“Ermm…” He nodded his head weakly, slowly fell asleep.

And the day after, I witnessed the truth of his illness…

The true reason behind the sad boy I met at our first encounter.

He was going to have his chemotherapy session.

For the N^th time. The nurse told me.

From her, I knew that this little boy suffered from Glioblastoma.

The most common and most aggressive malignant primary brain tumor.

Tumor.

The word ran through my mind a million times.

How could he… Why did this happen to him, this poor little boy?

Froze in spot, my mind went blank as it's unable to interpret the things I heard.

It was too much for my heart to handle. To handle such surprising news about him.

That’s the reason he looked so ill?

I clenched my fist and closed my eyes, trying to suppress my anger after looking at the weak figure on the bed.

I’m angry. But, it’s not to XiuMing. It’s anger to myself.

Angry myself for not concerning on him.

Using busy as an excuse.

He standby himself at the bed side, watching into the blue sky while waited for the nurse to bring him over to a chemotherapy room.

“XiuMing, we’ve to go now.”

The nurse pushed in a wheelchair and placed next to him as she proceeded to help him sit onto it.

“Ready?”

“Ermm.” He nodded before the nurse began to push him to that familiar room.

He watched as the nurse cannulated and withdrew some blood from his vein.

Then, ran on the IV drip as usual, followed by the chemo drugs later.

“I’ll leave you to rest,” the nurse smiled as she cleared her things and left the chemo room.

Even though the drugs were slowly dripped into his body, still it made him feel exceptionally tired.

Like all his energy drained from him. All he wanted to do was sleep, leaving the pain as his dream took him away.

Just as he was about to drift away, I went into the room and looked after him.

“Jiejie…” He called weakly, fatigue reigning over him.

“Don’t worry, just rest.” I replied, ruffling his hair as I began to sing him a lullaby.

Soon, his eyelids felt heavy and drifted into his dream.

Looked at XiuMing who was sleeping peacefully, I couldn’t help but feeling helpless.

If and only if the god could take away all his pain and suffering.

Just like how much joy and happiness this boy brought to the people around him.

Just like how he did that to me.

If and only if…

♠ Author's note ♠

Sorry for the super late update.

As not much time to write and edit this, hope you won't mind with this boring chapter.

I will try to update tomorrow if time allows me to do so.

For the Muslims in Malaysia, have a Happy Raya.

Kim Hoeun

2013.08.03