forgiveness; 

» 'I really want to eat ice cream,' I prodded her sister, Jessica, as we waited for our cousin to give  us a ride home from school. It was September 2004 and  we were waiting by the side of the road in Busan, South Korea.  I was in year 2 and Jessica was in year 5. Our cousin was late and finally Jessica decided that  weshould catch a jeepney home. She only had enough money for the fare, so she couldn't afford ice cream. I kept on pleading for her ice cream, knowing that Jessica couldn't say no for me Finally Jessica relented, which was fine, because we could ride the jeepney without paying as long as we remained standing. Jessica bought  me an ice cream, and one for herself and we hopped on a jeepney.  I  kept on holding her sister's hand, scared that  I would fell off from the jeepney. Jessica looked so calm. 

When we reached our stop, Jessica hopped off first and by the time I stepped onto the side of the highway, she had crossed to the other side of the road. Even though there was no traffic on the two-lane road, I was too scared to cross on my own. I called Jessica to come and get me. Just as she stepped onto the highway, another jeepney came out of nowhere and hit Jessica. Everything started moving in a slow motion, as if I wasn't really there. I don't have any exact memory of the exact moment when Jessica was hit. All I can recall now was that the jeepney had stopped and people were screaming. I tried to convince myself it was all a bad dream, even pinching myself to wake up. I ran as fast as I could to our house, with no thoughts on my mind except to tell my mother that Jessica had been hit by a jeepney. 

We rushed to the hospital. In Jessica's room, I saw my mother crying, embracing Jessica. My father came in and embraced her too, tears streaming down his face. I could not comprehend what was happening. Then my cousin hugged me and said that Jessica was dead. If only I  hadn't asked her to fetch me, my only sibling, would have been alive now. I started to  cry because, in my eight-year-old mind, it was all my fault. The guilt gnawed at me, but I couldn't tell my parents - I was afraid they would hate me.

Two days after funeral,  my mom took me to a prison, where we sat outside the cell of the jeepney driver who killed Jessica. He was crying and asking for forgiveness. I expected my mom to be hysterical but she just sat there, talking with him calmly. My parents refused to blame the driver for my sister's death. They know he did not do it on purpose. It was an accidented. And they wanted to show me that no matter how much pain we were feeling, forgiveness was still the best answer. I found out later that the driver was released from prison shortly after our visit. No chargers were laid against him. At the moment, watching my mother sitting calmly with the jeepney driver, I was filled with a feeling relief. Maybe my parents would forgive me as well. Back at home, I mustered all the courage in my being and asked my parents to come to my room. Despite my fear of what they would do, I told them the truth: I had called on Jessica to fetch me from across the road and that was the reason Jessica was hit by a jeepney. My parents embraced me tightly, and my mother whispered, 'You have no fault, child, none,' I cried, and my parents cried. Forgiveness was given, and I was at peace.

Our road to recovery was very long and slow. Every year, on the anniversary of Jessica's death, the whole family visits her grave to say prayers for her. We still talk about her and remember her in our hearts, but the pain is gone.  And today, the day that I'm going to get marry with my husband, Kim Jongin. I wish my only sibling, Jessica would be here together with me. I want her to see me getting marry. But I know, she's up there, looking at my wedding far away. I love you, Jessica Jung and I miss you.