BGM- It's Been So Long

“How long has it been?” I whispered into my chest, putting my hands in my coat pocket to escape the biting cold. Today is such a wonderful day. I looked up at the sky, smiling at how beautiful Seoul winters are. Still, nothing compares to winters with family. Finally. I’m finally going home. I tugged my scarf tighter around my neck, shivering slightly as I stood on the platform, waiting for the train’s arrival. I fidgeted, swaying from side to side, though not so much from the cold as from the excess energy. I wanted to jump, dance, go crazy from giddiness; instead, I puffed my cheeks then slowly released my breath, forming wisps of steam in the cold air.

The train came, chugging to a boisterous beat; passengers alighted and passengers boarded, just like me, it seemed, with purpose and a bounce in their steps. I’m going home, I sung in my head as I stepped in. I quickly found a seat beside the windows and sat down at the plush upholstery. I looked out at the station platform, whispering a silent thank you to the city. I’ll see you again soon.

It’s been a fulfilling four years in Seoul: I’ve learned to become independent, to be passionate for the things I stand for, to be accountable for myself, and to really see the world without the rose-tinted glasses. And yet, cliché phrases are cliché for a reason—there’s indeed no place like home.

I was accepted into Yonsei University as a scholarship student four years ago, and it was an offer I couldn’t turn down—it’s one of the best schools in the country, after all. In exchange, I had to leave behind everything and everyone that I knew for a place where I knew nothing and no one.

It hasn’t always been easy. See, I haven’t been home at all, not even during the summer breaks, in the past few years. I was busy trying to support myself, trying to make ends meet with part-time jobs here and there. Of course, I wouldn’t ever admit any of this to my parents: ignorance, in this case, is bliss. However, I try to tell them about everything else—I make sure to call them regularly, because then, I could somehow imagine their comforting presence around me.

I was lost in thought when I heard a low voice call my attention. “Excuse me?”

I turned to look at the voice's owner. He somehow looked familiar.

"Is this seat taken?" He pointed at the aisle seat next to mine.

"No. Go for it," I smiled politely, still trying to think of where I've seen him before. He sat down, carefully stowing his backpack under the seat. He removed his jacket and put it on his lap. I turned my attention straight ahead. I never forget faces.

I wracked my brain for a possible answer but came up empty handed. Finally, I gave up. I turned to him, but before I could ask, he beat me to it. "I've seen you before."

It wasn't a question. So it wasn't just me. Instead of answering, though, I looked straight at him, studying his features. He has deep-set, puffy eyes, a tall nose, and a thin line of pink for a mouth. His features, unimpressive on their own, somehow come together to make him look dashing—mysterious. My eyes roamed towards the rest of him. Even under a shirt and a pair of skinnies, I could see he was toned. He has muscles--the lean kind. I didn't realize he was so attractive. I stared some more before realizing what I was doing. I looked away, feeling a blush spread on my cheeks.

"Yes," I finally responded, looking straight ahead. "Me too." I didn't want him to catch me shamelessly checking him out.

We stayed quiet for a while as the train started moving.

"If you don't mind me asking, where are you headed? Maybe that's a clue," he said thoughtfully.

That's not a harmful question, so why not? "Gwangju. You?"

"Me too!" He sounded excited and so much like a kid... just like someone I used to know. Hold on.

"Wait. Zitao?" I did a double take. It can't be.

He laughed. "Yup yup! That's me!" I stared at him again, wondering if he was still the mysterious guy who asked for the vacant seat. He's become animated and...hyper, not at all like his features indicated. It's definitely Zitao.

I couldn't help but laugh along. "It's me, Sojin! Remember? Your seatmate from fourth grade." Suddenly, I felt embarrassed for thinking he was y.

"Sojin! Oh wow, who would've known we'd see each other again?" Tao was smiling fondly, probably remembering the classroom and our childish antics.

"I know! After you moved away in sixth grade, we just somehow lost contact." I heard nostalgia in my voice.

"We didn't have the handy phones that we do now." Tao smiled sadly. He turned to me suddenly. "You look different. More mature." I saw his eyes travel from my eyes all the way down to my toes and then back up. He smiled appreciatively. Did he just check me out?

"I, uh, um, yeah." I lost all powers of speech. It wasn't an obtrusive kind of checking out—it certainly didn't feel like he was undressing me with his eyes. But that smile when his eyes locked into mine... it was giving me weird ideas.

I cleared my throat. "You look different too, Tao." I saw his eyes twinkle at the mention of his nickname. "You aren't chubby anymore." Maybe that's why I didn't recognize him right away. He used to be considered fat when we were kids, and he probably endured a lot of taunting because of it.

As if he read my thoughts, he nodded. "I can't be the of fat jokes forever, you know? When my family moved here, I decided to have a lifestyle change. I took up Wushu, partly for the self-defense training, but mostly because I needed to be active."

I nodded, impressed. "Do you still train?"

"Yeah." He laughed. "It's become a sort of stress-reliever now. You should try it someday." He's passionate about it. I smiled, glad he found a good outlet for all the bullying he got in the past.

"But enough about me. How'd you end up in Seoul?" He turned to me, his complete attention trained to my eyes as I told him about Yonsei, about living away from home. He nodded every so often, commenting here and there. It’s as if the decade we spent apart evaporated in an instant. I found myself opening up to him about details I’d never told anyone else, knowing that somehow he’d understand.

BGM- Something Flutters

“The first year was especially difficult. I wanted to go home—the homesickness was eating me alive, but I had no one to talk to. I couldn’t tell my parents, and I couldn’t tell my siblings. I wanted them to think I was strong. I didn’t have friends, either, and so I drowned myself in studying, going to work, going home, and doing the same thing the next day.” I stopped, feeling the same tightness in my chest as if I was a first-year again. I took in a breath and exhaled. Suddenly, I felt a hand wrap itself gently on mine. I looked up to see him looking at me with his warm brown eyes. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but it felt like I was getting into them. I couldn’t look away. Have his eyes always been so beautiful?

Seconds, or minutes, later—I wasn’t sure—he suddenly cleared his throat, breaking eye contact. I felt myself blushing again, pulling my hand away from under his. Why’s the atmosphere so awkward all of a sudden? I looked out the window as he stared off into space. When I chanced a look back at him, I saw him fan himself with his hands, wiping an imaginary bead of sweat from his forehead.

Before I could control myself, a bubble of laughter rose from my throat. “Tao, you haven’t changed at all.” It seemed so inappropriate to laugh at that instant, but I couldn’t help it.

He looked at me. “What do you mean?”

Memories from sixth grade came rushing back to me, and all of a sudden, it wasn’t an attractive, full-grown man I saw sitting beside me: it’s an adorable little boy stuttering and mumbling in front of a little girl.

“Remember that day when you told me to meet you on the school garden after school?” I giggled at the thought.

He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, and that told me all I needed to know.

“I don’t know… you just reminded me of that all of a sudden.” It’s fun seeing Tao lose his cool like this.

“I’m sorry. We were kids, and I was… pretty stupid.” Tao couldn’t look me in the eyes.

I laughed again. “Darn straight you should be sorry for that. You stole my first kiss!”

For the first time since he boarded the train, he blushed, looking like a boy caught eating cookies before dinner.

“Tao,” I said, trying but miserably failing to keep a straight face. “You made me lose my innocence.”

“I kissed you, yeah. But I didn’t do anything else!” Tao was flustered. And flustered Tao, I quickly found out, was adorable.

“You kissed me and ran away! Do you know how scarred I was? No explanation whatsoever.” I shook my head, a mock disapproval written on my face.

“Was the kiss that bad?” he scrunched his nose.

I laughed again, deciding to put him out of his misery. “I’m kidding, Tao. It was actually a very cute first kiss.” I wasn’t lying, either. Just as he is now, Tao has always been so considerate and caring, and it showed in the little peck he gave me when we were kids.

He blushed again, looking down at his lap as a cute smile formed on his face. I didn’t know until then that I missed that smile. Chubby or not, little Tao was my first love.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while. I turned my whole body to face him, thinking it wouldn’t hurt to say what I was about to say.

“Hey, Tao.”

“Hm?” He mimicked my action so we were sitting face to face.

“Did you know that you were my first love?” I bit my lip, regretting what I said right away.

All the teasing made me forget that I was talking to a fully grown man now, a y man at that. I turned my body away quickly, trying to avoid his eyes. He, on the other hand, remained sitting the way he was. The heat of his stare was growing unbearable: it was my turn to squirm in my seat. Why did I give him the upper hand?

“Really?” his voice turned teasingly low, all traces of little Tao gone in an instant.

I hid my face behind a curtain of hair, not wanting him to see me blushing. His voice wasn’t helping either.

“Cause you know,” he continued in the same ily low voice, “you were my first love too.”

My eyes widened, and I felt my stomach fill with millions of little butterflies. I knew he had a little crush on me when we were kids, but why was my heart racing a mile a minute all of a sudden? What the heck was he doing to me?

He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear, sending tingling sensations all over me. “There. That’s better,” he smiled.

I wanted to let my hair down again. I didn’t want him to see me, not when I’m having stupid thoughts like this.

Just then, the overhead speaker announced the next stop: Gwangju. I sighed in relief, wanting to pretend like that last conversation never happened at all.  I stood up and started walking near the door, feeling Tao walk closely behind. He’s even taller than I thought he would be. I blushed again. Why was I so hyperaware of everything about him all of a sudden?

If Tao had any indication of how I was feeling, he was doing a great job hiding it. I tried breathing in and out, slow and measured. I kept telling myself to think of Little Tao.

Little Tao.

Little Tao.

I closed my eyes, breathing in and out. Little Tao. I felt my heart rate slowly fall. Little Tao.

I opened my eyes and saw him standing in front of me. Not Little Tao anymore. Immediately, my heart rate spiked up again.

“Can you stop looking at me?” my voice came out irritated and sensitive.

“Whoa. Okay?” Tao kept looking at me, though.

“It’s just…” I tried more softly. He’s making my insides do little somersaults.

Tao waited while I tried to come up with something reasonable.

I gave up trying to make excuses. “It’s just that you’re eyes are turning me into jell-o. There. I said it.” I covered my face with my hands. Where was the girl who saw the world without rose-tinted glasses? I was seeing hearts with my eyes merely three hours with this guy. I’m pathetic.

Then I heard him laugh, feeling his hands gently pry mine from my face. He let them go on my sides before cupping my face on either side of my cheeks. “You’re adorable, you know that?” He smiled at me before letting go, a pink tint blossoming on his cheeks.

I looked at him, feeling my tummy flip-flop hundreds of times, wondering how he could be so cute and y at the same time.

“Stop staring at me or I might do something weird,” Tao smirked.

“Might do what?” I taunted him, mustering all the courage I had. I was done being a hormonal teenager—I’m an adult, for heaven’s sake.

“This.” And before I could blink, he swooped in, cupping my chin so our lips met for the briefest ghost of a kiss. I stood frozen as the doors of the train finally opened and he stepped down to the platform.

He held out his hand to me. “I promise I won’t run away this time.”

--

This is so cheeeeeeeessssyyyy OMG LOL 

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P.S. If you liked this oneshot, please check out my other fanfic, "Two Years," which features D.O, our resident squishy. If you're up for a more angsty read, go check out "A Moment of Weakness" with Chen. Thanks again! <3 /done promoting