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I'M NOT A MONSTER

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"It's been a while since we've met. Your face looks good. You got prettier. You're always beautiful in my eyes."

 

I have been longing you. Your face has no trace of sadness, fear or agony. I guess you are living so well, without me. Remember that if you wince in pain, you can call me. I'll always be here for you, even though you weren't there for me.

 

Your stares kills me, I did not die physically but my heart and my soul was dead. You made me die, you did not believe in me, you believed in them. I want to get the chance to explain myself but you left without a trace. I still tried finding you but you're nowhere to be found, you didn't want to be found.

 

I couldn't escape the pain I have been going through. All these nights without you by my side is like it's like I lay down in a bed of thorns. Before it was so beautiful, it's like spring that's blooming. I was comfortable in our bed of roses, why did you pluck all the petals and leave the thorns. Why did you leave me?

 

If I run to you and find you, will you come back? You're afraid of me, knowing that I'm different, that I'm not like the rest. Wouldn't you accept me? Would you shove me away like the others did? You know me better than them, why would you go away?

 

Even if you don't think of this, I want us to be forever. I don't want to dwell in the future, let's look at the present and live happily. But thinking that I am alone here feels like I am trapped. Trapped in the place where sadness and loneliness only stays. Where I am truly alone. I can feel that they all walked away from me, as if I have an illness. What burdens me is that, even you who love"d" me, turned around and ran away.

 

Don't go. Don't leave me, just say the words that you will stay. Then it will erase all the pain you have caused me, to our love. Don't look for me. Don't find me. Remember that the last look you have on me, tattoo it in your mind. I won't be the same in your eyes again.

 

My adoration for you won't return. The love we have exists, but you threw it away. You shoved me away, thinking I was different, I am not the same, that I have changed. But no, I did not changed, only your look on me changed. You let their perspectives on me stain the true things you know about me. You changed your view on me. Our love detiriorated and eventually died.

 

And you left, I'll get sick knowing that I couldn't protect you anymore. I couldn't have you anymore. Remember me when you left me, don't forget that I look like someone else in your eyes. And after you, I'll find someone who'll never look at me the way you do. That someone who does not make me feel different. That someone who'll love me no matter what. And that someone is not you.