No one was able to fetch Namjoo’s body to leave her in the forest like the other girls. Kris cried beside her trying to brush her face with his hands, but every time brought him to failure. His heart broke over and over at his helplessness. He couldn’t touch her; he’d no longer be able to touch her.

On the fourth day the sun finally came out and Namjoo’s corpse was left to lie in the forest. When the chief and his followers went to the site the next day; her body still lay there untouched. Not one animal had stepped onto the territory.

After a long debate, Namjoo was finally buried on the third day.

Namjoo’s grave was often frequented by curious passersby and villagers after hearing the story of the strange one day ritual that took two days to fulfill. Namjoo’s friend, Hayoung, dropped by one day to leave fruits and water in front of her grave along with the diary she used to write in.

First night of the full moon:

This is it, isn’t it? I heard that daughters of families who were sacrificed were often well looked after. Would that mean Ma wouldn’t have to work from dawn till nightfall alone in the kitchen and in the fields?

Second day after the full moon:

Ma, wants me to run. To run means to abandon everything, isn’t it? Can I?

I don’t want to die…

Somebody…take me away.

Third day after the full moon:

When I listen to Ma cry, it feels like my heart is being torn apart by eager mad dogs. The flesh and the blood quickly becomes nothing after death. But what am I other than flesh and blood before the death?

Third day before the ritual:

It feels like I am sitting at the edge of a cliff. I am being asked to preserve the village, yet I am being told to run in secrecy. How can I not love those who ask me to stay? My heart wants to stay, but my body has to go. Who will carry my heart when my body disappears?

I want to live, but I can’t say it. Pa will reprimand me and I will be punished. But Pa, do you know love? If I could grow up and watch your hair gray, I would want to ask, “What is love?”

Is it when you see lights in your sleep? Does the heart tremor even in darkness? Because my heart shakes when he comes to me.

Pa, what is love?

Second day before the ritual:

Spirit boy, are you there? Do you see me hold my breath and cry under the blanket? Why have you not come? All day I’ve been waiting to see your face. Will you smile again when you stare at me?

I am sorry; I might not see you for a while for that is why I’ve said those words. I can’t be with you, but I keep thinking about you. I will see you soon, won’t I? I can come to you instead of you always coming to see me. After the ritual, I can come to you, right?

I want to know what you do when I can’t see you. I also want to know why you wear the same clothes every day. Does no one make new ones for you?

Your hand feels soft, will the rest of your skin feel the same way?

This is embarrassing, but I want to know your name. 

Last day alive:

In a few hours everything will end. I have no more regrets. No matter what happens, I’ve made up my mind. For the sake of my family, I can go through with this. Lets not cry here.

You came to me last night. I wanted to say yes, but running away from my fate…how can I live with that? I don’t know what love is, but I want to be with you.

Can a human be with a ghost? Can a ghost be with someone like you? Will I ever see you again?

Those are the things I’ve been thinking.

‘The rain is falling into the pond, but the lily in the pond isn’t moving.’

Do you understand this? Have you heard of it?

I’m saying, it’s ok for you to forget me. Ma says if lovers are meant to be, they will be in death too.

Thank you for letting me meet you.

Ah…the tears are falling again.

You will be watching me, won’t you? You will be waiting for me even after all I’ve said, right?

I really want to see you again.

I will go with a happy heart knowing I have done well. You know my heart, don’t you Spirit boy?  

 

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A/N:

***Do take note that Namjoo is a very young girl perhaps around the age 16-18 in this story. She never spoke about her honest feelings because she was so insecure. Namjoo didn't know what love was, so all her emotions went to her diary. 

***Kris became infatuated with her thus neglecting to take care of the village and that's how the story started. Her insecurity clashed with his emptiness. Kris had no one to hold him back from acting on his emotions, but Namjoo had to consider her family and her friends. They were two people in very different worlds - thus he was never able to touch her, but only in a world that didn't exist: her dreams. Even if Namjoo becomes a wandering spirit after her death they wouldn't be able to meet because he's an entity on a different plane. Kris only caught her before she hit the floor of the altar because for a second her spirit passed through his dimension before disappearing. 

***And I shall say Namjoo was able to kiss him on the altar because well...love makes all things possible in moments of desperation. 

***OMG I don't know if this was good at all T__T I felt really emotionless reading it. UGH

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