Sooyoung's Journal
What Could've Been.. ( ONE SHOT )
Krystal was in her room.. Reading something that Sooyoung gave her weeks ago after their break-up.. It was a cold morning covering herself with her blue jacket and starts to read..
September 8
Today was a VERY AWESOME DAY. Just because I met an angel.. She was tall looking like a real goddess in my eyes..
And I really couldn't forget her shy smile when I waved at her.. Maybe it's because I'm older than her? Or the fact that she just transferred to our school.. But who cares? At least I had the courage to take her number and present myself to be her friend.. I would do ANYTHING to make her happy :)
Krystal just rolled her eyes.. But she continued reading the journal anyway..
October 27
I know lying is bad.. But I really had to.. She considered me as her bestfriend after being cold to me for a long time.. And now that she's finally opened up to me and learn HER CRUSHES, I mindlessly made a HUGE lie that I'm related to her biggest crush.. - - WHO DOES THAT KIND OF A LIE?! - - But it really hurts that she likes somebody else.. When she believed me, Krystal asks me MORE questions and I think I just made everything worse. I'm sorry Krystal.. I just wish that it was me.. I wish you could see right through me that I really like you..
Krystal pauses for a while.. Taking everything in slowly..
What?! SHE LIED ABOUT TAEMIN?!?! - - - How could she?! What a jerk.
She closes the journal and slam the thing on the table.. " I HATE YOU CHOI SOOYOUNG. " she mumbles.
* RING! * RING! * RING! *
It was Yoona.. Kyrstal reached for her phone vibrating in her pocket..
" What is it? " Krystal answered coldly..
" It's Sooyoung Unnie - - She's not around this afternoon.. I'm worried.. She told me that we'd meet up after my soccer practice today when her schedule's clear.. I'm sure you've seen her right? "
" AISH. How many times do I have to tell you Yoong.. We were over WEEKS AGO. How else would I know where the hell she is?! " Krystal roared.
" What's with the tone Krys?! You sound like you don't know Unnie before.. You're so mean to her! - - - This is hoepless. If you won't help me, I'll find her myself. Bye Krys. " Yoona hanged up..
Jessica looked at her phone.. It's the first time Yoona hanged up on her.. Yet she shrugs the idea off..
Meh.. What does she know? - - Pft.
Taking a glance back at Sooyoung's journal on her desk in front of her.. She mindlessly took it again and flipped some pages..
November 14
I bought a teddy bear for her.. I don't know what came over me like that stupid lie I made. I just wanted to give something special to her.. After lunch today I approached her and just gave the bear I was hiding on my back.. I was so happy seeing her smile brightly and hugs the bear in front of me.. My week's allowance paid off when she really liked what I gave her.. I even told her - - -
" If ever you'd cry again even if you don't notice a tear fall.. Hug this very bear and think of me.. "
Sooyoung's voice resounded in her head.. She sighed and shooked her head..
January 15
Krystal and I are really close right now.. She's been showing a lot of affection and I really like how it feels.. That everytime I see her she would always run and hug me in the hallway whenever I pass by in the morning.. Her classmates even thought that we were together.. ( I wish it was true.. :3 ) Butterflies are really fluttering whenever she kisses me on the cheek before she goes home.. I guess she only sees me as an Unnie.. But I don't mind.. As long as I'm with her, I'll just let everything fall into place.. :)))
Krystal skipped some entries.. She sees a lot of small doodles of her name.. 2 figures holding hands.. She doesn't know if she'd feel happy or appreciate them but she ignores it all..
August 7
It was getting late and we are still talking on the phone.. She said that we should wait for midnight to celebrate our BESTFRIENDSARY because 8 is the day when we met.. In my mind I was planning to finally confess my feelings to her when she caught me off guard.. :"> - - -
" Happy 8th Unnie!~~ "
" Hehe. Happy 8th Krys.. Now that we've greeted ourselves.. Can we sleep now? "
" Aw C'mon it's still early! Hehe~ Tell me more stories of you Unnie pleaaaase?? "
" Okay fine.. Hehe.. ( Tells weird childhood memories ) "
" ( Laughs ) You're really something Unnie! Hehe I'm very happy that you became my bestfriend.. "
" Hehehe. How about as a girlfriend?? ( Slipped tounge because of drowsiness ) "
" W-What did you say Unnie.. - - Y-You like me? ( shy tone ) "
" Y-Yeah. - - - B-But it's not important r-really! Hehe I know you already like someone.. I-It's impossible that you would a-agree to be w-with me.. "
" . . . . "
" Aish.. I-I know you'd be like this.. It's okay I'll - - "
" It can be p-possible Unnie.. T-To be honest.. I like you too.. ( shy tone ) "
Krystal still recalls perfectly while reading.. She hits her side of the head for remembering such memory that she hates.. She flips the pages again..
October 8
It has been great with Me and Krystal.. It is our 2nd month together.. She even auditioned to the school dance squad JUST TO BE WITH ME :) I spent the whole afternoon in her classroom when my class ended early.. They were preparing for some kind of a play so they had curtains.. We hid behind the cloth so no one would see us.. I love it when she just snuggles next to me like a kid.. She admitted to me that she was getting jealous of my bestfriend just because I was always with her, I took her hand and kissed it.. I assured her that she is my only one.. And like she would always do, she'd kiss me by the cheeks.. That's also the first time I hear her say she loves me too :)
January 16 ( Senior Year )
Aigoo~ Why can't she understand that she's JUST MY BESTFRIEND?? Krystal kept avoiding me these past few days because she always see me with my bestfriend and says that I don't have time for her anymore.. Our relationship has been on and off too.. I hate it when she misunderstands.. I tried to win her back with letters and other sorts of gifts.. It always works and she becomes sweet again.. Then after some days she'll ignore me again and I'm always clueless.. Thanks to Yoona she was always there to bring my emotions out.. She was kinda getting annoyed of how Krystal was acting but I always tell her otherwise and defend Krys.. I cried almost everyday because of this and my bestfriend wanted to comfront Krys about it but I stopped her.. I told her that only I can fix it..
February 22
It's my birthday today and Krystal is still on her jealous roll.. I'm near to giving up but I won't.. Good thing my bestfriend was there.. She surprised me in the morning with a cake when I arrived.. - - " This is our last year Soo.. Let's make your last birthday celebration in this campus awesome.. " - - She told me. My bestfriend is really the best.. The whole day everyone was greeting me except for my Krystal.. This is just pure torment.. It was almost afternoon and still no sign of greeting from Krys.. I cried in the middle of dance practice and I don't really feel like myself.. My clubmates chanted together to greet me Happy Birthday for the very last time.. And Krystal was at the far end of the room.. Then I see her chanting with everyone else and smiling.. I felt extremely happy inside and cried more tears.. She approached me after the practice and handed me a small box.. - - -
" Happy Birthday.. ( hands the small box ) For the record.. I didn't forget about your birthday my love.. "
Krystal flips more.. She wasn't able to finish because she was in tears.. What surprised her were drops of blood on the pages.. Krystal can't read the remaining ones because of the stain..
She tried to call Yoona because she was getting worried of Sooyoung..
" Y-Yoong? H-Have you found Sooyoung Unnie y-yet? "
" Yes.. Do you want to see her? "
" D-Dae.. "
As soon as they ended the call Krystal rushed out of her room..
" And where are you going Krys? "
Jessica was in the living room reading a magazine..
" I'll just be out in a bit Unnie.. " Krystal reaches for the door..
" Hold it!!! Did I allow you yet? " Jessica stood up..
" Where are you going? To that Sooyoung again?? I though I made it clear that she should stop. BOTH OF YOU SHOULD STOP. " Jessica's voice getting higher..
" WE DID UNNIE! - - - And it was a HUGE MISTAKE! " Krystal blurted out..
" Excuse me?! What kind of mistake?? YOU CAN'T BE WITH A GIRL KRYS!!! Mom and Dad were already mad! YOU KNOW THAT! " Jessica held the younger's shoulders..
" And what if I tell you that she's dying?! HUH?! WOULD YOU STILL STOP ME?!?! You loved a person too Unnie.. And it's nothing different in my case.. - - - P-Please.. J-Just let me see her.. " Krystal held her head down and cried..
Jessica slowly lets go of her shoulders.. She took Krystal's hand and put a small object and closed her palm..
" Take my car.. I'll just - - stall Mom and D-Dad.. "
Krystal hugs her sister very tight without any word and rushed to the car..
= IN SOO'S HOSPITAL ROOM =
Yoona was there inside the room.. When Krystal entered she took small footsteps closer to Sooyoung's bed.. The younger could see the pale Sooyoung sleeping soundly with small amout of hair left..
" She won't tell you.. She already had Leukemia when we were still in 1st year.. " Yoona went to Krystal's side..
" H-How could she? - - I-Is there any way she could fight it?? "
" Don't blame her.. She was too depressed when you ignored her.. Unnie wanted to tell you herself and she always stops me when I attempt to tell you her condition.. - - The doctors don't have an answer to that question yet.. "
" . . . . . . . "
" Okay.. I'll just be right outside if you need me.. Go to her.. " Yoona patted Krystal's back and went out of the room..
Krystal slowly went to Sooyoung's side of the bed.. She took her frail hands to her cheeks..
I missed your touch Unnie.. My love.. :'(
" K-Krystal? W-What are you d-doing here??? " Sooyoung blinked her eyes..
" Pabo. Why didn't you tell me you were sick huh??? " Krystal spread her arms arcoss Sooyoung's waist..
" ( chuckles weakly ) I missed you too Krys.. " Sooyoung patted the younger's head..
" Are you leaving me my love??? " Krystal was facing the other way, still hugging Sooyoung, loud enough for her to hear..
" It's been a long time since last time I heard you call me by that.. " Sooyoung smiled a bit..
Krystal sensed that Soo doesn't want to bring it up.. Then Sooyoung felt throbbing pain in her head..
" AGGGGHHHHH!!! " Sooyoung held her head with both hands..
" What's happening???! Soo!! Please stop hitting yourself!!! " Krystal cried while trying to stop Sooyoung from hurting herself..
" IT - - REALLY - - HURTS!!! - - I - - CAN'T - - TAKE IT - - ANYMOREEE!!! AAAAGGGGGGHHH!!! "
The younger ran to get help.. The doctors made Sooyoung drink something unlike the drugs seen in capsules.. It's a liquid formula to get rid of the pain..
" That solution can be effective for hours.. Your friend really needs someone to watch her so please keep her company.. We don't know how long she'll be like this.. " the doctor excused himself to his next task..
Krystal wiped her tears and just looked at Sooyoung.. " I'm going to stay here for the night.. I don't care what they will say.. How about you Yoong? "
" I really have to go.. My mom will kill me. I told her I'd be home hours ago.. Aish.. I'll call later okay??? Bye Krys! " Yoona collected her things and ran off..
= MINUTES LATER =
" Soo.. Do you feel any better?? The nurse brought dinner.. You should eat.. " Sooyoung nodded and krystal adjusted the bed right away..
" What about Jessica Unnie? Won't she be mad? I'm still afraid of her when she found out.. Her english was.. Uhh.. Beyond comprehension.. Hehehe "
" Don't worry about her.. I'm staying here for the night my love.. " Krystal smiled.. Sooyoung looked away..
" W-What's wrong my love? Don't you want to eat?? " the younger held her hand..
" P-Please.. Don't confuse me.. "
" Confuse you to what?? "
" A-About your feelings.. I-I just don't want to lift my expectations again.. " Sooyoung closed her eyes..
Krystal cupped Sooyoung's face.. Her eyes still closed.. The younger put her lips on Soo's and closed her eyes.. Sooyoung wasn't responding at first but immediately surrendered as tears fell running down her cheeks..
" I still love you Sooyoung.. No matter how Bi Polar I get.. My feelings would always return to you.. A-And I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry ( sobs ) " Krystal hugged the person she just kissed..
" I understand you.. I've already forgiven you weeks ago.. And like what I said to you before.. If none would be long enough to be with you because of " that " .. I would always be there.. - - I-It's just that it hurts so much and I don't want to expect anymore.. J-Just call me Unnie Krys.. J-Jebal? " Sooyoung held Krystal's hands..
" O-Okay U-Unnie.. If it m-makes you feel b-better.. - - But c-can I tell you o-one more time? "
Sooyoung sat silent.. She closed her eyes again.. Sooyoung doesn't want to see Krystal's face saying it.. It would hurt her more..
" I love you Choi Sooyoung.. " Krystal gave the older one last kiss on her cheek..
Krystal stayed quiet feeding Sooyoung with hot soup.. She could see Sooyoung's back head getting bald because of the pillow.. Sooyoung could tell she was sad..
" Krys could you hand me my bonnet over there? " Sooyoung smiled weakly..
" Y-You could tell? "
" Of course.. I know that look.. Hehe.. Gomawo~ " Sooyoung wore the gray bonnet on so that Krystal won't get distracted..
After eating, Krystal adjusted Soo's bed again and sat on a chair next to the bed..
" Hey Krys.. Want me to tell you stories again?? " Sooyoung looked at the younger..
" S-Sure Unnie.. W-What is it a-about? "
" About my very first love.. Want me to tell everything about her? "
Krystal just nodded playing with her fingers..
" You should've seen her.. She was really beautiful.. Too bad I'm a couple of years older than her.. But that didn't stop my silly feelings.. We became best of friends and she was really affectionate.. I really feel lucky even though she only sees me as an Unnie.. Then I slipped my confession one night and to my surprise, she likes me back.. She was my first - - And probably the last person I'll ever love deeply.. Our relationship didn't last though.. She was really hard to read.. I almost gave up being considerate but my heart tells me not to..
- - - Maybe she was too young for me.. - - - " Sooyoung got out of breath..
" U-Unnie.. I-I - - - " the older stopped Krystal from worrying..
" C-Could you tell her.. I miss.. Her.. "
" Unnie P-Pleeease! Let me call someone - - "
" I-It's really painful Krys.. Just o-ne last ( Breathes deeply ) - - - thing? "
" What is it? A-Anything.. "
" Hug me one l-last time.. " Sooyoung spread her long arms..
Krystal took the offer and hugged her Unnie very tight..
" Unnie please don't leave.. I know it's too late but I want to make it up to you.. " Krystal was crying heavily..
Sooyoung just rubs her back.. " Shhh.. It's alright.. "
" Please Sooyoung Unnie.. You're already coughing.. " Krystal wanted to let go but Sooyoung tightened her last energy..
" It's alright.. ( cough ) " Sooyoung covered with a white handkerchief.. " A little b-bit more.. "
Krystal just closed her eyes and kept her position.. Then she feels Soo's grip getting weaker.. Krystal's eyes were wide gathering more tears..
" Unnieeeee!!! Nooooo!!! " Krystal cradled Sooyoung's lifeless body.. Without the younger realizing it.. It was 8th of September.. The very memorable day they first meet.. Sooyoung made it 'till midnight when she passed..
= END =
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