Bloopers
Chords
The first few keys are slow, as if testing the waters. The right hand plays the moon, radiant despite the rainclouds, reflecting light upon translucent butterfly wings the left shrouds thesceneinathickcreepingfogofloneliness-
"Jjong, you're going way too fast. "
"Don't tell me how to play my own song! Especially when I've been playing it since I was sixteen!"
"...Jjong, you didn't write this song. Yiruma did. Also it came out last year."
"Hey are you the pianist here or am I? YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. ."
"...Moving on..."
The pianist plays on: the butterfly tries to take flight. It fails; the swirling fog is thick - too thick, thick enough to suffocate (at least mentally).
"You know what else is thick enough to suffocate, Kibum? My di-"
Crash.
"SHUT UP, KIM JONGHYUN OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE YOU DEMONSTRATE SUFFOCATING ON YOUR OWN . Can't get some peace around here, can I? ing ."
"..."
The following verse is the radiant moonlight turning cold, heartless-
"You mean like Key?" (Cue -eating grin.)
"KIM. JONG. HYUN. YOU. DIE. TODAY. NOW."
(High pitched screams; general chaos on the set. A sigh from the director. )
It is the fog thickening ever so slightly-
"Jonghyun."
"Wrong key (lol), sorry!"
- wrapping almost-tangible fingers around the butterfly like those of a clumsy child who intends to keep it as a specimen-
"Jjong..."
"Again!? Sorry, I must be tired. Last time, promise!"
Once again the insect tries to move its wings: they are strong (delicate though they seem), but NOT STRONG ENOUGH DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN-
"Jonghy- Jjo- KIM JONGHYUN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING."
(Mad cackling. Another crash. A sigh from the Asian guy who calculates budget. Never mind that everyone on set is Asian.)
And then, a crescendo: the somber keys give way to a twirling gust of light, high notes.
"Cut. JONGHYUN WHY ARE YOU PLAYING TWO OCTAVES LOWER THAN USUAL. KIBUM TAKE THAT DRESS OFF RIGHT NOW, I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD YOU THINK YOU LOOK IN IT. TAEMIN-"
"Yes?"
"What are you doing here? You're not even in the story."
"Oh, this one guy told me to come here. Said you guys had banana milk...?"
"Did he have eyes like a frog?"
"Uh...yes..?"
"CHOI MINHO YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU. HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO KIDNAP MY TAEMINNIE YOU SODBSNDBWKKBK-"
(Taemin) : "Excuse me? Do I know you?"
"No but you do now~ <3"
A gust of wind blows, taking the butterfly by surprise without ripping it from where it is perched. The frog is swept away-
"Cut. Onew, it's fog, not frog."
"ORLY? IDEK. SORRY."
"And stop talking in abbreviations."
-...leaving nothing more than droplets of crystalline dew in its wake. The moonlight weakens with every passing second, until the sky has changed colour and the cold reflection is replaced by genuine warmth. A gentle breeze sweeps one last time, as if to make sure that there is no more fog left.
All is still.
'Nyannyanyanyanyanyanyan nyanyanyan-'
"... The owner of that cell is fired."
Click.
"Mom! You just got me fired before I even started!"
"...Do I even want to know how that elephant got a cellphone?"
"You mean this isn't the set for Barbie as The Island Princess?"
"...No."
(Kibum) "Holy- gurl how many sets of false lashes do you have on?"
"Like, five?..."
"MOVING ON NOW."
Apprehensive, the butterfly finally dares flutter its wings, testing the air, tasting it. It is light, sweet; it tastes of sunlight and dawn-
"Onew what are you doing?"
"M tmppryna pasp phe per-"
"What?"
"I wanted to taste the air which, btw, doesn't taste like sunlight and dawn-"
"-hey aren't Sunlight and Dawn detergents or something?"
"THE BUTTERFLY IS TRYING TO KILL ITSELF! I'LL SAVE YOU BUTTERFLY-"
Insert long-suffering sigh.
-and the butterfly takes off, revelling in the newfound freedom. It jumps from breeze to breeze, going higher and higher and higher still, until it is swept away in a gust of euphoria that is the spring morning.
"Hey isn't euphoria a type of drug?"
"No, that's ecstasy. And it is a hell of a drug, lemme tell you, heheh-"
"NO, ELEPHANT, NO."
"Aww."
The pianist ends the piece, but the music goes on in the hearts of the audience. Kim Jonghyun bows to the standing ovation...
"I said, 'Kim Jonghyun bows to the standing ovation'..."
(Crickets.)
"...Where the is the audience?"
"Oh, they got so annoyed by Jonghyun that they left around ten minutes after we got started."
"Ten minutes! Aww... I was going for seven..."
...(Insert applause sfx here), his thoughts swirling around one person: his muse, his lover.
"Isn't a muse a kind of animal?"
"No, Taemin, that's a moose."
"No, I didn't mean Celine Dion, I meant-"
"DAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHMIGODICAN'T-"
"KIM JONGHYUN GET UP OFF THE FLOOR YOU STILL NEED TO ACT!"
"Lol, he's literally roflhao-ing."
"Onew I thought I told you to stop speaking in abbreviations."
Kim Kibum applauds his husband soundlessly from the curtains, tears spilling over because he has listened and he has heard.
"Heard what? Jonghyun didn't play ."
"Why does it smell like onions in here?"
"...Because showbiz, Taemin. Showbiz."
'You are the day to my night, the spring to my winter, the sun to my moon, the breeze to my fog. You are the love of my life, and I will cherish you forever. '
"Aww, I love you too Jjongie~"
(Taemin gags. So does everyone else on set.)
" AAAAND CUT. GREAT JOB GUYS. NOW GET YOUR OUTTA HERE BEFORE I KILL ALL OF YOU."
AN: so yeah. This is what insomnia does to me. Now i feel like writing a Star Trek AU. How funny would a Vulcan Onew be? Or a Russian Taemin no one understands. XD
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