The cool breeze caressing my cheeks as it passed. The quiet chirping of the birds as they flew past my window. The gentle chatter of the neighbours. This was the part of my life that I missed the most. I gave it all up for my career, for my dream.

As time passed, I had moments in my life where I contemplated whether I had made the right decision, whether my dream was truly worth it, and time after time I would answer ‘Yes’ because I would have never met the people I now hold dear to me. The people who have supported me throughout my trainee days. The people who love me for who I am. The people who I call my ‘friends’. These people I love with all of my heart, my SHINee members.

But moments like these always keep me wondering…What if? What if I had chosen a different career path? Would I still have met them? Who knows. But all I can think about is the missing chapter of my youth. Those missed school trips, strangely nice school meals, everything. And I missed that and sometimes I would regret my decision to be part of the SHINee boys. I felt selfish and careless but I couldn’t help it, being away from a childhood that I wished I had was hard and the few hours I had spent at school was the only memory I had of my childhood, the rest of it spent in that humid dance studio learning 20 new dance moves each day. It was depressing and every time I brought it up to the members I could feel that they felt the same way. We had all lived through that, some more than others, some worse than others, it was how we came to be. It was how we came to be the SHINee that people look up to. The SHINee who fans love. The SHINee who lives with only ‘happy memories’. If only all of that was true.

But being ‘normal’ was not who we were anymore, we had changed in one way or another and we all knew it. We had become stronger and better. That was the result of our many years of training. But if I could go back and live through my childhood, properly this time, I would. Just to rewrite that chapter in my life, just to live through my youth again, I would go back. Just once. One more time…Just to be Kim Kibum and no one else. I would do it, as selfish as it seemed.

It was always a debate with my conscience though, every time I thought about that missed opportunity, I would argue continuously with myself and end up getting angry straight afterwards when I wasn’t satisfied with the end result. It was pitiful to watch, as Minho had stated before but also thought provoking because it always made the other SHINee members think about it as well.

Well, I guess we all missed being ‘normal’. It wasn’t surprising. Fame and fortune was always something that was temporary, not permanent. It had its perks but in the end it always left its victims regretting their decision. That was the curse of fame, a vicious but beautiful cycle that never ended and never aged. It was a curse that we all suffered from.

“Bummie! It’s time to go! Hurry~!” A familiar voice pulled me back to reality and I got up from the comfortable grasp of the armchair. Work calls for me, again.