I woke up to a big slap in the face by the sun. Every. Single. Morning. White curtains over white sheers weren't the best of ideas, but Tiffany said it was better than me sleeping the day away. I beg to differ. "Ah... What a good day... To die," I stretched and sat up in my bed.

"Ugh," I turned to the person beside me who groaned. "Must you be so depressing in the morning, Jessi?"

"I'm not depressing. I'm being honest with my feelings. Isn't that what you always complain about?"

Tiffany frowned at me and it made me slightly upset. Her beautiful raven locks fell over her left eye. "Jessi, you know the doctors have said th-"

"That my inability to see positively can also negatively affect my body and further my 'macabre' thoughts. I know."

"I'm just saying..."

"You needn't say more, Tiff. Those doctors just want play with my mind." I got out of my bed and went to the front door of my studio apartment, checked the five locks. Left, right, left, and right again. Always twice. I went to the shower in the corner and heard Tiffany grumble something about how stupid I was being. "I'm not stupid! Just inept at times."

"Whatever, Jung! Go drown!"

"It's a shower, Tiff. Hardly the most efficient place to drown. Now, if I had a tub, then we could get this party started."

******

I sat in my apartment with the curtains drawn, looking at the blank white board in front of me. I slurped the piping hot instant ramen noodles in front of me.

"Whatcha doin', Jessi?"

There goes my concentration. "Deciding on the top ten people who would murder me."

"Only ten? I know there's half of the criminals in Seoul that would love a stab at it."

"Nice pun , Tiff. I'm serious though. There's at least ten people that I actually know that could, and probably would, murder me."

Tiffany pointed to the board, "Write them down first, genius, and then decide the order."

She was right. I put down my noodles and begun writing down the names. First, my sister, my mom, my dad, Taeyeon, Sunny, Yuri, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Yoona... . who was the last one?

"Heechul. That guy wouldn't even think twice about it," Tiffany interjected.

"What about Seohyun?"

"Too pure. She wouldn't even dream about it."

I turned around to look at that damn raven and smirked, "What about you?"

"I couldn't even if I tried," she said sweetly. It was almost sickening. And that smile on top, she really was trying to kill me. I turned back around and smiled to myself, I knew her answer as well. "Not saying that I wouldn't want a crack at ya myself," she chided. "Just saying I can't."

"Shut the hell up and help me with this list."

"Alright, alright. Geez," she stood next to me. "Can't even be honest with you. What can I be?"

I glared and she finally decided to drop the subject. Stubborn woman. "Now... Who's last?"

"I say your parents. Your mom, number ten and your dad, number nine."

"Why?"

"Well, your mom gave birth to you and all, so I think for her, it would all just be too hard for her. Your dad... You're still a part of him, or rather the other way around, so it would be hard for him to kill you, but not as hard as it would be for your mother."

I nodded. "Makes sense, makes sense." I tilted my head slightly to the right, where Tiffany was, and continued my pondering. "I think Heechul would be number one. That bastard really would not let an opportunity to pass."

"Agreed. He's a bit hormonal, too much estrogen in that guy."

"Testosterone, you mean."

Tiffany shook her head innocently, "Ani. Estrogen. He's too feminine if you ask me."

I snorted at the thought. Tiff's right. Heechul was always way more feminine than guys, and some girls too. He was very... catty. Combative, actually. Plus, he has so many grudges against me, he'd kill me dead. "So two..."

"Taeyeon."

"Reason?"

"I don't know. I just never got a good feel off her. She's always so quiet and secretive. She makes me wonder if she'd planning some kind of plot to take over the world or something."

"So gut feeling... Not a good enough reason for me."

"Well, it's your list princess. I was just throwing it out there!" Tiff walked and sat on my bed. "Ungrateful satanic wench," she mumbled.

"I can hear you. You're like ten feet away."

"Leave me alone and tend to your list!"

"Damn, you're bipolar."

"Improper use of the term. Now seriously, get back to your list."

******

I was listening to some old records when someone started pounding on my door. I groaned and went to check. Looking through the peep hole, I saw the crown of a certain person's head. Taeyeon. Only she and Sunny were so small. "Who is it?" I couldn't be so sure, though.

The person looked up at the peep hole, even if she couldn't me. Taeyeon is pretty stupid sometimes. "It's Taeyeon, Jessica. I know that you know it's me. I can also see your shadow in the peep hole. Open up." Geez, Tae. Could you sound anymore demanding? 

"You talk like this is your place."

"Just let her in, Jessi," Tiffany interjected.

I opened the door with a huff and Taeyeon, my best friend for ten... maybe it's eleven years, waltzed in. She looked around, scrutinizing my place, like she always does. I locked the door. Right, left, right, left, right. "Why're you here, Taeyeon?"

"Can't I visit my best friend?" she asked, not even looking at me.

"I'm not your only best friend."

"No," she started. "But you are the only one whom hasn't set foot out of her apartment in more than three months." Taeyeon looked into my eyes and sighed. I know where this is going. "I'm worried about you. All of us are worried about you, Krystal especially."

I avoided her eyes, they looked as tired as I felt. "I... Just haven't felt like going out lately..."

"Aish," Tiffany exasperated. "Tell her the truth!"

Taeyeon eyes left me, knowing she wouldn't see what she want to anyway. My short friend walked over to my white board, "What's this?"

"A list."

"Obviously."

"I don't wanna say..."

"Jessica," she sighed again. "Come to Seohyun's birthday party tomorrow. Maknae will love it so much if you came. Plus, it'll reassure everyone that you are indeed still alive."

"I'll think about it."

Taeyeon slumped her shoulders and walked to my door, I followed. "Try to go, please." I always hated the begging.

And she walked out of the door. No more than one time for begging, like always. Taeyeon and I both knew that, that was the limit.

"You gonna go?" Tiffany asked as I ate dinner. 

I slurped my noodles and shrugged, "Dunno."

"Well, do you want to go?"

"Kinda... Not really... Maybe..."

Tiffany looked at me with her eyebrows scrunched together, but one raised a little higher. I know it's not supposed to be funny, but I found it funny. "Wow, Jessi. That's the most ambiguous answer I've every heard from you, and you've said some pretty ambiguous before."

"I don't know, Tiff." I finished my dinner and walked to my bed.

"Well, if you don't know, then I don't know."

******

So, here I sat. In the midst of what Tiffany would call a, "crazy " party. Seohyun's birthday party is nothing like what I remembered it to have been in the past. A few of her closest friends, limited parental supervision, party food and favors. Our maknae's current party, is full of alcohol, strangers ing, Sunny and Taeyeon making out in a corner, Yuri and Yoona playing a game of strip tag, Sooyoung stuffing her face- well that actually did happen on many occasions. I didn't like it. The music was too loud, the people were too loud. Everything was happening so fast and I was starting to feel dizzy. 

I hadn't been in the party for that long, but I needed to go. I left my seat on the couch and made my way to the door. It was all just too much. I couldn't really make out what some random person was trying to yell at me on my way out. I just kept yelling that I was sorry over the music and left Seohyun's present by the door. I can't handle being in environments like that.

Walking around to calm myself down didn't work. I could feel other pedestrian's eyes on me. I heard their whispers. My neck hurts from snapping my neck side to side to see who was talking about me. I felt even more agitated.

"Slow down the pace there, Mario!" I heard a familiar voice say from next to me.

I stopped and then turned my head, ", Tiff! You know better than to sneak up on me like that."

"I was sneaking."

"Whatever. Just be quiet. I'm not in the mood right now," I huffed and kept walking about aimlessly. Geez, it's late.

"Jessi, why don't you just go home?"

"No more talking." I rounded a corner and came face to face with some high school punks. Not looking good, Jessica, not looking good. "." The kids had smirks on their faces and slowly walked towards me as I backed away.

"You have two choices, the way I see it. One, you run away. And two, fight these five, not-so-well built teenagers with raging hormones." Tiffany and her obvious observations.

"Cons to the latter?"

"I think you know."

I shrugged and stopped backing away. "I'll risk it."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," and she disappeared, and I out.

******

"Jung Jessica!" I heard a deep voice call me. I'm sitting in a very scarcely furnished jail cell. My cell mates looked to the sound of the voice along with me. I stood up and moved to the bars, waiting for them to open. Some sighed in relief when I was escorted away, some grunted, and one sneered, "Crazy ."

I walked, hands cuffed behind my back, escorted by the ever so nice, Officer Park. Officer Park and I go way back. Well not really, only about a year or so, but that's a long time. He pushed me to walk faster. "No manhandling, Kong."

"Shut up and walk faster, Jung. God, am I tired of seeing your face in my precinct."

"Cry me a river. Not like I like being here either."

Ignoring me, "Always coming in here screaming about something crazy. Always pissing off the other criminals to the point that they probably would transform into model citizens if you would just leave them alone. Always giving my guys a hard time."

"Yeah, yeah. Go whine to someone who cares." We stopped in front where the desks were. "Cuffs off, please."

"Oh now she has manners." Officer Park undid my cuffs and gave me my belongings back, "Now leave and never come back."

"See you next time," I waved. As I walked away, I swear I could hear some badges whispering about me.

******

And so I've shut myself away again, but further this time. I've come to believe that there's someone out to get me. I threw my phone in the Han, dropped my laptop ten stories out of my apartment window, and every other communication device that someone could trace my location with. 

I only go out during the day, but at different times. I only buy prepackaged foods.

I also don't let anyone into my place anymore. Tiffany has been calling me crazy, but she's wrong. I'm valuing my life for once.

******

Today is different. A bad different. 

I went out to the convenience store to get my food, but noticed someone following me. Instead of going to my apartment, I kept walking.

My heart started to beat faster with every step they took. I kept speeding up as they followed. Too much. My head started to pound and I could feel people's eyes on me.

I dropped my bags and made a dash for it. I ran like I had no choice but to, and I don't.

Before I knew it, I was at the Han River. I turned to check if the stalker was still following me and they were. I kept switching my head from the river to the chaser.

"Jump in the river, Jessi."

"I can't swim."

"You always said you had your top ten list of ways to go."

"Drowning wasn't one of them!"

"Your choice. Your crazy chsser person is getting closer every second."

I looked back, Tiffany is right. I made another mad dash for the river, jumped over the railing, and into the river.

The last thing I see is Tiffany smiling that sickeningly sweet smile at me.

******

I opened my eyes, hoping this was heaven or hell or wherever the hell you go. Bright lights flooded my vision. It hurts.

Not just my eyes, but everything does. I looked at my body and noticed the lack of color, in my skin and the clothes. I'm wearing a hospital gown.

My wrists were also tied to the side railings of my bed. Just what the hell is going on?

Since I couldn't really move, I just decided to wait it out. then I remembered, I was being chased. By who? And why the hell am I in a hospital and not the morgue? I jumped into the river, not knowing how to swim. I shouldn't be here, alive. I should have died.

Through my recollection, my heart rate started to rise and a nurse came in to check on me. She tried to call me down, but she's making me angrier. I don't know her. What if she's the chaser?

A doctor soon came in and pushed something into mg IV. I can't be sure, but saw Tiffany before I out again.

Waking up was a lot different from the first time. I feel more groggy. My eye lids were heavy.

The doctor from before came in and spoke to me softly. "Jessica-ssi, do you know where you are?"

"Hospital," I croaked.

"Yes," he smiled kindly. "You ran into the Han River."

"I did."

"But you can't swim. You almost drowned, had a passerby not fished you out."

"Tiffany said it would be for the best."

"Tiffany... And where is this Tiffany?"

I raised a brow at him and motioned to the chair beside my bed. "She's sitting right there." I looked at my raven, "What's his problem, Tiff?"

"Jessica-ssi, there's nobody there."

"Yes. She's right there!" I raised my voice and looked at him incredulously.

"No, there's no one but us in this room. I've reviewed your file... You were diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia when you were thirteen. Tiffany is your hallucination. She's not real."

I looked at Tiffany with tears filling my eyes, "That's not true! Right, Tiff? Not true..."

"Jessi," she shook her head. "You know that I'm not real. I'm just a figment of your diseased imagination."

________________________________

Questions?