After going on our hectic schedule all day, we are finally back at the dorm. As soon as we arrive, I go to my room hoping to get some peace of mind. I immidiately jump on the bed to ease my back that is now aching because of overworking. " Ah~, i'm alive again!" i growl enjoying this relaxing moment. But I soon become bored just lying around.

"I can't just go to sleep like this. It's 7pm and besides, i'm not feeling sleepy now." thinking like that, my eyes unconcously wander around the room. Then something caught my attention in the middle, the laptop.

"Oh! it might do. The internet could entertain me leave alone it's been a long time since i last surfed the internet. which is down to all the harsh comments of heartless netizens" . Just do as thinking, i grab the laptop to look for some interesting news. While i am going through allkpop, something just pop up and right away bring a frown to my face.(here). After reading the news, I was in shock. Why didn't we know anything about it. May be manager hyungs were scared that it would affect our mood. And he was right. Thinking back, the whole show that night was going smoothly without any flaws. All of the staffs and comedian team seemed satified with our performance. Everybody was all smiley without a hint of feeling upset and now THIS!" Ugh~ just forget about it" i'm telling myself.

I regret reading it now. Suddendly, I'm having a mental breakdown. That fear is coming back to me. The fear of being criticized for not doing right, the fear of once again becoming the target of all the hating comments. I'm just sitting there trying as hard as i could to recall any details that could cause misunderstanding to that comedian guy but i can't. We were trying so hard and there's still someone that couldn't realise all those hard work.

Since a kid, I'm always told to behave well to please everybody. That also means giving up my feeling sometimes for the sake of others. However, I appreciate all the things my father tells me, including this, so i've been trying really hard to follow what he says. But recently, i started to doubt if it's the right thing to do. Is it a good thing trying to please everyone? Is it even possible? If it's the right way to live, why am i feeling so miserable now? I try to be cheerful even though i'm not feeling well. I would keep smiling when my back is in agony. I can't even say no when my hyungs ask me out for a meal while i feel like throwing up. To that extent but seems like it's still not enough. As for now, i've realised that it's imposible to please just everyone. At the end of the day, it's only myself that get hurt. Living in this life is already something tiring but it's worse having to live my life for everybody. Not being able to let out all the hard feeling you're suffering from, instead there's just this annoying smile that constantly appears on my face. However hard i try, there's someone who is cruel enough to thow all my efforts down the drain with just one word. All of this drive me crazy, make me want to let go of evething and just for one time, do whatever i want, not what this world want me to...

"Knock,knock" the sound on the door brings me back to reality as i'm deep in thought.

"It must be the hyungs" i think before turning the knob to see who it is.

"Yah, Cheolyong. want to fo out for some chicken? i'm hungry". Seungho hyung suggests.

To be honest, i'm not in the mood right now. I just want to be alone or at least go to sleep to get rid of all these stresses.I'd better turn him down this time.

"Sorry hyung, i just want to sleep now"

"Come on, you're just playing hard right? I know you want to go to 'cause you've never said no to these kind of things. Get ready fast, i'll wait for you in the car." with that, he close the door before i can say anything more.

"Yeah, that's where the problem started. I've never said no to anyone". I sigh, reluctantly put on some casual shirt and jeans. Before leaving the room, i check myself one last time in the mirror. Staring back at me from the mirror is now the most annoying guy ever, the one that has haunted me for all these years. The ALL-SMILEY MIR.