chapter one; 

                  SHE'S DEAD. 

She hated this. She hated it when she saw people crying. She hated it when people pitied her. She hated it. She hated  funerals because all she sees are bunch of people crying and pitying her.

A long haired girl wearing a white dress walked beside a really tall guy wearing all black from head to toe. The guy stopped and stared at the picture of a girl smiling brightly in front of him with a lot of pain written on his face. The dark circles under his eyes revealed that he wasn’t sleeping these days. And how puffy his eyes were made people sometimes pat his shoulder as if they were giving him strength.

The guy placed a bucket of yellow tulips under her picture. The tulips stood out the most compared to the other white colored flowers —which looked so sad like the people in the room. The yellow tulips were different, bright and somehow for the girl beside him, offering strength.

 “Thanks Kris, for the flowers,” the long haired girl beside him thanked the tall guy she called Kris. Even though she was sure that he couldn’t hear it, she still thanked him. She thanked him because he brought a different kind of flower to her own funeral instead of the white colored flowers which reminded her that she was already dead. Yeah, she was dead.

He still stood there —not giving the others a chance to pray for her— staring blankly at the picture of the girl who stood beside him but couldn’t be seen by him or anyone else in the world. His mind repeated some memories he shared with her when both of them were smiling, crying, and fighting.

She followed him and stared at her own picture in front of her, smiling brightly while her current self was as pale as a ghost. She tried to remember when this picture was taken. Was it at her birthday party last month? Or at the graduation party few months ago? No, she couldn’t remember it.

Who was at fault for all of this? If the truck driver hadn't been sleepy, or even if her project didn’t cause her to stay at school until late at night, if she'd accepted Kris's offer to fetch her from school, maybe the accident wouldn't have happened and she wouldn't have come to her own funeral as a soul.

It was too late. She was dead now, a wandering soul.

“Yuna-yaahhhhh~” The sound of a woman crying interrupted her thoughts. She turned around to find a woman almost in her fifties crying so hard on the ground with a man —probably her husband—trying to calm his wife. His husband couldn’t even hide his tears as he tried to calm his wife.

Kris ran to the couple to hug the woman. Not even caring about his pride, tears escaped from his eyes uncontrollably. “Eomonim, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take care of your daughter.” Kris cried out in her embrace.

The long haired girl knelt beside the couple and Kris. Tears fell from her eyes as she watched the woman cry so hard, “Eomma, Yuna is here! I’m not dead yet, I’m alive eomma!!!” she wanted to hug the woman but she couldn’t.

She turned to her father who looked tired and sad. “Appa, look at me! Your little rabbit is alive!!! I promise I will do the rabbit dance just like old days if you look at me!!!” But nothing happened. Her father, mother and Kris just kept crying and crying without knowing of her presence.

She was invisible to them. She couldn’t touch them, hold them. They couldn’t hear her voice, couldn't see her. And she felt useless.

“Kris, I’m here!” Yuna yelled in front of him. “Kris! Look at me! I’m alive!!! You fiancé is alive! We will get married next month, right? Kris!!!!” she yelled in frustration. Nothing could make him see her.

“Hyung…” another voice made her turn to the owner’s direction. There, behind her parents and Kris stood three boys with shocked faces. “I… I thought Kris only joked around when he said she was in an accident,” a chubby boy stuttered.

The other guy showed his dimples and scoffed, “Come on guys, this is part of their jokes. In five minutes, I bet she will pop out and say TEEHEE like always.”

The tears keep dropping when she saw his three friends. The dimpled guy broke into tears as he realized that everything was real. This wasn’t a joke. How she wished she could suddenly pop out and say TEEHEE just like the dimple guy said. “Lay…” She cried out.

She hated this. She couldn’t stand watching those people she loved so much crying for her. She wanted them to stop crying now. She wanted everyone to stop crying for her, to stop pitying her, to stop giving her those stupid white flowers. She just wanted everyone to stop.

Yuna stormed out of that place with tears falling nonstop from her eyes. She needed to leave. She needed to leave  this world, but why couldn't she? Because she didn’t want to leave. She never wished to die so soon. Not now.

What kind of person could leave this world when she or he would get married in less than a month? Without granting his or her parents' wish? Without having a baby son or daughter? Without spending his or her life with their loved one? Growing old with them?

No. She couldn’t leave, yet! She couldn’t leave everyone she loved and wait for them to die in that so called  heaven. No, she stupid if she could happily leave this world without doing the things she wanted in life!

“Angel number 89?” a male voice interrupted her crying scene. She quickly wiped her tears with the back of her hand, not wanting people to see her crying. She felt so ugly suddenly when people saw her crying.

“Stop calling me angel number 89, angel number 89!” She spat at the owner of the male voice who sat on the swing beside hers. The male just ignored her and sighed.

 She looked around the playground. She didn’t know why she was there but only this place could make her feel better. Watching kids playing there sometimes mare her wonde about her own child in the future. But maybe this time, the playground failed to make her h