The older boy looked tired. His head resting lazily across his arm on the sofa. He didn't remember the last time that he had slept well. He closed his eyes with a sigh, the thought of a warm body next to him, thin and muscular, a dancers body, filling his mind. He had slept well then, with Taemin in his arms. Before all this had happened, before the scandle, before being kicked out, before losing everything.  With another sigh he lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. They burned with sleep deprivation, and an overflow of tears that had spilled from them in recent days.  A knock on the door caused Jonghyun to stand and stumble to answer it.

Taemin stood nervously on the other side of the door. The papers in his hands wrinkling under the pressure his thin fingers were putting on them. It had been such a long time since he had seen Jonghyun, but he had been the one elected to drop off the last of his things. A few notebooks and papers left in the dorms, nothing truely important, but enough for the other members to formulate a plan to get the two talking again. If only for a moment.

The older mans face dropped at the sight of his ex-lover on the other side of the door. "I thought I told you..." He started, his voice not as harsh as he had hoped.

"I was asked to bring you these things." Taemin cut him off, holding out the notebooks and papers, his head bowed slightly, his voice calm and quiet. After a moment of silence, and the feeling of Jonghyun's eyes boring into him he slowly lifted his eyes, only to see the other turning and walking back into the apartment. It was a silent invitation that Taemin cautiously took.

Taemin followed the older boy into the apartment, placing the things he had brought on a counter and moving to sit on the sofa. His hands twitched in his lap as he watched his hyung pace around the room. "I told you not to come here, not to talk to me." He said angrily.

"Don't even say hello." Taemin repeated quietly. "I remember." He said looking up and trying to meet the other boys eyes.  "But I was asked..." He trailed off.

Jonghyun shook his head and sighed as he let his body fall into the chair across from Taemin. He scanned him, watching the way he fidgeted nervously. Taemin wasn't one to cry, Jonghyun knew that, but he had learned how to read the sadness on his face that he tried so desperately to conceal. And he could read it now, clearly. Turning his face away he bit his lip and cleared his throat.  It was Taemin's fault all of this had happened. He was the one who spoke out, who told everyone what they had been up to, said that they were in love.  The one who started it all, and somehow it all came crashing down on Jonghyun.  He had corrupted him, he had exposed him to all of this. 

"I'm sorry." Taemin's voice floated across the room breaking Jonghyun from his thoughts. The younger boy stood and followed his words, crouching delicately infront of his elder. "Jonghyun... I'm sorry." He said again.  He reached out and placed his hand on Jonghyun's thigh. An action that caused the other boy to jump slightly and recoil from the touch.

"Taemin." He said with a shake of his head. "I..." He started before closing his mouth and looking away again.  It had been weeks since he had been this close to the boy who he loved, his whole being craved him.  But he was still angry, and bitter.

Taemin shook his head and pulled his hand back. "Jonghyun... I haven't slept, in... in I don't know how long, and I just lay around and I hope..." He cleared his throat. "I hope that you're okay." He said looking down. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I just... I loved.... I love you." The younger boys voice broke. His resistance to his emotions faltering. "I was wrong... I was wrong about everything." He admitted softly.

The older boy looked up, meeting the youngers eyes and holding them finally. He reached out and took his chin his his hand gently, forcing the gaze to last longer than it should have. "I love you Taemin.. I just.. I can't now." He shook his head and dropped his hand. "I can't, because of you I lost everything. I lost it and then! Then! I lost you on top of it all."

"You needed to be strong Jonghyun, we both did."

"I tried!" The older boy barked. "I wasn't strong enough to hold everything as it crumbled."

"And I couldn't be strong enough for the both of us." Taemin said, his voice returning to it's quiet calm tone. He had wished he could be strong for them both, to keep them together, but he wasn't strong enough either.  "I tried Jonghyun."

"What was I supposed to do?" Jonghyun asked his face serious, his tone loud and choked as his throat closed with this new swell of emotion.  Taemin once again met his eyes, this time only for a moment before he stood and moved to sit on the arm of the chair. He pulled the older boy to him pressing Jonghyun's cheek to his chest and wrapping his arms around his neck. "You know I love you..." Jonghyun's voice came, muffled from the fabric of Taemin's shirt. 

Taemin sighed and ran his fingers through Jonghyun's hair. "I love you too, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what you want me to do." He said looking down at the mess of brown hair curled into his chest.

Jonghyun sighed, "I feel horrible." He said and pulled back. "I don't want you to feel like I do, I don't want anybody to feel this way." He said, his eyes meeting the younger boys, his whole body defeated. "Stay.." He said softly.

"What?" Taemin responded, slightly shocked.

"Please... stay." Jonghyun said again, this time leaning up and placing the most delicate and loving of kisses on Taemin's lips. "Stay."