Dear Daebutt,

Kindergarten

We met each other and became friends. It was the day you and I were fighing over a slice of cake. Remember us sharing crayons? And the one day you made me cry when you took my doll away. I still haven’t forgiven you for that. And when we used to make such a ruckus during lunch time! The teacher couldn’t handle the bottomless pit that is our stomach. It was really funny when she would get so stressed out she’d just put us on time out. And either way, we would find something else to do. Like the time we drew each other on the newly painted white walls. Kindergarten was when I first met you and we became close.

First grade

First grade was when we met a lot of new people but we were both still so shy. So, we only hung out with each other. First grade was when you first shared your lunch with me. Although it was just an apple, it was a very kind gesture. My face warms up just by thinking of it. You were so kind..

Second grade

The first day of second grade was when we were beginning to get comfortable with the kids around us. Since we were going to spend the rest of elementary together, we should get to know them, right? You began to hang out with a kid named Himchan. He didn’t like me though. He deemed me with cooties and that wasn’t quite nice, was it? Either way, you both became best friends and he managed to like me. We were the three best friends.

Third grade

That’s when you stood up for me. When the other kids were calling me names, you’d push them away and tell the teacher. You were like my knight in shining armor… or at least what a third grader thought that was.. I also made a new and very imortaant friend, Isabella.

Fourth grade

That’s when we officially became best friends. You, Himchan, and I hung out at school 24/7 and we were known as the three amigos. You also helped me out with math and I’m really grateful for that. The teacher believed in me but not as much as you did. You’d help me whenever you could, even if we’d have to pass notes during tests. We were in it, together.

Fifth grade

We were so excited because the next year we would be sixth graders. You kept talking about how you’d stomp on all out hoobaes and make them respect you to the top. We were also in the same class again! We sat next to each other too so that was really great. Ah, and Dr. Dombrower. Wasn’t she a rain of sunshine? –Note the sarcasm- She absolutely hated us, it was funny. She thought I was a lost cause though. Why would you tell your students they they’re not going to succeed in the future? When I came crying to you and I told you what she had said to me… Your immediate response was, “ her, she doesn’t know your potential” And you made me feel all fuzzy inside.

Sixth grade

We were finally at the top… But you distanced yourself from me. I wondered why but I didn’t bother you since I felt like I was being too clingy. You know? I also started to hang out with Isabella a lot more. You know, that girl I met in third grade. We soon became the best of friends. We’re practically like sisters now. Sixth grade was really fun because of the activities and the field days. But you seemed to hang out with Himchan and a guy named Youngjae more often. People sneered at me because you weren’t around to protect me any longer. That really hurt. All my life I’d had self-esteem issues and this sunk me down to the bottom. One day I had grabbed a blade from the bathroom. You know those kinds that are in razors? Yeah those and I made a cut in my leg. It didn’t make me feel a whole lot better but it somehow relieved some stuff.

Seventh grade

I was so nervous when I entered seventh grade. It was a whole new school and I had seven classes a day! I thought I’d get lost on the first day. But with help from an 8^th grader, Anthony, I made it through. By now we were really separated. We hardly even talked and my thighs were full of scars and new wounds as well. Isabella found out and she got so mad. She helped me through it but the whole time I thought about you. Why wasn’t my best friend here by my side? Had he found someone better? I was in a state of depression for a while and in the second semester; we were seated beside each other in health class. Over the years of being away from you, I had developed social awkwardness.

So, I didn’t talk to you and you didn’t seem to bother talking to me. That really hurt me inside. One day when I went to class I made the mistake of cutting myself in the morning and wearing shorts. Due to the walking in the morning my skin had cut open and my legs were very bloody by the time I was in second period. I think it was a one-four schedule. How I had gone the whole morning not noticing the blood, I didn’t know. Why people didn’t tell me, I still don’t know. But you noticed it. You seemed so worried it made me blush. You were so caring and since then you watched over me. Like a guardian angel. Then one day when you were walking me home, your hand brushed against mine. That day was the day I realized my feelings towards you. I pushed them back though, they seemed stupid. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

Eighth grade

You and I got back to being best friends again. It felt so good to have my best friend back and I just felt over elated. I introduced you to the other friends I had made in seventh grade. You seemed to like Sooah more than me. I thought little of it since we weren’t dating or anything and I had no right to be jealous. You shared your lunch with her, like you used to do with me. You protected her, like you protected me. You walked her home, like you did to me. You didn’t do it anymore though. You paid more attention to her and you began calling me by me real name again. You always teased me by calling me Babe, jagi, or yeobo. But now you just called me by my plain old name. You’d say it so unemotionaly. I wondered what I did wrong. You started calling Sooah your babe. I got furious and one day she confronted me. She said she’d only become my friend to get to you. Eighth grade was bull for me.

I hung out with Isabella even more and everyone at school actually thought we were sisters. Whenever people would talk about me, Isabella would be included and vice versa. And then my grades dropped again. I was afraid to ask for your help though. I thought you’d just shrug me off and go to Sooah so I just wanted to avoid further embarrassment and abandonment. With Isabella’s help I went from a 2.7 to a 4.0 GPA! Isn’t that great? I went to go tell you but I found you kissing Sooah. I dropped my books and my eyes filled with tears. Do you know how much that hurt? You never noticed my feelings and you were with someone who you’ve known only two months, rather than being with the girl you’ve known almost all your life. It hurt so much and when you heard the thud you turned around and Sooah was just smirking, giving me a y look. You tried to ask what was wrong but I couldn’t listen to you. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t feel anything. I finally gathered up the courage to go up to Sooah and punch her right in the face. What I didn’t expect though, you protected her. That shattered my heart even more.

Ninth grade

I wasn’t exited to get into a new school. Taylor and Isabella had introduced me to a website called Tumblr. At first I thought it was only for white girls who are so overly dramatic and take pictures of their Starbucks orders. But I looked into it and found people that weren’t so bad. One of the people I follow, her name is Peyton Lee and her URL is ‘thatsmoderatlyraven’ she was a big help to me. She told me a lot about life in highschool and not to expect much since it’s never how they portray it in dramas. Another girl that helped me, her name is Molly and her URL was “msjewbooty”. I think she changed it to “pbbbtht” though. I don’t understand why though, it was funnier before. She always cheered me up and made me feel happy. You know how people say that the friends you make on the internet aren’t real friends? I disagree. They’re as much of a friend as Isabella and Taylor were.

Tenth grade

Tenth grade passed and I was still the same. I still cut my thighs and I did the same mistake I made in seventh grade. I cut in the morning because I was feeling ty and I wore light blue jeans. Of course the blood seeped through and you stopped me in the hallway to ask what was wrong and why I was doing it. Since you were on the school’s basketball team you let me borrow your basketball shorts. I didn’t want to accept them though because I didn’t want to bother you. You insisted and I gave up. That whole day people kept staring at me for wearing your shorts. They kept saying that Sooah was the one who should have been wearing them. They thought that since you two were going out. During a class before lunch I had had enough of people whispering about me. I asked my teacher if I could be dismissed and he hesitantly let me go. I went to the garden by the back of the school. You know, that really beautiful one. I sat there and I cried. I cried like I’ve never cried before. One of your basketball teammates, Yongguk, came and asked me what was wrong.

I didn’t want to tell him but I sort of let it out. Everything from kindergarten till now. He hugged me and told me to let it all out. I was really grateful he listened to me. Ever since then he helped me out a lot and he confessed to me one day. I said no, unfortunately. He understood because I still had feelings towards you. We stayed friends though. And that’s when I met the rest of the basketball team. Himchan, Jongup, Youngjae, and Zelo were so nice to me. You seemed to fume up when Himchan called me his sweetheart though. I didn’t understand why. You had Sooah, why would you be jealous of us? You got even madder when the others began calling me names. Youngjae called me a rare beauty, Jongup called me the light of his day, Zelo called me his baby noona, and Yongguk called me his babe. Like how you used to do.

One day when we were all talking Himchan put his arm around me and you looked like you were about to burst. You quickly stood up from your spot next to Sooah and grabbed my hand. You pulled me up and dragged me to the locker room. You kept telling me about how I was being a and flirting with the guys. I felt hurt and I pushed you away. You kept saying “I’m your best friend; I know whats best for you.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I told you that these past years you didn’t bother talking to me or paying attention. I confessed to you. I told you how much I loved you and that it hurt when you ignored me.

The last two years of high school,

you were nice and cold to me. You broke up with Sooah when you realized that she was a , took you long enough. You hung out with me more. It was all going fine but I knew because I confessed, you wouldn’t see me the same. Well, Isabella and I are going to an art university in Korea. That’s why I’m writing this letter to you. I want to say a final goodbye. You’ve been there for me most of the time and I’m grateful for that. I love you, Jung Daehyun. I wished we could be like how we were when we first met but that won’t happen, right? I hope you live a good life. I hope people treat you well. I hope you’ll get far. You have a very nice voice; you should audition for a group sometime. Have fun in life, I love you.

From, a friend who loves you very much. But you managed to net see her the same way.

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ahh i feels good to let it out~

this is directed towards someone but i'm too chicken to tell them so heres a story! LOOL yeah

ok i guess this is it.

i appreciate upvotes, comments, and subscribers<3
byeeee~
~jewfeRds