It’s Myungsoo’s first day on the job and he’s always been a little afraid of new territory but he eases into it rather quickly once he’s met his co-worker - a boy a year younger than him with chocolate brown hair and milky white skin. His name is Sungjong and he’s fairly sweet, he smiles a lot and his voice is soft, Myungsoo already likes him a lot. Sungjong shows Myungsoo around the office and explains all the little details from the way the coffee machine may break or to the way the ladies on the upper floor might cause a fire from all the cigarettes they smoke.

“There isn’t a smoke room?” Myungsoo asks and he can feel the weight of his own carton of cigarettes in his pocket.

“There is,” Sungjong explains, “But most people just don’t even bother using it.”

-

The city is laden with white fog and it always seems to be depressing around here or rather - calm. Myungsoo finds it calming, like a myriad of pianos could go off into a ballad at any moment and it would suffice to the damp weather outside. He likes it a lot and paints several images in his head of getting to kiss Sungjong under light sprays of rain water, but he figures as feminine as Sungjong is, he probably isn’t as gay as Myungsoo is.

Sungjong is nice though and talks to Myungsoo a lot and Myungsoo likes staring at him because he’s so flawless and beautiful and Myungsoo wishes he could bring his camera to work sometimes to just snap as many photos as he can of Sungjong.

He’s probably already falling for the younger.

-

The fall of rain soothes Myungsoo as he lazily pours fresh coffee into a cup, the smell makes him wake up a little and the heat that emits from it feels nice against his icey fingers.

“Is there still some left?” He hears from behind him and Myungsoo realizes that there is another male in the room.

“Yeah,” Myungsoo says and then pours some into a clean mug for the stranger.

Tall, thin, and light brown hair is what Myungsoo first notices.

-

Myungsoo takes Sungjong out on a date and it ends horribly. Apparently there isn’t any real chemistry and Sungjong suggests they just stay friends and Myungsoo feels a little heartbroken but he doesn’t let it get to him that much.

That night he runs into Sungyeol who’s sitting under a tree and trying to count how many couples pass by. Myungsoo doesn’t know what to do or say but he stops by and asks if something’s wrong and Sungyeol wordlessly smiles at him - gummy and addictive - and tells him that nothing’s wrong and so Myungsoo stays with him all night under the tree and watches the couples pass by with Sungyeol and suddenly he feels like this is what he should have been doing in the first place.

-

Green is the color of spring and the color Myungsoo can see reflected in Sungyeol’s eyes. Granted, Sungyeol’s eyes are brown and no where close to green but Myungsoo can see the pretty shade in Sungyeol’s eyes whenever the other smiles. It’s so pretty and Myungsoo likes it a lot.

They go out for coffee and talk about books and Myungsoo smokes and Sungyeol watches him and they eat fancy foods and play soccer and Myungsoo takes pictures of Sungyeol and Sungyeol makes jokes for Myungsoo and they just both start to grow closer and closer.

-

The day Myungsoo meets Sungyeol’s fiance feels like it’s hell.

Her name is Hwayoung and she’s as old as Sungjong and is a rich, pretty girl who smiles softly at Sungyeol and makes little teasing jokes with him in the form of whispers. She’s known Sungyeol since the beginning of time itself and Sungyeol’s a rich kid too, his dad is the CEO of the company Myungsoo works for and that’s how Sungyeol offords to treat Myungsoo to nice lunches. Hwayoung is lovely though, she’s sweet to Myungsoo too and she loves Sungyeol and Myungsoo figures that that’s enough.

He wonders if Sungyeol loves her just as much. He wonders if Sungyeol will get married to her and start a family with her and be happy.

-

Sometimes Myungsoo goes over to Sungyeol’s house and they play card games over soju and Myungsoo wishes he could kiss the alcohol right off of Sungyeol’s lips and mark him with his own. Myungsoo wishes he could run his hands over Sungyeol and the beauty marks that fill his left side, he wants to dig his fingers into that soft brown hair and burn red marks onto Sungyeol’s nape with his mouth. He squirms in his seat and wishes Sungyeol could be his.

-

Sungyeol is so endearing to Myungsoo. He’s so perfect and handsome and sincere that Myungsoo can’t help but like him more and more as each day passes. It rains a lot and Myungsoo always seems to forget an umbrella, but Sungyeol is by his side with gummy smiles and car rides home and Myungsoo discovers the perks of being best friends with the CEO’s son.

He smokes silently in the smoke room which is behind glass walls and the carpet is a light shade of green and Myungsoo inhales and exhales and inhales and exhales. He’s joined by another man who seems unfamiliar but he only bows in his direction and continues smoking. The man is in his late fifties and after a while he says to Myungsoo, “You’re the one who comes to the house.”

Myungsoo is taken by surprise but he finally realizes who this man must be, his boss - Sungyeol’s dad.

Lee Sungyeol’s father isn’t anything like his son, he’s harsh around the lines and blunt and way too serious but Myungsoo listens to him intently when he starts to speak fondly of his son. He talks about the way that Sungyeol enjoys wasting time when he should be working, how he’s been engaged to Hwayoung since they were children and that right now is the perfect time to finally have a wedding. He tells Myungsoo about the time Sungyeol broke his nose on the pull up bar at home one time and had to go to the hospital and the other time when Sungyeol ran away from home to go volunteer at a preschool when he was supposed to be attending his younger brother’s violin recital.

“Honestly,” his dad sighs as he takes a long drag from his cigarette, “That kid has no sense of responsibility. I’m a bit worried to leave the place in his hands.”

But Myungsoo offers a smile because he thinks otherwise, “Sungyeol’s a great person. He’ll do wonders.”

His dad eyes Myungsoo before grunting and then standing to leave, “Take good care of him, will ya?”

-

They fall asleep on the couch watching an old western cowboy movie that Myungsoo had rented and Sungyeol’s knee digs into Myungsoo’s thigh, but other than that, it’s a peaceful sleep. It’s raining outside again and it always is.

Myungsoo can feel Sungyeol’s warm breath on him and he imagines green flickering against Sungyeol’s eyes too. Myungsoo buries his head into Sungyeol’s shoulder and breathes in every scent of him - mint and the sweet scent of Sungyeol himself. Myungsoo isn’t sure if Sungyeol is awake or not, but he couldn’t care less as he snuggles closer and basks in the short moment they get to have together.

In the morning, they wake up with sore limbs from sleeping on the couch and somehow, Myungsoo finds that he’s been kicked off onto the floor. Sungyeol laughs and his hair is messy and parted funny and Myungsoo imagines brushing it through with his fingers. After they both wash up, Sungyeol gets a call from his mom and he excuses himself immediately to the hospital.

-

The funeral of Sungyeol’s father is a large one, there’s many people there who look like important business men and there’s also a lot of what seems to be family members there too. Sungyeol’s sitting by his mother in a sleek black suit with his hair combed to the side and Hwayoung is also present. Myungsoo feels like a stranger here because he had only spoken to Sungyeol’s father once and also, he doesn’t really know anyone here either. He sees Sungjong and Howon and Dongwoo, but other than them, he is alone.

He pays his respects rather quickly and begins to leave when Sungyeol pulls at his sleeve and forces him to sit with him. Myungsoo’s surprised at first because he shouldn’t be sitting up here with the family members, but Sungyeol doesn’t care and everyone else doesn’t either and so for the rest of the funeral he is Sungyeol’s personal armrest.

Sungyeol doesn’t cry at all and it rains and rains and rains outside and when it’s dark and people are returning home, Sungyeol makes Myungsoo wait for him in his room while he drops Hwayoung off at her home. When Sungyeol returns, he clenches his teeth and balls his fists up in the fabric of his black suit and Myungsoo grabs his hand and loosens it before holding it and then Sungyeol lets all the held back tears out.

-

It seems to be too late for Myungsoo now. Three years in and it’s too late for him to back out. He’s in love with Sungyeol, he already knows he is. He can’t tell what Sungyeol’s thinks of him, but he knows it doesn’t matter. Sungyeol is the CEO now and Myungsoo doesn’t fit into that picture, he never really has. Myungsoo knows how impossible it is for them, because they’re both males and Sungyeol is engaged and has to carry his father’s company on, he has to get married and have a son to do the same for him as well. Sungyeol has to be weighed down by birthright burdens and Myungsoo is just the black speck misplaced onto the white canvas.

He knows that this is when he has to pretend now. Myungsoo has to pretend to always be Sungyeol’s best friend or nothing.

He wishes he wouldn’t have to, but Myungsoo realizes he wishes for a lot of things that don’t come true.

Pretending is all he has.

i should be renamed as one who tortures kim myungsoo too much in her fics. i swear to gosh i have never meant to make myungsoo the victim in so many of my fics. he just always ends up in that position. maybe i'm just forever mad at the myungyeol fandom for usually always hurting yeol in some way so this is me making up for all the countelss fics where yeol has been hurt one way or another. i also never planned for this random prequel to be made, but here it is! it's been a while since i wrote pretend so the feeling of the story may have shifted and of course my writing may have changed dramatically, but oh well. as long as the angst is still there then it's cool. this prequel is pretty random and i hate that i wrote it because it sort of takes away from the original .-. this is why you guys shouldn't ask me to write sequels.