“You knew, you were with him at the studio, but you just drove away?”

Sehun looks down at the dull wooden kitchen floor. “Jongin-”

The other dancer paces agitatedly in front of the stove. “He was there in the backseat, Sehun. Kyungsoo was crying and he told me he loved me. Why didn’t you stop?” Jongin pauses with his back turned to his friend.

The other man digs the nails of his right hand into his palm. He doesn’t know what to say. “It’s for the best.”

Jongin’s shoulders tremble. “How could you?”

“I don’t think you understand, but Kyungsoo is-”

“He wanted me!” The words rip out of Jongin’s throat and scatter on the floor. “Kyungsoo wanted me. That’s why he came to the dance studio, isn’t it? Then why, why, did you take him away?”

Sehun sighs- that’s all he seems to be doing these days around Jongin. Just sighing. “I can’t tell you-”

“Why is it that whenever I ask you something about Kyungsoo, I end up with more questions than answers?” Sehun stays silent and Jongin uses the heels of his shaking hands to cover his face. “You don’t know, of course, because Chanyeol is by your side. You don’t know how much I feel like whenever I see you two kissing or whispering into each other’s ears. You don’t know how much I hurt everyday.” He whips around and Sehun can’t hold in his gasp.

The skin around Jongin’s eyes are bloated and red, and tears are creating a pathway of pain down his tan cheeks. His pupils are watery and dilated and his face has pink blotches. He looks awful- the perfect picture of a broken heart that doesn’t know how much more it has to shatter. Sehun’s never seen his best friend like this before.

“All I want is Kyungsoo. Time to love him and time for him to explain what the hell has been going on for the past five months.”

Sehun crouches down and wraps thin arms around Jongin, whose chest is heaving as more tears spill down his face and collect on the kitchen floor.

He knows Jongin won’t have any of it- Kyungsoo, time, or an explanation. Because we don’t always get what we want. Life usually throws at us the opposite.

Halloween.

Jongin doesn’t even know why kids pay attention to this American holiday in particular. Probably because of the free candy.

He plops himself down on a park bench and watches as witches, cats, and vampires parade around the sidewalks with colorful pillowcases bulging with candy. A smile twists up the corner of his mouth. It’s like a circus- all the freaks come out to play, with garish red lips and plastic fangs.

He sees two fourth grade pirates poke at each other with styrofoam swords, giggling and shoving Smarties in their mouths, and then Jongin realizes why Halloween is such a big deal besides the sweets. Halloween is a day where all the kids can relax and have fun, a day where for once, they become someone or something else. It’s why Jongin himself had liked Halloween so much when he was in elementary school. He was able to growl at his friends and at the old ladies who opened the doors with a bowl of Snickers and nobody would think he had rabies because he was dressed as a werewolf.

For one day, you lend your identity to something else.

If only Jongin had met Kyungsoo as a ghost, an eyesmile visible behind two choppy holes in the white sheet. Kyungsoo would grin at him with plastic fangs and hook an arm around Jongin’s shoulder with his velvet cape swishing against the ground.

If only they didn’t have to be who they are now.

A middle-aged man stabs at the leaves littering his lawn mercilessly with a dull green rake. A mini mountain of red, gold, and brown forms maybe ten feet in front of his house.

The leaves are dry and brittle and they fall apart when the man’s children run home from the bus stop and promptly jump into the pile. Their father scolds them but he has a smile on his face. He crouches down to whisper to his sons and take them both by the hand to lead them to the front door.

Kyungsoo looks down at the leaf dust under his feet and frowns. Chanyeol is taking time off of his shift to accompany Kyungsoo to the various places he wants to visit, to breathe in fresh air for probably the last time before his health can take a turn for the worst.

November 1 and the majority of the leaves have sailed to the ground, crackling under Kyungsoo’s navy blue sneakers. They crunch loudly as he makes his way to a doorstep and knocks hesitantly.

A woman with grey streaks in her smooth black bun answers the door. “Who is it- Kyungsoo?”

The young man hesitantly nods and his mother reaches out to hug him, tears collecting in her eyes. Chanyeol stands off to the side and watches fondly with a twinge of sadness. Kyungsoo can’t remember this woman who had been with him since birth, teaching him how to cook, helping him with algebra homework, supporting him ever since he graduated high school; he can’t remember the woman who loves him. Kyungsoo doesn’t remember his mother.

She knows, and that’s why she doesn’t hold onto him quite as long as she wanted. Wiping her cheeks, Mrs Do ushers the two in. “I was just making myself an early lunch,” she explains, shutting the door behind Chanyeol. “Would you boys like miso soup and rice?”

The doctor accepts but Kyungsoo shakes his head no. He’s on some weird meds right now that are making his stomach feeling kinda fuzzy, like the vibrations that run down your leg when your phone’s in your pocket and someone texts you, so he thinks it’s wise not to eat anything at the moment.

Mrs Do ladles out large portions of soup and rice in two bowls before setting them on the kitchen table in front of Chanyeol. She wipes her hands on her apron, unties the knot, and drapes it over an empty chair. “So what brings you here?”

Chanyeol puts down his spoon even though he’s only taken two mouthfuls. “Mrs Do, I think we should talk somewhere… more private,” he says, glancing at Kyungsoo, who is idly staring off into space. Mrs Do’s lips press into a tight line and her eyes start to water again.

“Soo, why don’t you follow me to your room?” She guides Kyungsoo up the stairs and tells him to open the pale blue door before settling down across from Chanyeol.

The doctor’s professional front drops. When he looks up at Kyungsoo’s mother, she can see the fear and heartbreak reflecting in his scared brown eyes.

“How long?” she whispers. Chanyeol shakes his head.

“Two weeks, if he’s lucky,” he replies. His voice cracks on the ‘lucky’. Mrs Do reaches over the table and grips Chanyeol’s hands. “Today is probably his last time being able to stay outside for over an hour.”

The grieving woman across from him withdraws her hand and uses it to wipe at her eyes. “First Daeryeong, and now Kyungsoo,” she mumbles.

Chanyeol looks down at the lavender tablecloth. Do Daeryeong died only three years ago. It won’t be easy to lose another so soon and thinking about her husband makes Mrs Do hurt all over. Kyungsoo was in pain, too. But he doesn’t remember how it feels to hurt anymore.

“Does Jongin know?” she asks after what feels like hours.

Chanyeol hesitates, then shakes his head.

“Why not?”

He fills her in on everything that happened in the past couple months- the diagnosis, the breakup, the move to his and Sehun’s house, everything. “Kyungsoo doesn’t want Jongin to know,” Chanyeol sighs. “He thinks it’s going to hurt him too much.”

Mrs Do rolls her eyes. “That’s my son, selfless but selfish at the same time.” She reaches out for Chanyeol’s hand again. They grip each other tightly.

“I wish he knew,” she says. “Of course I love you, Chanyeol, but Jongin is…” Mrs Do doesn’t finish her sentence but she doesn’t need to. Chanyeol knows what she means and isn’t offended. Kim Jongin was going to be her son-in-law. He was the closest to her besides Kyungsoo, and now, they can’t share their heartache together.

They sit in still silence for a few seconds when Mrs Do stands. “We should probably bring Kyungsoo down now,” she explains. “No use in being cooped up in his room when this is his last day.”

She opens the door to find Kyungsoo flipping through the laminated pages of the family picture book, photos of Kyungsoo and his parents together in almost all of them. The rest are just of him- at his college graduation, first day of high school, and a chubby-cheeked smile at the camera.

Mrs Do remembers the day Kyungsoo introduced Jongin as his boyfriend, and with a gleam in her eye, showed Jongin every single baby picture she could get her hands on. Kyungsoo whined and fake-sobbed into Jongin’s chest, but his boyfriend insisted that Kyungsoo was the cutest person he’d ever laid eyes on. Jongin laughed and pecked Kyungsoo’s pouting lips, reassuring him that he was perfect and his mother was amazing.

It was then that Mrs Do realized that Kim Jongin is the best choice for her son. For three years she’s waited for the big day to arrive, the day that one of them gets on one knee with a smile and a sparkling ring. She’s waited, but the big day will never come.

The two men walk side by side out of the house. Quiet. Not speaking. What is there to say, anyway?

“I missed her a lot.”

Kyungsoo’s voice cuts through the thick silence and Chanyeol’s head snaps up.

“I don’t remember her,” he continues. “But I felt it. Inside my heart. I missed her.”

“What else do you miss?” Chanyeol asks. He thinks of Sehun.

Kyungsoo ponders for a moment. “Summer,” he answers. “I miss it a lot now that I know I’m never going to see it again. And I know I’m going to miss walking around like this freely without a hospital gown on. I miss you and Sehun when you’re not in my room to keep my company. Kimchi stew is a big one, too.”

Chanyeol laughs. “Yeah, sorry, hospital cooks don’t do a good job, huh?”

The other man shrugs. Chanyeol stares at the movement. He’s thin, so thin… His collarbones and shoulders look like they’re going to pop out of his skin.

“I miss Jongin, too. I miss a lot of things, but I miss him the most. I always will. Do you think, when I die, that he’ll miss me somehow? That maybe he’ll feel that thing in his heart like I did with Mom, and think of me even if he doesn’t know I’m gone?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol replies, “he will.”

Their souls are woven together, each other’s names whispered and imprinted onto their skin, so how could his response be a lie?

Kyungsoo beams at him and takes his hand. “Let’s go to the park! Bring Sehun with- we’ll need a party pooper if you and I start having too much fun together.”

Chanyeol laughs and agrees, skipping with Kyungsoo down the path, not caring that they look like idiots and pretending not to notice the leaves breaking apart under their feet.

A/N: okay yeah hey guys. i'm really sorry for not updating for a month. it was hard to motivate myself and i was getting nowhere when iactually managed to.

you guys deserve an explanation along with like a billion more chapters but i can only give an explanation at the moment so here goes: my grandmother's been sick for a while, and my family has been to korea to visit her a while ago (i'm still in korea but i'm flying back tomorrow, yo) and we thought she was recovering, but after two weeks of problems with her lungs, she passed away. her funeral was yesterday and i'm flying back to the states tomorrow.

thanks for waiting and thanks for your support.

sorry if this chapter was kind of bad i pretty much jsut vomited it out