check out the A/N on the bottom of chapter 4 again to see the meanings behind the flowers jongin had in the bouquet. i forgot to add them last time.

Memories filter in and out of his head like trickling water.

Kyungsoo tries to grasp at them and hold them down, even if they hurt. But they always drip through the gaps between his fingers and into the dark where he can’t see them anymore.

His memories are the tide- rushing up to the shore and flowing away over and over and Kyungsoo is so frustrated that he doesn’t sleep for days.

When Amber finds out, she sticks a needle in him again.

Kyungsoo doesn’t think that she’s nice anymore.

Even though summer is dead, it’s still warm and Kyungsoo pads to the small window in his white room and pries it open. A breeze that smells a little like sugar cookies wafts in and he giggles, sticking his head outside and closing his eyes.

Kyungsoo hasn’t felt this peaceful in a long time- even chatting with Chanyeol and Sehun doesn’t make him this happy or relaxed.

He stretches out his arms, letting them hang out the window. He just slouches there for a good ten minutes. Late afternoon sunlight turns the edges of his brown hair into a deep red and there’s just a feeling inside of him, a whisper, telling Kyungsoo that there won’t ever be a blissful moment like this again.

“Kyungsoo-ssi, it’s time for dinner.”

Reluctantly, he takes one last whiff of the world’s air and prepares himself to close the window and go back to his bed where it’s cold and silent and nothing ever happens.

But before Amber can yank his head back into the safety of the room, Kyungsoo meets eyes with a familiar-looking tan male, with long limbs and a graceful air to his step. The brunet’s heart beats faster. Is this... Kim Jongin?

“Kyungsoo-ssi, I must insist.”

There’s a sharp tug on his hand and Kyungsoo watches a single, orange leaf detach itself from the tree branch hanging in Jongin’s face and drift lazily to the ground. It is soon joined by another.

Just wait until the leaves fall.

The window slams shut.

Because that’s when I will.

“I swear to god, I saw him. He was looking out of the window and our eyes met.”

Sehun sighs. “You must have been hallucinating, Jongin. Kyungsoo isn’t even in Seoul right now. He moved to a different province.”

The other dancer shakes his head angrily. “No, I saw him. Kyungsoo saw me too, and he smiled at me, and why is he in a hospital, Sehun?”

“He’s not,” the other responds heatedly. “And what were you doing there yesterday, anyway? Gyeong-go is like an hour away from your new apartment.”

“I just wanted to visit you guys-”

“You can do that when we’re both at home, don’t interrupt Chanyeol while he’s at work,” Sehun cuts in. “And Kyungsoo hyung is not in the hospital, Jongin. I know you miss him, but it’s not safe for you to stay inside your dreams. Pretending that he’s every man you see isn’t going to change a thing.” He gets up from the park bench without a word and walks off into the direction of his house.

Jongin scowls. “It was Kyungsoo. I know it was.”

But now he’s not so sure. Could Sehun be right? Maybe he’s just going out of his mind, trying to find him. And even if that was Kyungsoo in the hospital, it’s not like he’s going to stay in there for a long time. Perhaps it’s just a check-up- or just not Do Kyungsoo at all.

The dancer massages his forehead and stands up. He should go back to his apartment. The nights are getting colder now that it’s nearing the middle of September.

A red leaf falls onto the path in front of him.

“He saw you yesterday,” Sehun announces, plopping down on Kyungsoo’s bed. “Leaning out of the window.”

The older male scratches his head. “Excuse me, but-”

“My name is Oh Sehun and I’m one of your best friends,” the blond drones.

Kyungsoo frowns and something falls into place. “Are you friends with the smiley giant man?”

Sehun’s lips twitch. “Chanyeol? Yeah, we’re dating.”

“I see,” the shorter man replies. “Then who’s Kim Jongin?”

Sehun sighs and runs his fingers through Kyungsoo’s short brown hair. “Just someone.”

Kyungsoo scowls and flinches away. “Stop touching me. And why is everyone so vague? Nobody will tell me who Jongin is.”

The younger man places a hand on Kyungsoo’s slender shoulder. “I don’t think you want to know, hyung.”

“Stop touching me. I do want to know! Because I love him and I’m pretty sure he loves me and we watched dramas together and held hands and I cooked for him and he let me watch him dance- there are so many things we’ve done and I don’t understand why we have to be separated just because I’m in a hospital. Chanyeol said I would get better. He said the doctors would fix me!”

Sehun rubs a hand across his forehead. “Hyung...”

The wide-eyed man bites his lip. “I... I’m not getting fixed, aren’t I.”

“No, hyung.”

“Then... how long?”

“Maybe until mid-November,” Sehun replies. Seeing the look on Kyungsoo’s face, he grabs the older male’s hands frantically. “But the doctors say it could be a little after Christmas! They’ll perform brain surgery and they’ll get the tumor removed!”

Sehun’s not telling the truth and they both know it. The tumor is growing rapidly and surgery will be a failure. Do Kyungsoo will be in a coffin by the time Christmas dawns on South Korea.

Kyungsoo pulls his hands away sharply. “Don’t touch me. And don’t lie.” He turns his face away to look out the window so Sehun won’t notice his tears.

He sees them anyway.

“Excuse me, but I’m looking for a patient?”

The receptionist looks up from her computer screen with pursed lips. “What relationship do you have with the patient?”

Jongin furrows his eyebrows. What are they anymore? Not lovers, not friends, not anything. “Oh, uh, he’s an acquaintance of mine.”

“Name?” she asks, sounding bored.

“Do-”

“Jongin! What are you doing here?”

He looks up and is promptly blinded by rows of perfect white teeth (it seems that the receptionist is also pretty shocked because she keeps fanning herself and giggling).

“I thought you were at the studio,” Chanyeol continues, pushing his short hair back. “What’s up?”

Jongin fidgets for a moment before answering. “I want to visit Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol’s smile fades. “Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah, I mean, I was going to visit you here two days ago and I thought I saw Kyungsoo leaning out of the window? I told Sehun about it but he said I was hallucinating,” Jongin says with a frown.

The tall doctor makes a “hmm” sound. “I guess you were, because Kyungsoo isn’t here.”

Jongin slumps against the receptionist’s desk (earning an indignant squawk) dejectedly. “You too? But I’m so sure that it was him,” he mutters helplessly. “Am I going crazy?”

“If you want, I could get you a room by my office,” Chanyeol says with a straight face.

The dancer swipes at him. “It’s not funny, you elf.” He sighs. “Tell me if, you know, Kyungsoo mentions me or wants to talk or something,” he mumbles. “See you later.”

He’s in the elevator going down to the first floor when he hears someone shout “Smiley giant man!” It’s the voice he’s been wanting to hear for the past few weeks and Jongin presses the “door open” button frantically.

But the doors close anyway and Jongin rests his head against the cool metal walls of the elevator. It probably wasn’t Kyungsoo. What reason would he have to say “Smiley giant man”? If he was referring to Chanyeol, then Kyungsoo would’ve used his actual name.

Maybe Jongin is going crazy.

It’s almost October and all of the leaves have turned warm shades of brown, orange, and red. The colors of fall are beautiful.

However, because of this beauty, Kyungsoo’s time left is diminishing. It’s as if a grain of sand falls into the bottom of an hourglass for every leaf that turns a brilliant ruby or pumpkin orange.

He smiles, though. He makes sure he lifts up the corners of his lips and shows his teeth just like Chanyeol because Kyungsoo knows that if he lets even one tear drop, then he won’t ever stop crying.

Of course he can’t keep his walls up all the time. He’s limp in Chanyeol’s arms, the moonlight creating fragments of blue shadows on his cheeks, sobbing. The memories pound against his brain relentlessly and usually Kyungsoo would welcome them- but tonight, he can only see Jongin.

“Why,” Kyungsoo cries. “Why can’t I remember you and Sehun when you guys have been doing nothing but taking care of me? What’s the point of having Alzheimer’s when I’m always remembering Jongin? It hurts, Chanyeol, it hurts. Why can’t I forget him?”

Chanyeol doesn’t have an answer. The only comfort he can bring is in the form of a soothing hand on Kyungsoo’s back when the older man retches into the toilet, but it’s not enough. It won’t ever be enough.

A/N: sorry that i'm a piece of who didn't update in over a week.

and apologies that this chapter is kinda short. i wanted to make it longer for you guys but i ran out of inspiration and i didn't want you to wait even longer than you have already. thanks for being patient~

i'll be back to edit this later. and i hope you guys can be satisfied with this tidbit before i update again... hopefully soon orz