The Answer I Needed

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Hi, my name is Lee Donghae, I’m in the last year of high school. Now that I thought back, time passed really fast… we’re graduating in less than two months and it felt like it’s just been yesterday when my friends and I decided to apply for the same high school here. And of course… the first time when I notice this one person I never talk to… and see him as a man since then…

He is Lee Hyukjae. From what I knew, we never talk before to us through he is Kyuhyun’s friend and he often join us hanging out somewhere together. But when we reached our first year of the senior year, things started to changed… especially when he was seated in front of me beside my bestfriend, Sungmin.

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It all started two years ago when the teacher decided to choose the seat for us and I was quiet lucky because Sungmin sit just right in front of me through the nerd beside me was really annoying. But then the teacher just have to place that Hyukjae kid in front of me which kind of awkward since both me and Sungmin never talk to him. But Sungmin still try to talk to him nevertheless.

“Hey, Lee Hyukjae is it? I’m Sungmin and this is Donghae! I believe you know us from the group right? I often see you around with Kyu!” Sungmin said, offering him his hand and a bright smile. He smiles back softly before taking his hand and shook it then turn to me and bow a little with the same smile.

Few days later we eventually got closer then before. Well, by closer you could say that him and Sungmin talk a lot during lessons while we bickered and teased each other a lot. There even a time where I threw him my shoe-which leave a nice print-to his back when he teased me about my height. And soon I found out that we have a lot in common; he loves dancing, I do too. He’s good at rapping, I am too. He dreams to be a famous idol; I do too. And since then, we often have a battle on who would be the best and we often have a battle dancing or rapping in front of class.

Months passed, we stick like a glue everytime we met. Our classmates even teachers always teased us about it and say that we made a good couple together. Our personalities matched each others and we have a lot in common too which make us looks even better together.

He then told me that he like this one girl from our class; Jessica is her name. He keep saying that Jessica is so perfect and he’s head over heels for her. He tried to court her but he was dumped pathetically by her yet he still try to get her. I was always there… scolding him for being too idiot in love and telling him that there’s still a lot of girls out there when he was broken hearted. I thought that I was just concern about him… I thought it’s normal for me to hate each and every girls he like because I’m his bestfriend and I do not like to see my friend sad… but little did I know, I was jealous and that little feeling started to grow to something I didn’t understand that time.

I didn’t know why but as times passed, he’s more clingy to me than usually… not that I was complaining about it but he’s not usually like that to me.

Then one night, he kept asking me who do I like. He said that I was acting weird lately that I kept smiling to myself during the lessons alone. And he said that it’s the sign of people who are in love. He kept pushing me to tell him who is that person with a reason that there shouldn’t be a secret between bestfriends. I sighed, I was well known that the person I have been crushing on lately was him. I wasn’t sure about my feeling but I was sure that the reasons behind those smiles lately was him.

He never gives up and kept asking me until it’s two in the morning and I decided to give him an answer.

Well… Obviously the person wasn’t you.

And I knew it sounded so stupid that even Yesung who was usually slow on things like this could take the hint by that sentence. He reply to my text few minutes with such a shocking content.

Hae, I like you… be my lover?

And I got the shock of my life. Part of me was telling me to follow my heart and accept him but part of me saying that that might be a prank. I rejected him that night with a reason that I didn’t believe him and he eventually laughed it off saying I wasn’t tricked. I thought everything was okay and back to normal… I thought.

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The next few weeks, you weren’t yourself. At least not to me. You rarely talk to me anymore, you obviously tried to avoid me and that surely make me sad. I wasn’t myself either those days when you avoided me. I didn’t know what I feel but it didn’t felt pleasant at all.

You started to changed since then and I hate how you changed. And I hate myself too that you might changed because of me. I was so stupid and I’m sorry.

At the end of our first year, puberty hit once again and you turned from the shy and childish Lee Hyukjae to a cool, cold, handsome and a Casanova Lee Eunhyuk. The Lee Hyukjae who was always being called ugly duckling was now a beautiful swan. Girls even guys were all over you. I remember that time when I used to comfort you when you got rejected by the girls you like because you’re ugly. But in my eyes, you’re never once ugly. But this time there’s not even a person who dare to reject you anymore. You have been a sweet talker ever since then. I didn’t know what I was feeling right then seeing you changed that way. You never hang around us again started then. And how you didn’t even spare me a glance when we passed by each other. It hurts me, so much.

So one day, I decided to lock myself up at my room, thinking. I was so confused with my own feeling until Sungmin shows up saying that he confessed to you and you gladly accepted him, my own bestfriend.

Just then, I realized what I’ve been feeling when Sungmin went out of my door an hour later… when the first tears I ever shed to somebody aside my family fall… when my heart clenched painfully almost suffocating me… that it’s love.

Bu