“Let’s end it.”

“Why?” he ask with a whimper.

“I want a family.”

The redhair lowers his head in shame, knowing too well that he can’t give what his lover’s wants. His grip on the rail bar tightens as he tries hard not to breakdown and cry in front of him. “But aren’t we a family already?” he asks with a choke on every word.

The latter stare at the reflection of the moon on the river and he shivers when the night wind blows, caressing his face gently. Hyukjae is right, they are a family. The two of them together with their pet dogs, is what they call family. Family doesn’t really mean that there has to be a mom, a dad and a child, it’s the unity and love of a pair or group of people what really a family means. Sungmin and Hyukjae has been living together as a couple for 5 years, they have a small yet comfortable apartment for the two of them, both of them have jobs, and perfect pair of pet which they treat as their own children. They are perfectly happy, so why?

“You know that’s not what I mean Hyukjae.” He pointed with surprisingly calm voice, when his heart is anything but calm.

The younger faces him for the first time that night and his heart break at the sight of him. Eyes fill with desperation and tears. He wants to hug him and say that everything will be okay, that he regret all the things that he said, that he love him and will never leave him but he can’t. What’s the point? He already said it all and already broke the poor boy’s heart.

A gasp was heard when the younger kneels in front of him and hugs his waist as if like a child begging his mother not to leave him.

“We can adopt Sungmin or if you really want a child of your own, we can find a woman together who’s willing to give it to you and we can raise it together. I will treat the child like my own and I’ll be a good father. I will do everything you want. Just- Just please don’t do this to me. Please don’t leave me.”

“Hyukjae.” Sungmin said with a stern voice and he tries to pry Hyukjae’s arms around him. “No! Don’t! Sungmin please…” He can feel his shirt starting to get wet with Hyukjae’s tears and he can feel his arms tightens around him, almost like a vice grip. Sungmin tilt his head back and tries hard to fight the tears that are starting build in his eyes.

Mustering all the courage he has, he pushes the younger away and he watches him fall on his . He whimpers and sobs and it breaks Sungmin’s heart seeing him like that. This is not the reaction he was expecting.

He kneels down on one knee and pats the younger’s head, “Hyukjae, if you really love me, you have to let me go.” Hyukjae looks at him with wide teary eyes for a moment and bows his head and nods. Wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his jacket, he gulps and said with a choke, “Alright.”

Sungmin’s eyes widened and before he can say anything else, the younger continues, “but please promise me…” Sungmin chuckles but it was replaced by seriousness when the younger continues again, “…that you’ll be happy. Please say you won’t forget and you don’t regret. That’s all I want. That’s all I want to hear from you, because all my life… choosing you is the only decision I will never regret.”

Speechless, Sungmin only stare at Hyukjae.

The younger look up at him and offers him a small force smile, “You can leave now, Hyung.” Sungmin winces, “…go while I still can control my feelings.”

Sungmin raises himself from the ground, towering the younger and with a sad smile, he finally said those words, “I loved you.”

As he walks away, he didn’t see the younger crawl on the sidewalk and hugs himself and how he repeatedly reminded himself that ‘atleast, he loved me.’




-


After 30 years, he saw Hyukjae.

He strolls down the hall of fruits at the corner in the nearest grocery store from his apartment. As he examines the boxes of strawberries, he felt a presence beside him and when he looks up, he almost runaway, it’s Hyukjae.

Hyukjae glances at him and offers him a small smile as he reaches out for a box of strawberry too. Sungmin was as if glued on the ground and he knows that he look like an idiot because he only stare at him. He knows that it’s Hyukjae because he still look the same as he was 30 years ago, just with more eye wrinkles and with gray hair. He still look perfect.

He was about to say something when two children approaches him and he winces when he heard the word, “Grandpa.” A moment later, a woman on her mid 50s came over with a cart full of groceries and when Sungmin saw her finger, he knows she’s married. He looks at Hyukjae’s finger and saw a replica of the ring, just a little bigger and thicker. With a sad smile, he started to back away slowly with his cart as if he was just an old man that passed by on them.

“Hey! You won’t get any strawberries?” he stops as he heard his ex-lover’s question and he turns around and stare at him for the last time, memorizing every inch of his face. “I don’t think so…”

With a shrug, Hyukjae turns his back away from him and continues looking at the strawberries.

I only like them because it reminds me of you.




He arrived at his apartment empty handed. He went to his room and pull out a box from his drawer beside his bed. He pulls out a necklace with a sapphire blue pendant on it. He smiles as he reminisce the memories.

Sungmin was playing guitar at the balcony of their apartment when the front door opened. He smiled as he realized that Hyukjae was home already. A small ‘hey’ was heard followed by a kiss on his forehead.

Sungmin put the guitar down and hugs the younger. “I bought you something,” the younger whispered and Sungmin pull back from the hug and look at the younger expectantly.

“I saw this beautiful necklace and I knew I have to buy it the moment I saw it. I know it’ll suit you.” Hyukjae pulled the necklace from his pocket and before Sungmin can say anything, he continued his speech “…a reminder that I promise that I will never leave you and I will love you forever.”



Sungmin didn’t get what he wants.

He didn’t have a perfect family- no wife, no children. He spent the last 30 years alone with regrets and sadness. Just when he found the answer to his questions 30 years ago, it was already too late for him. I just want to be normal like other people. He smiles bitterly; he was really immature back then indeed. He was stupid enough to believe that if he lives like a normal person, he’ll be happy. Ah, regrets.

He lies on his bed and stare at the ceiling. The memories of their break up 30 years ago play in his mind and as he closes his eyes, a sad smile and a tear fell from his eyes.


I don’t think I will be able to keep my promises anymore, Hyukjae.


See you in another lifetime.


A/N: This is somehow based on true story. Not exactly like the plot (i am still alive lol) but it somehow happened to me. Ah regrets. Anyway, hi i created a twitter account! (finally!) hahaha i want to talk to my readers and be friends with them so make sure to stop by and say hi? pretty please with cherry on top :3