It was somewhat dark, a little steamy, and he could feel his body heating up with excitement. The weight at the foot of his bed inched nearer to his lying body before he felt her hands climbing up his arms.

Yes, this was it.

Hurry!

Then his lips parted and he felt her tongue teasingly touch his teeth, her lips barely leaving a breath against his. He could feel her legs sliding against his as she with her groin then she lowered herself onto him.

This was it! This was it!

Sehun tried to open his eyes to get a peek of what was next to come, but all he saw was darkness before his alarm went off. He jolted awake in bed with a grunt and disappointment before flopping over to throw the alarm clock onto the floor. Clutching onto his fat side pillow he dug his face into the sheets unable to face reality.

As he later brushed his face and readied for morning classes he thought about how different Namjoo had become. Instead of the little prick who used to wait for him every morning she was a well independent female. How was it that even his presence no longer attracted her attention? Back then, she always stuck to him like a parasite swaying him here and there.

And now…and now it wasn’t like that anymore.

After slipping into a shirt he dropped down to sit on his bed to let out a dreamy sigh. She’d gotten pretty. Her eyes seemed to sparkle more. The Namjoo now wasn’t the Namjoo he remembered her to be.

“Are you awake?” his mother knocked on his door.

Forcing himself up he dragged his body to the door, “Yea.”

Last spring when he ran into Namjoo again he thought he was more excited to see her again than she was to see him. And he quickly realized why when she introduced her boyfriend, Jisun, to him. So whenever they were together, Namjoo often talked about him and how they met those years when she moved away.

Namjoo had become more reserved. Instead of the one who talked loudly around him and chased him around, she’d gotten manners. The one thing that stayed the same was that she never shied away from him. It was as if they never separated those few years.

Sehun was never given the chance to confront Junghyeok about why he’d kept Namjoo a secret from him. After a while Sehun thought it didn’t matter much anymore then.

His eyes slipped closed in lecture that morning, but quickly jolted awake when his head slipped off his hand. The professor was still going on about whatever this class was about when Sehun glanced down. They were in a pit room and he always took to his advantage sitting at the far back.

Flinging his pencil between his fingers he browsed around the classroom. Several students who had their laptops were currently browsing the net or chatting with friends through Facebook. Other students were busy doodling in their notebooks and few were actually paying attention.

His eyes almost closed again out of boredom before he felt his phone quietly vibrate inside his pocket.

It was a text from Namjoo, “You free tonight?”

Sehun slightly raised his brow before another text came in.

“Lets go out for dinner. Jisun says he’ll treat all of us.”

Jisun…Jisun again. Hanging out with Namjoo outside of campus had become rare when she introduced her boyfriend to him. Sehun would have never thought her to be such a romantic fool in love. Namjoo had never looked like that type to him. Actually, he never thought anyone would like her.

Sehun was first to arrive at the restaurant that evening. He was just starting to browse through the menu when he heard the waiter’s voice not too far away. Glancing up he saw Namjoo walk in dressed like a lady he would never have thought her to be. Donned in a casual dress with a purse slung over her shoulder she waved when she sighted him. His expression stilled at first as his eyes rolled over her before pulling on a short smile.

Namjoo always dressed nice for Jisun. He’d never seen her in slacks or sweats in front of him as if showing him a good impression was life and death for her.

“Is my hair ok?” Namjoo questioned sitting down and fiddled with her hair.

“It’s fine.” He assured. “Aren’t you cold? Why are you wearing something sleeveless?”

Namjoo glanced at her arms before laughing, “You sound like my mom.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“You know, sometimes I can’t tell whether you’re being sarcastic or not.”

“That wasn’t sarcasm.” He muttered slightly turning away.

She pressed her lips together into a smile, “So how were your classes?”

“Same as always,” he answered before a voice interrupted them.

“Hey!” Jisun greeted.

Sehun greeted Jisun with a smile before watching him bend down to hug Namjoo. Quickly turning away he leaned his chin into his palm and stared at the walls. Sometimes he couldn’t tell if he was jealous or if he just wanted the prick Namjoo used to be back.

As he lie awake that night he continuously reminisced about the past. He couldn’t help, but wonder how it would have been like if Namjoo had never moved away. If they remained next door neighbors would they have become even closer friends? Would they have started dating?  Would they live an ordinary life growing up together as street acquaintances then fall in love and get married?   

Sometimes Namjoo would come over in the dead of the night when his parents were deep asleep tearful and angry. It was always an argument with Jisun that would have her come running. He felt like a part time remedy Namjoo used when needed. He didn’t know whether that was a good or bad thing, but he didn’t mind it. He liked it when she came to him. It gave him the opportunity to drape an arm around her or playfully mess around with her.

When her laughs reached his hears he felt calm. When she lie on his bed as if it was hers he felt like they were even closer than friends. When Namjoo wept on his shoulder he felt like no one else could patch her up the way he could.  

During those times he would find himself staring at her amazed by how much she’d changed. Sehun wasn’t sure about how or when his attraction to her started. At first he thought he was just really happy to have her back again, but he realized that wasn’t it when she talked to him about Jisun.

In one way, it always sounded like Jisun was more important to her than he was and it bothered him; as if his position was being threatened. Sehun quickly recognized his feelings as jealousy. He wanted to be the top on her list of people to look for. He wanted to be the important person she would wait for every morning like during their high school days. Namjoo only looked for Jisun though.

Perhaps when they reconnected again and he realized how grown they’ve become, he liked her a little more. Namjoo wasn’t a reckless teenager anymore, but a woman on her own. And out of nowhere he started imagining himself in the place of Jisun.

He wondered how it felt when they kissed with her hands running over his face; her fingers combing his hair. He could imagine his heart pacing at an unimaginable speed when Namjoo walked toward him all dolled up in beauty. At these thoughts he would foolishly smile.   

“There you are!” Namjoo screamed running up behind him and linked an arm around his neck.

Sehun’s torso flew forward into the table he was sitting at before spinning around surprised, “The heck!?”

Namjoo laughed and smiled before pulling the chair beside him out and sat down, “What are you doing for your birthday this weekend?”

Sehun shrugged, “Chilling.”

“Eh…” Namjoo made a face, “Junghyeok says you’re going to have a house party.”

“You’re kidding me…right?” Sehun sarcastically questioned.

“Why would I?” Namjoo asked. “It obviously won’t be at your place. Junghyeok is offering. So what do you want for your birthday?”

“I don’t really…”

“Aw…come on,” Namjoo nudged him. “You don’t have a particular dress code in mind, do you? This could be like an early Halloween.”

Sehun glanced down at his assignment before turning to her, “Dress up for me.”

Namjoo stared at him blankly before cracking up and slapped his arm, “You’re funny. I’ll call up the girls. See you this weekend.”

Sehun watched her get up and walk away before staring at the empty chair she was just sitting in. Actually, he hadn’t been kidding. He wanted her to dress up for him just once, not for Jisun.

“Are you sure this is ok?” Sehun questioned as Junghyeok urged him into his apartment that following weekend.

“Of course!” Junghyeok assured pulling him along. “The neighbors do it every weekend!”

Sehun glanced around the tiny apartment area before spotting the beer sitting inside the box on the ground.

“No food?” Sehun asked.

“Sehee said she’ll bring a little something.” Junghyeok told before the doorbell rang. “Looks like someone’s here.”

Sehun was left standing in the kitchen and within a few minutes the apartment was full of strangers he barely recognized. He wasn’t used to these kinds of things. Honestly, he just wanted to be accompanied by Namjoo and close friends. He was uncomfortable standing there unable to refuse shots and drinks handed to him.

He was starting to get woozy before someone slapped his arm, “Hey! You holding up?”

He was starting to feel dizzy and unstable. There were two Namjoo’s standing in front of him before his vision cleared to see that she was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, not in the dress he’d wanted her in.

“Sehun!” Hyemi screamed making her way through the crowd.

“He looks off already!” Eunbin commented with a short, but worried laugh.

“Give him some water,” Sehee mumbled from the table where she was struggling to make sure everyone got a fair piece of pizza.

“All females, line up!” Junghyeok clapped his hands together.

It felt chaotic in the tiny apartment. Sehun was squished against the wall unable to free himself so that he might be able to run away.

“We’re going outside for a smoke,” some guys announced before leaving out the back door.

Sehun took a whiff of the cool air flying in through the open door before it closed and Junghyeok continued clapping his hands.

“Since it’s birthday boy’s day, how about we all give him a kiss?” Junghyeok shouted.

There were some no’s and some screams throughout the cramped up space. Sehun felt his mind spin uncontrollably somewhat lost and unable to comprehend the situation.

“Me first, me first!” Junghyeok raised his arm and struggled through the crowd before grabbing Sehun’s shoulder. Staring into Sehun’s dazed eyes he smiled and whispered, “Happy birthday, buddy.”

Everyone in the room went wild when Junghyeok placed a surprising kiss on Sehun’s cheek. Suddenly awake Sehun pushed Junghyeok away and made a dash for the door, but failed to when Junghyeok immediately pulled him back.

“Hey, be a good boy now,” Junghyeok patted his shoulder before turning around, “next!”

And Sehun swore he might just become sick for the rest of his life. This was uncomfortable way beyond the understanding of words. Even Eunbin, Hyemi, and Sehee gave him playful kisses which he decided would give him nightmares for the rest of his life. He would certainly kill Junghyeok when he was sober.

“Whoa! A total of 15 minutes,” Junghyeok glanced at his watch, “everybody’s gone, right?”

“Oh, Namjoo! Namjoo!” Eunbin shouted waving her arm in the air.

Namjoo glanced up from the table where she was currently eating and awkwardly smiled, “I’ll pass.”

“Aw…come on, don’t be a poor sport,” Hyemi slapped her back.

“No, really,” Namjoo tried, “besides, I already have a boyfriend.”

“Half the girls in this room have boyfriends. Come on, it’s just for fun! Think of birthday boy, our Sehun!” Sehee completely urged shoving her away from the table.

Namjoo glanced around embarrassed before someone in the crowd shouted out in encouragement. Junghyeok became silent beside Sehun, but he was unable to notice it. Everyone else in the room became nothing, but blurry figures. Sehun felt his heart thump louder by the second when Namjoo took a step forward.

A kiss…he was going to receive a kiss…from Namjoo.

His breath caught in his throat when she stopped in front of him and looked away embarrassed before quickly tip-toeing and gave him a peck. The excited screams and shouts from around him became nothing in his ears when he felt his heart burn. Although it was a disappointment it happened so fast he couldn’t let the fact go that Namjoo had kissed him.

Sehun was unable to sleep that night. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to become sober again. Inside his mind he replayed the quick touch of her lips repeatedly and each time he thought of it he would feel butterflies in his stomach.

“Like this?” Namjoo questioned rewriting her math problem onto her sheet of paper.

“You’re using the wrong equation,” Sehun told then heard her mumble something before erasing what she had down. They were sitting outside the school lounge. Supposedly he was helping her study for her upcoming math exam, but it didn’t seem like Namjoo was trying hard.

He was a little distraught over how normal Namjoo was still able to be after giving him the kiss. How was it that she wasn’t a tad bit nervous with him like he was with her? This was a little unfair.

“Ok…so if I do it like this…” Namjoo went on, but her voice disappeared into thin air when his eyes slid over to study her concentrated expression.

Those lashes made him wonder how soft they’d be if they kissed and fluttered against his face. Then gliding his eyes down to her nose he thought of how her nose might crush into his face if engrossed in a kiss.  Finally, his eyes moved down to her lips curious about how they would taste. Trying to imagine it sent his heart into a flurry.

“Are you listening?” Namjoo raised her voice. “Come on, I don’t want to fail this exam.”

“Uh…oh…yea…” Sehun uttered waking up from his thoughts.      

After midterms the day he thought would never come came. Jisun and Namjoo broke up. During the one week break after exams Namjoo often came over to waste her time with him. He felt like the medicine Namjoo would come for when hoping to put herself back together; only coming to him when he was needed most.

Sehun wasn’t her full time comfort, but he made himself available 24 hours a day.

It kind of felt like they were dating when they watched movies together, took walks, and went out to eat. He really wished they were an official couple, especially when Namjoo fell asleep in the cinema and her head landed on his shoulder.

Sehun wanted to do sweet things with her, so sometimes he would take her hand and lead her around. When classes resumed and Namjoo didn’t have time to find anything to eat, he’d find something for her to eat and drop it off at her apartment. In return Namjoo would slap him on the back and pat his arm in gratitude, but that was all she did for him.

“I’m exhausted, I hate my psych professor,” Namjoo muttered dropping onto her bed. Glancing up at him she patted the empty spot beside him, “Lay down.”

“What?” Sehun asked hesitantly.

“What?” Namjoo wondered. “Does it bother you?” Resting her hand on her tummy she said, “It doesn’t bother me.”

After a few slight hesitations Sehun finally lay down next to her stiffly and stared up at the ceiling.

“It’s kind of blank, isn’t it?” Namjoo asked.

“What is?”

“The ceiling,” Namjoo stated, “I was thinking about gluing some on the ceiling, you know, the glow in the dark ones, but I’m too short to reach the ceiling. It’s such a hassle dragging in a ladder too.”  

“Why would you want to look at the stars?”

“So then it’ll feel like I’m outside and free,” Namjoo explained. “I was always kind of trapped when with my parents. I bet you never knew that.”

Sehun turned to glance at her.

“We move around so frequently I tried not to get tired at first,” Namjoo told, “because it wasn’t like I could do anything about it. When I graduated from high school I finally thought I’d like for one place to just be my home. Seoul felt like home to me, so I came back.”

Staring at the ceiling Sehun tried to envision little stars wondering how it would actually feel to star gaze with someone.

“Thanks to you guys, I came back,” Namjoo’s voice gradually became fainter, “ah…it’s good to be back.”

Suddenly relaxed Sehun allowed himself to lean back into her sheets, “You know, back then I really didn’t have any friends. Then I learned not having anything in common with friends is also ok, and exploring outside of the box for other friends is also ok. I learned such simple things all thanks to you.”

He smiled embarrassed before turning expecting to hear Namjoo laugh at him, but instead she was already asleep.

“Tsh…this idiot,” he muttered. “How can you sleep so easily with me here?”

Letting out a breath he to his side and watched her sleep.

“Is Namjoo going back home for Christmas?” his mother asked over dinner one evening.

“She didn’t say anything,” he replied.

“Ah…if she isn’t, tell her to come over.” his dad added.

Christmas…Sehun hadn’t thought about it honestly. Namjoo hadn’t spoken to him a word about returning home for the holidays. Should he get her a gift? But what?

“Home?” Namjoo questioned pulling her scarf around her neck. “My parents aren’t going to be home, so I’m not going back.”

“Ah…really?” he asked. “Dad says you should come over. Mom’s going to cook a feast, so why don’t you come over?”

“Nah…it’s a family thing. I don’t want to interrupt,” Namjoo said kicking the snow as they walked along.

“They don’t mind. You’re like…family too.”

“I’m fine,” Namjoo assured, “thanks though.”

Sehun watched her walk into the science building for class wondering if she felt lonely because of the fact that neither her parents were going to be home, or because of the fact that Jisun was no longer there for her.

When everyone became engrossed in midterms he had less chance to see or talk to Namjoo. One afternoon after exams he spotted Junghyeok hanging around in the hall. It hadn’t occurred to him that he hadn’t seen anything of Junghyeok ever since his birthday.

“Hey, what’s up?” Sehun greeted.

Junghyeok looked around before turning to him, “Can we talk?”

“Oh…sure,” Sehun nodded a little anxious about what was up with his friend.

A few minutes later with a warm cup of coffee in hand they found a spot in the corner in the cafeteria. Less students were appearing these days because most had returned home for the holidays after exams. Sehun couldn’t wait to be one of them.

“Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you at all,” Sehun began.

Junghyeok his lips before telling, “Actually, I still like Namjoo a lot. You know that, right?”

Sehun felt the happiness at seeing his friend die away before blinking his eyes. No, he hadn’t known that. He knew Junghyeok had a crush on her in high school, but he didn’t know Junghyeok still liked her.

“So I confessed to her,” Junghyeok admitted, “I’m a little embarrassed now.”

That didn’t matter to Sehun. All he wanted to know was what Namjoo’s answer had been.

“You like her, right?” Junghyeok looked right into his eyes.

Sehun felt his all shatter before his lips fell apart and he slightly moved back, “W…wh…what?”

“I saw your face after she kissed you on your birthday,” Junghyeok said, “all I can say is, don’t tell her. You’re just going to make a fool of yourself. Anyway, you’ll find someone better out there. Namjoo’s just a friend after all.” Junghyeok stood up and patted his arm, “Merry Christmas, man.”

Sehun slightly turned as Junghyeok walked away feeling sullen and trampled on. Just what was this?

He spent the first week after exams inside his home either watching TV or staring at the computer. Junghyeok was putting him down and it was working, but he also feared that he was right. What if Namjoo really saw him as nothing more than just a friend? Would he also feel like a fool after confessing?

No…but he was different. He was different from Junghyeok. His relationship with Namjoo was different. He’d never been there for Namjoo until now when she’d been the one to instigate everything when they first met. They were different…

What should he do?

Sehun spent another half week thinking about it before Christmas Eve finally arrived.

“Did you call Namjoo? Did she go back home?” his mother asked taking out some cookies she’d baked out from the oven.

Sehun watched as he sat at the kitchen table waiting for that evening’s dinner to be finished. He was feel a bit down with his head up in the dark clouds. It also felt like he was being rained on. Honestly, he missed Namjoo.

Thinking about her spending such a holiday by herself made him feel lonely for her. At least…she should be with someone.

“Are you listening to me?” his mother asked.

“I,” Sehun shot up from his seat, “mom, I’m leaving. Don’t expect me back.”

Running into his room to fetch his socks and coat he was out the door in less than a minute. Sehun quickly stopped by a cake factory before making it to Namjoo’s apartment half an hour later. His cheeks were red with cold, but all he could feel was his heart racing from all the running.

Namjoo looked up at him surprised when she opened the door, “What are you doing?”

Panting too hard to say anything he made his way into her apartment and slid out of his shoes.

“You’re tracking snow in!” Namjoo complained closing the door behind her.

“Cake,” he panted uselessly setting the box down on her kitchen table.

“Huh?” Namjoo frowned at him before finally looking at the cake then snorted at him. “You came all the way here for just that?”

His eyes landed on her when she stepped toward him to brush the snow off his coat, “You’re getting snow everywhere. The inside isn’t supposed to be outside, you know.”

Sehun’s breathing finally relaxed, but caught itself in his throat when she ped his coat.

Noticing his stare she glanced up at him with a frown, “Where’d you come from anyway?”

A smile popped onto his lips, “Home.”

Namjoo only frowned at him before walking away.

“So, you’re not doing anything,” Sehun stated following her.

“Of course not,” Namjoo replied tossing his coat onto her coat hanger and sat down on her couch. “Shouldn’t you be at home?”

Plopping down beside her he smiled, “It doesn’t matter.”

Namjoo narrowed an eye at him before turning to continue watching the TV. When commercials came on Namjoo got up to bake some pre-made cookies and they ate them together while watching some holiday movie on TV. And Sehun thought not even Junghyeok would have a chance like this with her.

“Ah…my eyes,” Namjoo muttered standing up to stretch her arms out. “Hey, lets go outside for a bit.”

“Outside?”

Namjoo pulled away the long curtain by the wall to reveal a door to the veranda outside. A sharp breeze of wind slapped his face when she opened the door and stepped out.

“It stopped snowing,” Namjoo exclaimed before he stepped outside after her.

It was chillingly cold and he didn’t know how Namjoo was able to withstand the cold in her sweats and sweater. Sehun merely hugged himself when he stared out at the beautiful city lights of the nightlife.

“It’s so pretty,” she quietly complimented.

His dazed gaze fell on her with a soft smile and he reached out to touch her arm. She turned to look up at him and without hesitation he bent down to give her a peck on the lips.

“Namjoo, I like you,” he confessed staring into her eyes for as long as he could before eventually looking away embarrassed.

Namjoo didn’t reply or say anything and Sehun suddenly felt nervous. What if Junghyeok was right? What if he was just making a fool of himself?

“S…sorry.”

He heard a quick snort before Namjoo laughed, “What the hell? That’s all?”

His eyes darted back toward her surprised.

“I’m cold.”

“Oh…” Sehun managed before turning to grab the blanket on the couch and walked back out to drape it around her.

“You loser,” Namjoo cussed before adjusting the blanket around him as well and ordered, “here, hold it.”

Unable to speak he grabbed the ends of the blanket around her back and slowly realized he had her in his arms.

“I liked you since a long time ago,” he felt her grasp onto the sides of his shirt as she stepped closer, “remember when I was in the hospital?” He felt her hair brush against his neck. “I hoped you’d stop by, but you didn’t.”

Sehun stared at the snow covered rooftops recalling every moment of how guilty he had felt then.

“Aigoo…” Namjoo tapped her hand against his face, “how cute you are after all this time.”

“Aish…stop,” he his head away embarrassed about how she’d brought up the past incident.

“Tsh…” Namjoo made a face.

“Can I…kiss you again?” he asked.

“Really…do you have to ask?”

For the first time he proudly kissed her finally whispering “Merry Christmas” in the middle of their kisses.

During the rest of the winter break they went sledding, sat and had hot chocolate together, had snowball fights, and he even introduced her to his parents as his girlfriend. The new year finally really felt like a new year.

They spent more and more evenings together during the upcoming semester sometimes engrossed in intimacy while forgetting their studies. There was one time when he thought they were finally getting it on. The feel of her body pressed into his ransacked his nerves as they toppled over onto her bed.

Maybe they were transgressing fast, but it wasn’t like they were strangers to each other. He could taste her tongue sliding into his mouth before he grabbed her shirt to pull it up, but Namjoo grabbed his hands to halt him.

“Wait,” Namjoo called before pushing him off and sat up.

“What? Did I do something wrong?” he worried.

He watched her push her hair out of her face before crossing her legs, “I don’t…I don’t want to.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“I…I don’t want to do it before I’m married.”

Sehun crossed his brows before the doorbell rang and someone knocked on the door.

“Namjoo!” it was her mom.

“Great…” Namjoo mumbled.

Sehun let out a breath of exasperation, “Then what do you expect me to do about this…”

Namjoo let out a flustered grunt before tossing the blanket over him, “You stay in here!”

When Namjoo shut the door after her he could hear her open the door before her parents’ loud voices echoed throughout her apartment. Letting out a frustrated moan he tossed himself back onto her bed.

Namjoo finally opened the door an hour later when her parents left and turned the lights on. Sehun opened his and looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

“You ok?” she asked.

Sitting up he turned to stare at her, “Who do you want to marry then?”

“Oh come on,” Namjoo rolled her eyes.

“No. Tell me!”

“No one. I haven’t thought about it,” Namjoo sat down. “Is it wrong to want to give my first night to my husband? Gosh, you’re so whiny.”

Sehun turned away still flustered and felt Namjoo wrap her arms around his neck.

He felt his forehead brush against hers as she cooed, “Don’t be angry. Hmm?”

Sehun glanced out the corner of his eye before asking, “So…does that mean you never slept with Jisun?”

“Idiot!” Namjoo shoved him away.

Sehun thought for a long time about it before graduation and when his mom cooked another huge feast in celebration, especially during that long week when Namjoo went back home to be with her parents. He really thought about it all really carefully.   

He wasn’t just a child anymore nor was he just Namjoo’s part time remedy any longer. So when Namjoo returned to Seoul he quickly went to see her.

When Namjoo opened the door he immediately picked her up, kicked the door close, and spun her around whilst listening to her shriek. All before crushing her on her bed and smothering her face with kisses. Sehun listened to her giggle underneath him various times as she kissed him back.

“You really like doing this, don’t you?” Namjoo asked.

“Yea, so?” Rolling off her he turned her toward him. “Namjoo, lets get married.”

“What?”

“I want to marry you.”

“You’re in a hurry.”

“What if someone comes along and takes you away?”

She poked his nose with her finger, “You know that won’t happen. Stop coming up with stupid ideas. Lets get engaged instead.”

“They’re not…” Sehun began, but stopped and smiled. “Engaged?”

Namjoo burst out laughing before nodding.

***You waited long, huh? My apologies, but here it is! The next oneshot is coming soon!