To Kris, it was painful watching Tao laughing and messing around with other people. Why? Because, he knew he could never be the main reason behind that shining smile and melodious laugh.

       Kris was falling, and it hurt. He knew he was in love with Tao, and he knew he was falling deeper everyday. It was painful to have to conceal the fact because he knew that Tao would never be his. It was painful to watch others casually hug, hold hands with, and show affection toward his friend because he had to control the raging jealousy and keep it hidden. It was painful to replace his frown with a smile just to keep Tao from worrying and absolutely oblivious.

       Slowly, Kris was spiraling down into his self-made despair that was only present due to his inability to openly show his love. It hurt to know that he could never claim Tao as his. It hurt to know that Tao would never feel the same. It hurt to know that somehow, he will never be good enough for the beautiful creature known as Tao.

       The feeling of falling in love and despair was painful. Two different emotions, yet the same pain. Eventually, for Kris, the two emotions blended to be one, and he could no longer tell which he was falling into faster. He just knew the pain of falling. The pain of knowing his love will be forever one-sided, and the pain of seeing that graceful being so happy, so blissfully unaware.

       As long as Tao was happy, he'd be happy? Even when Tao was with another person, so happily in love, and still blissfully unaware, he'd be happy? To Kris, that was a terrible lie. He'd spiral deeper into despair, but not love, because by then, he knew that his heart would have shattered. He knew that by then, he would be too numb to feel or fall into his love for Tao any longer. He would only know despair.

       Falling was painful, and Kris knew he'd never be caught and pulled back to his feet. That's how it worked. That's how Kris and his love worked.

       He was falling, and now he only knew his bottomless pit of despair.