Looking at the package that has just been handed to her, she looked at the address; it clearly stated that it was to her, then flipping it over, the address of who it was from. ‘It can’t be.’ She looked up at her band mates. ‘Is this some kind of joke? This isn’t funny’, her friends looked at her shaking their heads. ‘It can’t be from him.’ She played with the edges of the package, unsure of whether to open it. If none of her friends were playing some cruel joke on her, then it must be from him. If it was from him she wanted to see it, but if it wasn’t she didn’t want the pain of thinking of him. She carefully opened the package and tipped the contents out onto her lap. Smaller packages each with dates on. She looked through them, it was his hand writing. She tried not to cry, looking through finding one was to be opened now.  She opened the small package. It was a photo of them together, and a letter. She stared at the photo, her arm around his in a small park area. It was taken by a stranger; she started crying again before opening the letter. Her band mates looked at her worriedly, wondering what the parcel had enclosed.

 

Hyo, I knew that I was dying, so I made these for you. There are six of these letters. Each one is a memory we had together. This one was our first date. I remember it clearly, I was so nervous, Sungmin had to try and calm me down. You were so beautiful that date, I knew that I wanted to be with you. Anyway this message was to tell you about the other five, open them on the dates written.

I love you forever, your Noori.

 

Hyoyoung cried as she read the letter, her tears falling onto the paper, making the ink run a bit. Sungmin came over, wrapping his arm around Hyoyoung. ‘Noona, don’t cry.’ He whispered, knowing that despite his best efforts she would still cry. She turned to hug him, crying into his shoulder. He just held her, letting her tears fall on his shirt, feeling helpless, knowing that he couldn’t make the pain she felt go away. She eventually stopped crying and went to bed. She dreamt of him, of how they had planned to get married and have children before he got sick. Her dream soon turned to a nightmare as she remembered him getting sick, remembered slowly losing him, remembered the day when the doctors told her he’d died. She woke with a jolt, crying, she felt arms around her. ‘Shhhh, it’s ok’, The arms were strong, male, Sungmin. Hyoyoung cried harder knowing that it wasn’t Noori who was holding her. 

 

She woke up the next morning looking at the other envelopes there was another letter today, some were weeks away from opening but she decided that she was going to do as Noori had asked her and was going to open them on the days he wanted her to. She went downstairs, holding the next letter. She wanted to be around the others, in case she cried. She hated crying alone and even though crying in front of everyone was embarrassing, it was better than crying alone. She opened it, the photo was of them at a water park, both in swimsuits, him holding her bridal style. She looked at it for a second, then put it on the table, opening the letter up.

 

Hyo, this is my second photo. We went to the water park and I lifted you up like this. I remember that I promised we’d do this properly, you in the white dress and veil. But I guess we never got there. I’ve imagined our wedding day a thousand times over, and I’m sure you have to. However, there was another reason why I chose this photo for this day. Today is the anniversary of when we first met. I’m sure you’ve checked all the dates and the last one is on your birthday. Anyway, back to today, I want you and the others to go back to the water park today. I want you all to have fun, knowing that I am not with you. I know you will be sad today but please try to be happy with the others. Have fun.

 Remember I love you, Noori

 

‘Guys’ Hyoyoung looked up from the letter. ‘We have to go to the water park today.’ She showed them the letter, trying to hold back her tears. The others nodded, agreeing to this idea as they all wanted to cheer her up and do what their lost friend wanted them to do. In the bus on the way there Hyoyoung stared out the window looking up at the clouds. Sungmin watched from afar, knowing that she was thinking of Noori and knowing how much she missed him, especially today.  They arrived and once in their swimsuits excitement ran through them as they played in the water. Chanmi and Kangho had made it their mission to splash everyone. It became a mess with the group all running away from the two, as they caught their victims. After a couple of hours they all stopped playing to eat lunch, the buzz from playing had made them all hungry. Hyoyoung smiled, sharing food with her band mates was a great thing to do. She smiled as they all took food, the boys fighting over the last spare rib. She smiled watching as Sungmin, despite being the youngest , managed to get it.  Soomi put her arm around Hyoyoung, a comforting gesture, which today didn’t set Hyoyoung off into more tears. 

 

It was weeks before the next letter was to be opened. The group were slowly getting ready to move on and to accept what had happened, of course the pain was never quite going to go away. A fallen friend can never be forgotten or replaced. Sungmin spent much of his time watching over Hyoyoung, growing closer to her day by day. December 17th. The next letter waiting to be opened. Hyoyoung knew that it could ruin the mood of the day, but she still went downstairs to open the letter. The photo was from Sungmin’s last birthday, her and him with a piece of cake each and some cake smeared on each cheek.

 

Hyo, today is Sungmin’s birthday. I hope you are waiting until the right days to open these. Anyway, the photo is from last year’s party. Remember you wanted us to feed each other cake but you were laughing so much you got it on my face, so I got revenge and put it on yours? Then Sungmin took this photo. However, today is his special day. Enjoy it, I hope you got him something nice. Have fun today.

I love you, Noori.

 

Hyoyoung tried not to cry but she couldn’t stop herself. Sungmin quickly went to her side holding her while she cried. ‘I’m sorry Minnie’, she tried to stop crying ‘I’m ruining your birthday’. Sungmin shook his head and rocked her. He held her until she finished crying, and then they all carried on with his birthday, bringing out his cake. He smiled, blowing out his candles and wishing, he wished for her to not be upset anymore, he wished he could help make her feel better. He smiled at her as he opened his presents, watching as she smiled and laughed as he made jokes, and tried on some of the hideous clothes his mom thought would look nice. They then cut the cake and he gave her a piece, smiling softly. ‘It’s your favourite with the strawberry filling.’ She nodded, taking a bite. This was her favourite but most of the others thought the raspberry filling was her favourite because Noori always bought her the raspberry filled cake. She never understood why, but she smiled, eating her favourite before thinking about Sungmin. He didn’t like strawberry, but he got the strawberry cake. She looked up at him, he didn’t have a piece of his own cake. He smiled at her, then walked over to sit next to Eunkyo talking to her about something. Hyoyoung watched him.

 

                The next letter was Christmas day. On Christmas Eve Hyoyoung had put it under the tree with her presents; she was going to open it first. When the morning came she was woken by the excitement of the others, as they all sat around the tree they agreed that as usual they were going to open them one at a time, so Soomi opened her first present, then Kwanghaeng opened his, then Yoosung, then Taewoon, then Chanmi, then it came to Hyoyoung. She picked up the letter and carefully opened it. The picture was of them last Christmas opening each other’s presents at the same time. She smiled remembering how he’d insisted they opened each other’s together. She picked up the letter to read it.

 

Hyo, Christmas day, you’ll remember that it is my favourite day of the year. The photo is of last Christmas and us opening each other’s presents. Do you still wear the necklace I bought you? I hope you do, it took me 3 hours to pick that necklace out. I wish I could have bought you all the choices I had. Enjoy Christmas, I know that it’s been a hard year. Have fun. Beware of the mistletoe, ok?

Forever yours, Noori

 

Hyoyoung smiled, playing with the necklace that was around her neck. She never took it off, he was with her always. The presents were all unwrapped and the paper put away, they begun watching Christmas TV as tonight they were going to have a Christmas party as was tradition. The party began and the mistletoe was up. Hyoyoung smiled as Sungmin came over, ‘Want to dance?’ he asked. ‘I’m trying to avoid the mistletoe.’ He laughed. Hyoyoung nodded, letting him take her to the floor, dancing with him was nice. Suddenly Chanmi appeared holding the mistletoe above the pair, Sungmin shrugged and leant forward to kiss her. Hyoyoung gently kissed him back, his hands on her waist now and her arms around his neck. She abruptly pulled away, ‘Noona, I’m sorry.’ Sungmin said, dropping his arms from her waist. Hyoyoung looked at him, then nodded. ‘I’m really sorry’ he said again. Hyoyoung just hugged him, holding him close to her.  She felt bad for Noori, feeling as if she had just cheated on him. She told herself that it wasn’t cheating, Noori was gone, and it was like they had broken up. It didn’t work. She still felt like she had wronged him.

 

Weeks went by where she’d avoid Sungmin, weeks turned into months and before she knew it, it was time to open the next letter. March 3rd, his birthday. The letter was waiting for her to open it, she went downstairs to open it around the others. Sungmin was sitting on the floor watching her as she opened it. The photo was of her and him on his birthday, she was kissing his cheek.

 

Hyo, penultimate letter. It’s my birthday, so I guess you’ll be really down today. Try not to be- try to be happy. That is my birthday wish. I also would like to ask you every year to visit my grave, with the others on this day so as to remember me. Don’t cry. Have a good day, treat the others well. Thank you.

Your Noori.

 

Hyoyoung started crying, Sungmin was quick to get up and hold her. ‘Noona please don’t cry’ he said, knowing that she needed to cry it out. She showed him the letter and he nodded, another group outing she thought.  They all got into the bus, Hyoyoung was nervous; the last time they went was the funeral. They arrived at the grave, and laid the flowers down. Soomi then got the others to move away so Hyoyoung could talk to Noori alone. 

 

‘Noori-Oppa, today is your birthday and you asked me and the others to come to your grave. We brought flowers. Not that you liked flowers, but your letters Oppa, why did you do them? I like them, but I can’t stop crying when I read them and I’ll cry when they end. You can’t write from where you are. I miss you Oppa, everyday. Oppa, I want to tell you I love you, no matter what happens in the future. Oppa forgive me for the kiss with Sungmin, but it felt right. I don’t know, I’m sorry I didn’t remain faithful. I haven’t even talked to him since and it hurts. I know it is hurting him too.  Oppa tell me what to do.’ Hyoyoung cried, but this time Sungmin wasn’t around to hold her, to tell her everything was alright.

 

The others soon came back and Sungmin was told to take her back to the bus and try to calm her down a bit. He smiled, accepting his task. He wrapped her arm around her trying to help her up, realising this would take too long he carried her, bridal style, her wrapping her arms around his neck, crying into his chest, apologizing profusely as he set her down in the bus. She eventually stopped crying, she just looked at him.  ‘I’m sorry.’ He shook his head, she smiled back then before she knew it her lips were on his again, softly kissing. She broke the kiss again, he apologized, she shook her head. Holding tightly onto his shirt, she fell asleep leaning on him. The others came back onto the bus. Soomi looked at Sungmin questioning Hyoyoung’s grip on his shirt. 

 

‘It was the only way she’d sleep.’ Sungmin smiled, for once he had managed to help her. He smiled softly and let himself drift off. Hyoyoung slept softly, enjoying the comfort of sleep, knowing if she had a nightmare Sungmin would be there to protect her. She woke still holding onto his shirt, she smiled, he was still asleep. The bus stopped at their dorm and she gently woke Sungmin, then they both walked in. 

 

Her birthday came around. Final letter, her and Sungmin were close again, and occasional kisses and sweet moment were shared, but she didn’t want to commit to him, feeling if she did that then she really was betraying Noori. She went downstairs. ‘I want to open the letter first’ she said. Sungmin was sitting on the other sofa with Chanmi, Kwanghaeng and Kangho, looking away; he was still upset from last night when she’d rejected him to remain true to Noori. The photo was the last one they ever took of them together. Noori was hooked up to a machine and she was sitting next to him in hospital but they were both smiling. She almost cried at the picture, before she opened the letter. 

 

Hyo, Ryu Hyoyoung, my first and only love. This is my final letter and my final picture. Happy Birthday baby. I love you, and I know you love me. These letters were to help you with my death, maybe to help you accept it and move forward. I know you love me, but move on. Find someone else, love him like you loved me. Don’t let these tears blur the happiness of your memories my love, only remember the good things about us. Only remember our happy times. I guess this is my final goodbye.

Remember; love, be happy and most of all I’ll be watching you from heaven, Noori.

 

Hyoyoung cried, it was finally over. Sungmin rushed off his chair over to her as soon as her eyes started welling. ‘It’s ok Noona’ he smiled, rocking her. She stopped crying and wiped her eyes.  She looked at Sungmin, then gently kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. At first he was shocked but he then kissed her back, his arms around her waist. They broke the kiss, ‘But you-‘

‘Noori wants this. He’s smiling down on us as we speak.’