~ I know what you’re going to say, please don’t say it ~

"Here's the bubbletea, hyung." Sehun beamed, putting down the beverage right next to my hands. I looked up at him, and smiled.

"Thank you." I said, and took an immediate sip from the liquid, letting the taste settle in my mouth, before swallowing. We sat there in a comfortable silence, both staring at random things. I, for one, was staring out the window, watching as the rain started pouring. We were lucky that the café was nearby when we felt raindrops. 

Sehun and I had spent half the day together already, and this made me so happy. Sehun had finally had some time to go out with me -- and without his girlfriend this time.

I have to admit, I didn't like his girlfriend. No, she was great, I just didn't like her. She is stealing Sehun from me. I remember how me and Sehun used to hang out almost every day, and our apartment was consisting of just the two of us, but then he started dating her.

My friends would like to call this pure jealousy. And you know what? They were right.

I was jealous. I was so freaking jealous, I mean.. they were so cute together. I wish I had what they had. I wish that my lovelife was as perfect as theirs.

But no. What I experienced every day was so freaking stupid. I was always looking around every day for someone to bring home. For someone to kiss. For someone to . But everything was the same. Something with no meaning. It was literally like drowning yourself in alcohol every day, and waking up with a hangover. What do the two have in common?

Regret.

"Luhan." Sehun's voice suddenly interrupted my train of thoughts, as I looked at him, leaning my cheek on my hand. I was still sipping the bubbletea, even though it was completely empty.

"Hm?" I said, and put away the empty cup.

"Did I interrupt something?" he asked, his eyebrows creased. I shook my head.

"No! What is it?" I asked, and sat up straight, smiling.

"I... I have something to tell you." he said, and looked down at his beverage, which was not even half-empty.

"What is it?" I asked. Now I was getting curious.

Sehun then showed me his left hand. I was confused at first, until I saw a ring... on his ringfinger.

My heart stopped.

"We're getting married, Luhan." he smiled widely.

As my heart broke into a million tiny pieces.

~ Letting you go is not as easy as it sounds ~

I was looking around in my closet, looking for my suit. I don't remember where I put it, but I know that I never thought that I would pull it out so soon.

I finally found it, as it was wrapped inside a plastic-cover so that it wouldn't wrinkle. I can remember when I bought this. It was about 2 years ago, when my father passed away because of heartfailiure. I still remember that day.

And I never thought that this time, the suit was gonna be used for a happy occasion.

Or.. not for me.

But for Sehun.

I still pulled out the black suit, and stood infront of a mirror, holding it against my body. I looked at myself, and suddenly the image of me with this suit on in pouring rain flashed through my mind, as I had to look away.

I couldn't. I almost couldn't. This suit brings back bad memories, and good.

I remember how Sehun watched out for me that day, when I lost my father. When I lost my rolemodel. He was there for me, making sure that I wouldn't do anything stupid. But I did. I did something so stupid, which almost made me loose him. But luckily, he stayed.

I shook the thought out of my head, as I started putting on my pants. I put on my white shirt, and tucked them into my pants, as I was looking for a tie.

"Where the heck are all my ties? Aish, I'm gonna be late, for sure." I muttered to myself, as I dug through a basket full of different clothes, and suddenly, felt something silky between my fingers. I managed to pull it out. As the tie finally showed itself, I was staring hard at it.

People would say it was just a simple tie. But for me, it wasn't. My love had bought it for me. Tears were welling up in the corners of my eyes, as I walked over to my nightstand, picking up a picture-frame. I looked at the picture.

It was of Sehun, his girlfriend, and me. I dragged my fingers across the three figures in the picture. A tear fell onto the glass, as I lifted it, and smashed it to pieces.

I fell to my knees, and screamed at the top of my lungs. This was too much.

My love was going to get married today.

But not with me.

I was sure I was gonna be late today.

~ I turn away, not being able to see you leave me. ~

I pulled into the driveway, parking my car. I stepped out of the car fixing my hair and suit. I pulled out my phone, and checked that I looked presentable. And I did. I looked hot.

But for someone else.

I sighed, swallowed my pride, and smiled fakely. I walked forward, and went up the steps. My heels clacked against the hard concrete, as Sehun glanced at me, and grinned widely. "Finally!" he threw his hands up in the air, and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged him back, biting my lower lip. Do NOT cry, Luhan. Do not CRY! When Sehun pulled away from me, he must've noticed my eyes were glassy, because he looked sympathetically at me. "Aw, no need to cry Luhan!" he exclaimed, and hugged me once more.

"S-Sorry, I'm just so happy for you two." So happy. Not.

Sehun chuckled, and patted me on the back. "Just smile. Because today is a special day." he said, and pushed me away, so that he could welcome the rest.

As I walked further in, I suddenly saw a figure walking down the stairs. I looked up, and saw her.

Sehun's girlfriend. She looked amazing. Her white weddingdress was beautiful, and it fitted her perfectly. I gasped, as she walked down to me, blushed, and smiled.

"What do you think?" she asked, and started turning. I stared, and was almost dazed.

"You look... stunning." I said honestly, and smiled to her.

"You think so? It's not too much, nor tacky?" she asked, laughing.

"N-No.. it's beautiful, I love it." I gave her a thumbs up, as she wrapped an arm around my neck. My eyes widened, as my heart started beating out of it's place. I hugged around her waist, and took in the scent of her. She even had an amazing scent.

"I'm so excited, Luhan." she whispered, "But I'm kind of nervous.." she admitted, and pulled away.

I smiled fakely. "That's normal, but you can do this. I know you can." I gave her a gentle grip to her shoulder.

She pulled her fingers through my hair, her touch literally burning. "Your hair is so beautiful. I love that you coloured it in that smashing orange color. It fits you." she said, and looked over at Sehun. "Just as much as that pink hair fits Sehun." she laughed.

I looked over at Sehun, and smiled. I remember when me and Sehun went to the hair-salon, and we both said "Do whatever you'd like with our hair."

Guess what they did with Sehun's hair? They dyed it with every color of the rainbow. If he would've been in the gay pride-parade, he would've been worshipped. He almost started crying when he came home, but two days after, I took him back, and asked them to dye his hair baby-pink. He actually liked it. I died of laughter, while he was amazed with his beautiful hair.

But I couldn't deny anything, he actually did look amazing with that color. 

"Earth to Luhan!" Sehun snapped his fingers infront of my face, as I noticed his girlfriend was gone.

"Oh, sorry, I was kind of... lost in my thoughts." I chuckled, and looked up at Sehun.

"Did you see her? Did she look stunning?" he asked, and fixed his tie.

I nodded, and smiled. "She was breathtaking. You're a lucky guy, Sehun." I said, and faked a smile.

He smiled. "I sure am." he said, and looked deeply into my eyes.

"What?" I said, and smiled sincerely this time.

"You're wearing the tie I bought you." he said, and took it in his hands, caressing the fabric.

I smiled wider.

~ Why won't this trembling go away? ~

I was driving. Driving to nowhere literally. I was angry, and the headache didn't help . this. everything. my ing miserable life.

"Luhan." a voice spoke to me.

"Leave me alone." I groaned, and stepped on the gas.

"Please, stop this. Stop hurting yourself like this." the person said, and I scoffed.

"Just shut up, and ing leave." I gritted my teeth, trying to get the voice out of my head

I couldn't take it. God, why won't you just leave me!? YOU HAVE SOMEONE ELSE NOW!

I stopped the car abruptly, and it screeched. I was breathing heavily, tears streaming down my face. "Why!? Why did you leave me!? WHY!?" I screamed.

"Everyone moves on with their lives, so should y--"

"NO! Sehun, if you knew, why the didn't you atleast let me down easily!?" I shrieked, and slammed my hands onto the steering-wheel.

"Luhan--"

"YOU KNEW THAT I LOVED YOU." I growled at him, and looked to the side. No one. He was gone.

I screamed. I couldn't. This was too much. I lost him. I lost everything.

"WHY CAN'T I JUST FORGET ABOUT YOU!? WHY CAN'T I JUST LET GO!? WHY!!!" I cried, and slammed my back against the carseat. 

Heart, why won't you let go?

Mind, why won't you forget?

Soul, why won't you move on?

Body, why won't you stop hurting?

Eyes, why won't you stop crying?

Because of him.

Everything was because of him.

Please don’t... don’t leave please.

Come back! come back!

On top of the empty seat you left..

Only your cold scent remains.

I don't know what's with me and angst lately.. I just.. I get inspired.

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