You finally broke up with him. All those phone calls and sweet talks were all lies. You still had feelings for him, though, but you overcame them and left him; before he could leave you.  Even so, lately you haven't been even been texting him or calling him as often as you used to. In fact, whenever you would lay in bed at night, you would think of your best friend, Lee DongHae. The image of his heart-warming smile in your would make your heart skip a beat, though you didn't even know why. You have known him since you guys were barely 10, when you moved into the home next to him. Your windows were right across from each other, so you would be able to just talk from there. You would tell him everything, from your love life to what you ate for dinner. You two were just that close. Sometimes, you would even climb to his room if you were having nightmares, and he would gladly share his bed with you. He would sing a lullaby to put you to sleep, and his voice was always so soothing and calming, which made you fall asleep in just a snap of a finger.

Today, you felt heavy-hearted and you needed someone listen to you as your completely poured out your feelings. And you also needed one of DongHae's hugs, which never failed to make you feel better and make you feel like all the problems would be gone. You trudge yourself to the window and brushed the curtains out of your way, lifting up the squeaky window. You knocked on his window. Knock knock knock knock knock - knock knock. No answer. You knocked again. Knock knock knock knock knock - knock knock. Still no answer. At this point, panic started taking over your mind. It wasn't like him to not answer to the knocking of your fists on his window. You hurriedly opened your door and raced downstairs, to find your mother talking to DongHae's mom, who had a sad expression on her face. She looked over to you and managed a weak smile. Your heart stopped. Mrs. Lee was someone who always seemed cheerful, and someone who always had happiness behind her beautiful smiles; though this one was hiding sadness and grief. Something must've happened. Your knees grew weak as she called your name.
 

"_____-ah," she motioned for you to step towards her, "DongHae would've wanted me to give this to you."

Would've?  Wanted? You walked towards her, trying your best not to fall over. You looked up at her and saw tears welling up in her eyes. 
 

"Eo-Eomonim, what's wrong?" You stuttered, afraid to hear the bad news she was bearing.
 

"DongHae... He... He got into a car crash. And..." She paused, sniffing, "the doctors couldn't save him."
 

You could've felt getting pierced by thousands of knives. You're knees buckled, you could've fell if you weren't leaning against the frame of the door. Your eyes began stinging with tears; your best friend of your whole life was gone, just like that. You wanted to say something to her, but something was caught in your throat, preventing you from speaking. You watched blankly as she bid good bye and walked across the lawn towards her home. Your mom embraced you tightly, combing through your silky hair.
 

"Kwenchana?" Her voice filled with sympathy, "I know it's hard to accept, honey, but it'll get better."
 

You wanted to believe her words, but you just couldn't bring yourself to it. Your best friend was gone. The one you lost sleep for, the one you went to when you were having nightmares, the one you loved, now that you realize, is completely gone from your life. You nodded your head and dragged yourself upstairs, and close the door behind you as you reached your room. You leaned against the door and slowly slid down until you were sitting. Tears finally streaming down your face now, and you couldn't help but cry out loud. You started blaming yourself. If only I'd walked home with you like every other day, and not go to meet him. I could've pulled you in from getting hurt. How different would things be? You clenched your fists in anger, frustrated at how fate treated your best friend, when you realized you still had DongHae's diary in your hands. You wiped your tears and flipped to the first page.

January 15
I'm finally going to start writing in this! Umma got it for me a while ago, but I decide to write in it starting today. It was a cold day, but good news is that a girl and her family moved into the house next to us. She had shoulder length hair and a pink hair band curved on top of her head. I immediately felt my heart beat quicken and a weird feeling in my stomach started. It felt almost like it was fluttering... What was it? Haha. My mom made me go outside and say hi to her. I tried my best not to make a fool out of my self as I waved shyly and introduced myself. She giggled and called me fishy. I immediately liked that name and told her to keep calling me that. She agreed and told me her name, which was _____. How unique! I couldn't stop thinking about it after hearing it. Later, hyung teased me and said I was in love or something, but what does he know?

The entry stopped there. Tears welled up in your eyes again, as you never realized how he felt when he met you. You just thought he was a shy boy, that's all. Often, though, his soft yet spiky brown hair seemed almost irresistible to touch, and his gentle brown eyes always made your stomach do little flops, but you shrugged the thought off because he was your best friend. You flipped through the diary and landed on another entry.

June 27
We had our elementary grad dance today. My mom bought me this tuxedo as hyung made fun of how sophisticated I looked. I ignored him and walked and urged them out of my room so I could fix up myself. I heard a knock on my window an I opened the curtains, to reveal the most breath-taking girl. She curled her hair and had it flowing down one side of her neck. Her dress was a pastel pink colour with simple lace patterns and small gems stuck to the rims. She wanted to check out how I looked, since we both agreed to go to the dance together. It was super, super nerve-wracking to ask her, but my heart leaped for joy when she said yes. She complimented on how handsome I looked, my heart quickened its pace and my stomach did its usual flops. She blushed a cute shade of pink when I said she was beautiful, though she didn't believe it herself. We raced downstairs to meet each other, getting a full glimpse of our outfits. Both our moms made us stand super close to each other and took a picture. I tried to control the reddening of my face when I realized how fast my heart was beating. Once her arm made contact with mine, it sent a jolt of electricity through my body. And today, is when I finally realized I had fallen for _____.

Your hands grew weak as you buried your face in your knees. You could never imagine how every single contact with him made him jump for joy on the inside, or how it made his heart skip a beat.
"Miane..." You whispered, as if hoping he would hear your apology. You flipped to another page, and that was the day you told him the most popular guy at school asked you out. Tears continued rolling down your cheeks, droplet after droplet.

May 30
Today was a fine summer day, where the wind blew and the trees danced. I stared out my window, waiting for _____ to come home, when I saw a figure walking in the distance. The figure approached and I knew it was her. "DongHae!" She called out, waving frantically. I waved back and told her to come to my house, as I ran downstairs and opened the door, waiting for her presence. She finally approached me and gave me a hug, causing the butterflies in my stomach to flutter off the walls.
"Guess what?" She grinned, showing her perfect white teeth. I asked what and she told me the most heart breaking news; well to me, anyway. The most popular guy at our school asked her out, since she had admired him for quite a while. I managed a smile and congratulated her, though my heart felt like it was ripping to shreds every second. I couldn't tell her I liked her, or else it would've caused problems. She went on and on about how great of a guy he was, though secretly, deep down, I wish she was talking about me and knew how much she meant to me. I felt like I was dying slowly on the inside, but whenever she was happy, my happiness didn't matter.

Tears couldn't stop flowing down your face. How could you have not known that your best friend  loved you, like nothing else? You couldn't stop crying. At this point, you felt like you would just dehydrate right then and there, from all those tears you were shedding. You weakly flipped to another page of his diary.

October 15
Today was a rainy day, but I was still happy because it was my birthday. I was turning 18. It was a weekend today so I didn't have school. A knock came from my window, and I knew exactly who it was. Brushing the curtains out of the way, there stood _____, still as beautiful as ever. She gave me her heart-melting smiles and motioned for me to lean closer to her. When we were about a few centimetres away, her face leaned towards my cheek and I felt something warm pressed against it. She kissed me. A jolt of electricity went from my cheek, to up my spine. My stomach fluttered like crazy, my heart beating out of hand. I could've melted right there, if it weren't for the fact that I was leaning over the window sill.

"Happy birthday our fishy!" she cried out loud and handed me a box, covered in shiny sapphire blue wrapping paper. I took it shyly and thanked her. I was still distracted from the lingering feeling of his lips on my cheek. She asked if we should go somewhere today, and I nodded yes in response. 
"Open it," she said, her smile still present on her lips. I gently ripped open the package and found the cutest present ever. There was a Nemo stuffy, a silver chain bracelet with the letters "DH" carved into a flat piece of silver, and a baby blue card sitting at the side. I read the card, and I could've felt tears in my eyes.

You took out the card that was stuck in between the next pages and read it out loud as your voice grew weaker and weaker after every word.

Dear fishy,
It's your birthday again! Happy birthday! We have been spending every single one of our birthdays together, ever since we met. I hope that doesn't change. You will be my bestest friend for my whole life! Haha, how cheesy am I? Anyways, our fishy, has grown up to be such a handsome man. Has any girls fell heads over heels for you yet? I bet a lot have! Our fishy, I wish you the bestest and happiest birthday. And I love you~
 

From your pabo friend, _____.

You continued reading the diary entry silently in your head.

I looked at her and smiled, as she lifted up her hand and showed me her wrist and there dangled a silver chain bracelet, identical to mine, but indented with her initials instead.
"Now no one can deny that we're best friends," she giggled. The fact that she only saw us as best friends triggered a slight pain in my heart, but the fact that we had matching bracelets disregarded that fact. She offered to help me put it on, and I held my wrist towards her. The way her fingers brushed against my skin sent small rushes of electricity through my body. I spent the rest of today talking and shopping with her, eating and kept buying things for me like I was a spoiled child; just the two of us. _____-ah, I think I just keep falling for you deeper and deeper every single day.

You sighed in depression. How could you have not seen the way he lovingly looks at you? Now that you recall, almost every single stare he ever gave you was full of love and care, never once was it filled with anger. But the time that you told him you had a boyfriend, was the first time you sad sadness behind his cheerful, warm eyes. You started yelling at yourself mentally. He loved you, and all you cared about was that good-for-nothing-jerk. He fell in love with you, but never once had you returned his feelings. And today, he got into an accident, and you didn't even know. He was gone now, forever. You flipped to the last page while wiping your tears, and there on the page was a letter to you.

Dear ____,
 

Lately I've been feeling unlucky, as if something bad would happen to me. Do you ever get that feeling? Haha. Well, incase I don't get to say this face to face, I love you, _____. From the bottom of my heart, you mean the world to me, actually, ani, you mean the whole universe to me. I'm sorry I didn't get to confess or ever say this in front of you. I'm sorry. Don't feel bad if you never returned my feelings, or felt the same way. I understand ^^ since I never even told you, right? Haha. I remember when we first met, how your silky hair rested on your shoulders. I could've sworn I never seen anyone so beautiful. Your presence always made my heart skip a beat! We started talking then, about every single thing, even if it was what we ate. I remember the day we had our elementary grad, and how we danced together. That time, I was so sure I would faint on the spot, because of how excited and nervous I was! I'm glad I had the chance to have feelings towards you, and I'm glad you're my best friend. I'm still wearing that bracelet as I'm writing this, and that cute Nemo you have me is sitting on my bed. I hug it to sleep every single night, you know? Haha. I have always wondered what it would feel like to have my lips against yours, but we wont know, huh? keke. You're the most beautiful person in the world, and I swear your the only one who will be in my heart. I hope one day, you will love me back and we can live happily ever after? Aigoo, too childish. Haha. Until that day, I hope you always keep your head up and smile like you do every single day, because when you're happy, I'm also happy. Once again, I love you, ______, and nothing will ever change that.
 

From, the pabo fish who fell in love with you when he first saw you, Lee DongHae.

A few tears fell onto the pages, dragging the ink, blurrying the letters.  You threw the diary aside and buried your face in your knees. Pabo, pabo, pabo! Why did you love me so much? I don't deserve it! You cried and looked over to the open diary, with a white corner sticking out from under the book. You crawled over and pulled it out. It was the picture of you two standing next to each other from the elementary school dance. You held it to your heart and apologized.
 

"I'm sorry I didn't realize," you said, "I'm sorry..."
 

A warm breeze came from the window and wrapped around you like a hug, and it felt familiar. You smiled weakly as you closed your puffy eyes and fell into deep sleep, with the familiar feeling of DongHae's arms wrapped around you. A familiar voice sounded. "I will always love you, _____, forever and always."

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AHH . my heart was breaking when i wrote this oneshot )': i hope you guys do enjoy though ^^ more oneshot fanfics to come ~ and please check out my other fanfic , here ! don't forget to subscribe and comment :D thank you all ~